I wear a niqab! AMA

[JamTea]

Hi everyone,

I am a regular MNer and NC'd for this :). As background, I have a successful career in tech, I am a Muslim and I wear niqab too. Since Boris's comments, I've seen quite a bit written on MN about burqa and niqab, and thought it may be useful to answer any questions people have in relation to niqab. I also know a large number of Muslim women and have lived in various Muslim communities, so can probably speak from my experience and relay other people's experiences too.

Just as a note: I don't know any women in the UK that wear burqa and I have never seen anyone wear a burqa in real life. The difference between niqab and burqa is illustrated here: cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/590x/scarf-651554.jpg

@justwanttolookgood

What do you think of little girls, before they've even hit puberty, wearing this type of dress code OP?

You are referring I assume to hijab and not niqab? Hijab is not compulsory for girls to wear pre-puberty and shouldn't be enforced, but many girls do choose to wear it themselves (it is becoming quite a fashion icon too bizzarely). Some parents encourage it pre-puberty so that when the girls transition to wearing hijab full time post-puberty, they find the transition easier, and I do understand the logic, though I don't believe parents should enforce it, and the faith does not require it.

@Bluntness100

And Judas, agree it feels off. And it's curious so few answers too. I wonder if her husband is checking her phone too.
Are you seriously kidding me? Why would you think my husband checks my phone?!!! My husband doesn't even know the pin to my phone, forget checking my phone, and anyhow I am typing from my laptop (I don't have work tomorrow hence the late hour). I started the thread, and got caught up with other things and didn't realise they'd be 5 pages of questions in the space of a few hours.

Honestly, I find it quite patronizing that just because I wear niqab and didn't answer the questions as soon as they were posted up, you and a few others have come up with conspiracy theories about me. Why is it so easy for you to believe Candy's experience but not mine? Is it because my experience doesn't fit in with the narrative you want to believe? And I think it is only fair I share the signatures of the 100 women who wear niqab in England and made explicit they wear it of their own free will:

news.sky.com/story/100-women-who-wear-niqab-or-burka-demand-boris-johnson-be-kicked-out-of-conservative-party-11467011

@LineRunner Can anyone answer this, as the OP isn't going to? I have answered it above. And I have been on may other AMAs, OPs don't always answer things even on the same day, so can you explain to me please why you were so certain I wasn't going to answer it?

How would you feel on your death bed if you realised God is real and a specific scripture was actually true but it was too late now that you were on your death bed?

Why would it be too late? Is your God the vengeful type, straight to hell for all the women who walked around with their faces showing?

@JamTea - re your question to me about if I find god is real:
I suppose I'd tell him there are thousands of deities described across the world in different cultures and religions, I can't fathom which, if any, are real. I chose to live my life as a good and decent person, I don't purposefully do any bad things or try to deliberately upset or harm. If that's not enough then I'll deal with it then

@Candysugar

No I don’t believe that but you can’t be seen trying to engage with these people as family believe you are prone to catch something bad like a jinn from them

This is seriously messed up. Can you explain to me why your family believe you would catch a jinn from non-Muslims? I have never ever come across that concept ever.

@candysugar
So when you are hearing another Muslim lady say that she loves wearing the niqab please don’t believe her, she is conditioned to say it. It is lonely miserable life and men have twisted this beautiful religion to be control freaks and dangerous human beings. I have lost two sisters , my home is like a prison. I missed a delivery other day as I am not allowed to open door to strangers without my husband present. Thank you for all your comments but now I must take my daughter and start getting her ready for bed so no more from me now. I feel very sad now for opening up how crap my life is

I haven't dismissed your experience so I don't understand why you are dismissing mine. I am very happy to meet the people in this thread in real life and relay my experience. May I ask, are you allowed to go and pick your child up from school? The way you have described your husband and family treating you is nothing short of oppressive, but I am not lying when I say I have never come across a woman who wears niqab who has been treated like you have (I have come across Bangaldeshi women who did not wear niqab nor hijab but had oppressive in-laws). This does not mean you have not experienced this. However, the two things you have mentioned above are so far fetched from what I have seems, that I really would like to know more about your background if you are willing of course to share it.

@candyMuslim

Most Muslim women look into their eyes, their eyes so sad. Domestic abuse, slave to husband family, forced to have child after child list goes on most of us are sad and down

This is where you are completely wrong and because of this statement I have serious doubts about what you have said before. Most Muslim are NOT being abused. That is just pure and utter nonsense. People on this thread have met Muslim women. You might be sad or down, and maybe the women around you are sad and down, but how can you claim MOST muslim women are sad and down? The vast majority of Muslim women are very happy!

@OuchLegoHurts I really think people shouldn't post AMAs and then answer 3 questions and disappear. It has not even been a day since I started the thread, please give it a break.

@Bluntness100
No I'm not sure what rhe op was trying to achieve here. I'm concerned she's not able to answer questions. I am very pleased to have the satisfaction of proving you wrong (although it is 3am and I have only got to Page 6 yet! I need to get to bed).

@Bumpitybumper

I think having a successful, well educated woman (OP) posting about how they have the freedom to choose is misleading and disingenuous when realistically so many women have very little choice at all. Do you have any evidence to back this up? I am sharing my experience of meeting at least a 100 women that wear niqab. Just curious as to where you got the 'so many women' from? How many women have you met that wear niqab?

@KennDodd

Can I ask if you think women should be free to wear anything they want or should there be some social norms that should be observed?
If you are in the 'women should wear anything they want' camp would you be happy if your child's teacher chose to wear a tiny bikini (for example) while teaching or just in the street?

Yes I am in the camp that women and men should wear anything they want. Yes I would be happy if my child's teacher chose to wear a bikini, and it isn't a huge deal, as my children and I regularly see people with bikinis on at the beach or on holiday.

@luckycat007

I think people who wear religious clothing should of course not be harassed in this country, however I know the case is unlikely to occur in reverse - for example there are parts of the world where I would NOT be permitted in anyway to wear, I don't know, shorts or whatever. And that's controlling someones choices. I don't like that. I wouldn't want to be part of a society which controls what women or anyone else for that matter chooses to clothe themselves in.

I don't like it either. Women and men should be free to wear whatever they want.

I haven't dismissed your experience

you really have. You've been rude and naive and rather protesting too much.

@Sweetsongbird1 Thanks for your question, I have answered it on this thread.

@CoteDAzur Those are my sincere questions and I hope that you will answer them. As I said to you earlier (I think it was you, I've lost track), if you want to discuss and debate the place of niqab in Islam, please contact your local scholar/Imam.

@Bluntness100

The ops posts are rather concerning. If you re read them. She wears it through choice, she gets no pressure to do so, she knows of no woman who is pressured To wear it. Her husband and family don't like it, but she wears it because she wants to. It's lovely and breathable and comfortable.

It doesn't ring true.

As you are convinced I am making this all up, this is an open invitation for you meet me in person :) Come and see me and my life, and lets discuss this over coffee and cake.

@TheCountryGirl

Lucky stop thanking her...She hasn't answered anything of any value! WHY do people bend backwards with minorities?🤬

Right, just because I didn't answer all the questions immediately and I wear niqab, doesn't mean you can't treat me with courtesy like a fellow human being and a MNer. I can't believe how rude some posters have been towards me in this thread. I have been on MN for years, contributed to many threads on AMA, and this isn't how people have treated other OPs. Something to ponder about ...

@Tippexy
Why do you wear it when your religion does not actually prescribe it? My religion does encourage it, and people who are trying to suggest otherwise have very little or no understanding of Islam. They've just Google'd a few things and as it fits with their agenda and helps justify a ban, decided to use a few out of context quotes to justify their point of view. Honestly, call up any reputable local Imam and he will tell you that there is a religious basis for the niqab.

@MrsSteveMcDonald

OP, not that I expect her to come back, don't you think having a disability is hard enough without people going out of their way to make things harder?

I am sorry , I really don't mean to make things harder for you. Disability is hard, my close family member has a disability and it is really tough. If you saw someone who had covered their mouth with a scarf in the winter, would you feel uncomfortable asking them to uncover it so you can lip read? No woman who wears a niqab would be offended if you asked them same of her. So please do if you happen to come across a woman who wears niqab and you want to speak to her.

Genuine question btw: Why didn't you expect me to come back? I had answered a few questions by the time you posted and I made clear that I will come back in the evening. Why the doubt?

@Clionba

JamTea - Boris Johnson isn't restricting your movement. Are Muslim women in Denmark oppressed and restricted by the ban?

I haven't spoken to Muslim women in Denmark about the ban, have you? Please share if you have.

@FloppyBoobs

What do you wear underneath?

Clothes from the high street :)

@Sweetsongbird1 please answer my question as you seem to skirting passed any tough questions.

I made clear I was going in order and I went in order (and where I deviated from that I made it clear). As for your question, I have answered it above.

That is pure nonsense OP. You know that niqab is not justified by scripture and you know that the majority of muslims and muslim scholars say so.
Why have imams issued fatwas decreeing niqab to be against Islam. Why isthe niqab is condemned for the Sunni Islamic world by the Grand Imam of Al-Azhar, Sheikh Haji Muhammad Sayyid Tantawy. A renowned scholar and head of the Islamic world's preeminent religious institute, Tantawy has stated that "the niqab is a cultural tradition and has nothing to do with Islam^.

Do you know better than The Grand Imam? How is that an out of context quote?

@Sweetsongbird1

we know thousands upon thousands of women are forced to wear it around the world - what about them? Once again - do you feel complicit in the forcing of it as you wear yours freely?

Your statement is factually in correct. There are no countries in the world that are forcing women to wear niqab. Even Saudi Arabia doesn't force women to wear niqab. Are you confused between niqab and hijab?

As for hijab, why should I feel complicit in something I have nothing (ZERO) to do with? Why I should I be made to pay for oppressive regimes tyranny on women? The women of that country are already paying for that, why would you want to add me to that list?

I am going off order to order this.

@Broussard

That is pure nonsense OP. You know that niqab is not justified by scripture and you know that the majority of muslims and muslim scholars say so.

Come on that's BS, and you know it. Tell me what do the four main Imams in Islam (Imam Abu Hanifa, Imam Shafi', Imam Malik and Imam Ahmad) say about niqab?

Do you know better than The Grand Imam? How is that an out of context quote? I know for 110% certainty that the above four Imams who are THE most respected Imams in the Sunni Muslim tradition know ALOT more than the current grand Imam of Egypt (who is well known to be led by political motives and has immense pressure from the Egyptian government. This is very well known in Muslim circles).

@glenthebattleostrich

OP you seem to be ignoring Candy's posts. As I said I am going in order of question asked, and I have now addressed all of her posts (well the ones I have come across so far).

@Sweetsongbird1

Why though when apparently no one is forced in to wearing one and it doesn’t state any wear in the Koran’s teaching you must wear one? No one is allowed to force anyone to wear a niqab, and in my experience of women in the UK, people haven't forced women. It states it is recommended to wear one. Hence, why some women who are very spiritual will still want to observe it.

@SimonBridges

PLEASE BE AWARE THAT I AM NOT SAYING CANDY IS LYING, but if a EDL type was to read this they could make up a poster like Candy to tell us that they are oppressed because to western women that is how it looks.

Her story fits into the narrative that EDL are trying to put across, whereas my story and my friend's stories (and the 100 women who wear niqab mentioned here) doesn't fit into that narrative. It is strange and rather sad that even on this thread whilst her experience is respected (and should be) mine is completely questioned and I have had some abrogatory comments made like 'OP is not likely to answer' 'show won't be able to answer (!) (just because I didn't reply to all the questions immediately!)