I wear a niqab! AMA

[JamTea]

Hi everyone,

I am a regular MNer and NC'd for this :). As background, I have a successful career in tech, I am a Muslim and I wear niqab too. Since Boris's comments, I've seen quite a bit written on MN about burqa and niqab, and thought it may be useful to answer any questions people have in relation to niqab. I also know a large number of Muslim women and have lived in various Muslim communities, so can probably speak from my experience and relay other people's experiences too.

Just as a note: I don't know any women in the UK that wear burqa and I have never seen anyone wear a burqa in real life. The difference between niqab and burqa is illustrated here: cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/590x/scarf-651554.jpg

actually I’m offended by anyone mocking any religion, and I will openly say so, that includes any types of memes including nuns

Gosh, you must spend your life being offended on other peoples behalf! Needlessly too.
All religions should be mocked equally.

@PankyE

Hello smile Hi :)

What do you think to compulsory hijab in Iran and the Stealthy Freedom movement to oppose it? I haven't heard of this particular movement so I can't comment on it, but I am very supportive of any movement that gives women the freedom and choice to wear what they want (whether that's less or more). Governments should never dictate what women or men should wear.

Why do women need to be modest to feel they are closer to your god, but men do not have to do that? Men have to be modest too. They have to wear loose clothing, lower their gaze and their trousers must be above their ankles too.

Eating is restrictive and communicating body language is near impossible. How do you manage these things?
I don't find eating restrictive, as when I need to ear I just take it off or pull it up. If I am having a snack, then i don't even to take it off. In relation to body language, I have found that people in public can easily read me as they can hear my voice, see my body and hear my tone (although they can't see my face). People also understand be very clearly over the phone, when they can't see my body at all. Where my emotions are relevant (say GP practice or a client facing role), I take it off.

Dottierichardson
Anything that makes you stand out like a sore thumb (such as the niqab) is not conducive with integrating into the society in which you are living.

Do you not realise how frightening it is and uncomfortable it would make someone who isn't used to seeing them; such as a female working alone in a shop or walking down a dark alley for instance. To me, it's no different than a Caucasian person wearing a Balaclava. If I worked in a shop and someone came in wearing a Balaclava, I'd be scared, not knowing what they're going to do. After all, whether it be a Balaclava or a Niqab, anyone wearing either, can commit almost any crime and most likely will never be indentified

@skintandworried thanks for your question, I have answered it above :)

@Littlefish

My hearing is not great, and I know that I watch people's mouths when they talk. How do hearing impaired people in the muslim community deal with this if women are wearing the niqab? They must be very isolated. There are very very few Muslim women (less than 1%) who wear niqab, so there isn't a problem of feeling isolated. But really it is quite simple: they will just ask them to pull the niqab up whilst talking to them. No woman would mind that and would completely understand.

Anything that makes you stand out like a sore thumb (such as the niqab) is not conducive with integrating into the society in which you are living
If 'sticking out' is a problem then presumably you also have a problem with ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities and the way they dress? I grew up in a UK in which people wore goth outfits, men wore make-up, punks wore whatever they felt like, Boy George followers wore locks and so on. A place where diverse forms of self-expression were part of the culture. IMO growing intolerance of diversity and a pressure for everyone to look the same is in itself as oppressive as any garment in my opinion, so going to have to disagree with you there.

@IAmNotAntiWomen

Who were the wives what ages were they and what is the wording of the scripture? Thank you. As it is factual information, would you mind Googling that please as I have got alot of questions to get through. Thank you.

@ApolloandDaphne
Surely if you are the only one who wears it in your small community you will stand out more rather than remain anonymous? Someone else asked this too, I am not sure if I mis-typed somewhere but this may be the case. I am not the only one, I think I am one of around 50.

@BonnieF So could you please help us to understand why in your culture women are expected to cover so much more than men? Thanks for your question. I think I may have answered this above now, but quite simply it is because God asked us to cover in certain ways. Why? - I don't know. Honestly I wish I could ask God this question too :) I don't think of it is unfair because there are some things that men are asked to do which is quite tough. For example men have to shoulder ALL the responsibility for looking after the family, including the finances for everyone in the family, including their wife, and pay for childcare, and pay also for examples for a wet nurse if the wife has kids and doesn't want to breastfeed. The men also have to give their wives a stipend so she can choose to spend it on clothes etc. If the wife earns money, it is entirely hers to keep and do as she wishes with it. So to be honest, Muslim men don't have it easy either. The men that practise their faith do provide this. In my experience the women who wear niqab tend to marry practising men, (although this may not always be the case). So it is not so black and white as it may seem to you as an outsider in relation to 'fairness'.

@Branleuse
Do you think youd be quite happy to live in one of the countries where it is enforced. What are your feelings about their modesty.
As far as I am aware niqab is not enforced anywhere in the world, and thank goodness for that too. Are you asking about hijab? I don't believe any country should enforce any kind of dress code on its citizens.

@Bluntness100

Op, in the limited answers you've given, that's not a criticism, more scale, you've mentioned anonymity twice. Why do you need anonymity in your community? It's clearly important for you as it's been repeated but why is it so important to you?
It is not important to me, it is a side benefit for me. Have you ever lived in a village where everyone knows each other? If you have experienced that, it is lovely but can sometimes feel a bit suffocating (especially if you don't have time or inclination to socialise). The community I currently live in is a bit like this, and it feels nice to be be able to move around without the aunty in the next street noticing that it is my 10th visit to the GP this week (for example).

Do you not realise how frightening it is and uncomfortable it would make someone who isn't used to seeing them; such as a female working alone in a shop or walking down a dark alley for instance.

This is exactly what people used to say about black people.

@annandale

It sounds like a hairshirt, which very devout Catholics might wear privately to suffer for spiritual reward. So why choose a 'lovely breathable' fabric? If the point is to suffer? I've never come across this before, but the point is certainly not to suffer. If the niqab becomes unbearable for me and I feel like I am suffering, I will stop wearing it and religiously that is what I am expected to do.

but quite simply it is because God asked us to cover in certain ways. Why? - I don't know. Honestly I wish I could ask God this question too

I always wonder about religious people stating "this is what God wants, thinks, asks for..." etc. Says who? People, that's who. Your God doesn't speak to you. I said God exists you have no idea what they want.
If there is an all seeing all powerful being, why would they care what you wear?

And here's a good question, if you truly think your God wants women t cover their faces, why would you support it as a free choice? Aren't they all defying your God?

IF said god exists

@Bluntness100

Isn't it a matter of debate if the prophets, wives, which there was a lot I think. About 13 of them, wore the Niqab or not and that it is down to the translation? Most think they were behind screens as opposed to veils?

I can assure you that all the scholars agree that the Prophet's wives did wear niqab (Asma RA was not a wife of the Prophet). The disagreement is over whether it is cumplosory for women who were not wives of the Prophet's or not.

As for when the wives of the Prophet were in ihram, the hadeeth of Aisha makes very clear, that when men were approaching she would pull down her niqab.

If you feel the need to discuss and debate the scripture then please take this to your local Imam or Muslim scholar.

@Jayfee

I thought that Islam requires women not to draw attention to themselves.Surely wearing the hijab in the UK guarantees drawing attention to yourself. Isn't wearing a headscarf and modest clothing more appropriate? I can see where this argument comes from. In my experience, niqab is mainly worn in certain pockets of the UK only (very few) where there are a good sizeable number of women wearing it, so it doesn't draw attention? People get used to seeing niqab in the area where I live, I don't think people bat an eyelid.

@Mayra1367

There was no question in your comment but I thought this may be a good opportunity for me to learn from you.

Personally I have no issues with headscarf’s etc but many women have fought for equal rights in this country and I think the importation of this custom is dangerous. Why specifically is it dangerous? I would like to understand. I can't see what it has got to do with equal rights when it is my own choice and not being imposed on me. Maybe I am missing something? Regardless of wearers saying it’s their choice etc etc I think it is divisive and would welcome a ban . How is it divisive?

@Candysugar

I’m a Muslim and I wear the niqab. I wear it because of pressure within my community, pressure within my family and now pressure within my husbands family. You won’t find many of us that admit it but I no an awful lot of women that hate this lifestyle. Yes it’s hot, yes it’s uncomfortable but we just grin and bear it. Taking away a women’s right to wear make up, have a nice hairstyle, for us to wear nice pretty clothes in pretty colours is mans control from our fathers to our brothers. My two sisters were disowned from family because they would not conform and I haven’t seen them for over 10 years. It breaks my heart. I have a daughter aged 3 and yes she will have to wear it soon, I feel so bad I am putting this prison on to her. I am a Muslim woman and I hate it, it feels so good to say it, it segregates us from everything but it’s just all about control for our fathers and our husbands. We have no choice please believe me

I am honestly appalled to hear about your situation. I would like to say that I know people like you but I really don't know anyone (and I know many Muslim women who wear niqab). May I ask what your religious background you are from (as in which group you most closely affiliate yourself with)? I have never heard of girls having to wear it at a young age? The earliest I have heard of a girl wearing it is 11 (and you say your daughter is 3 and expected to wear it very soon which is very bizzare). I am sure you have but have you tried reasoning with your family? I can't believe that people can coerce you to wear niqab in this day and age, and that the family would disown close family members just for not wearing niqab. If you can please let me know which background you are from (both ethnic and religious), as I definitely would like to learn more.

As the OP reccommended another poster to go to Google I found this.

There are, nevertheless, scholars who have issuedfatwasdecreeing niqab to be against Islam, including theGrand Muftiof Egypt. Notably, the niqab is condemned for the Sunni Islamic world by theGrand Imam of Al-Azhar, Sheikh HajiMuhammad Sayyid Tantawy, in his 7000-page Exegesis (Tafsir) of Al-Qur'an, written over 10 years. A renowned scholar and head of the Islamic world's preeminent religious institute, Tantawy has stated that "the niqab is a cultural tradition and has nothing to do with Islam

Any comments OP?

The comparison with a Catholic hair shirt is interesting as the point is the piety there is hidden. It seems to me that wearing a niqab is an ostentatious display of religiousity and piety and as such not particularly modest.

@Candysugar

Sorry I didn't see your next post about beating, that is truly awful. I can't believe that someone would beat you over niqab. It is very very weird and beating is completely banned and definitely NOT normal in practising Muslim circles, don't let your family tell you that.

@Branleuse

Do you chat freely to non muslim women and do you feel it distances you from people. yes I do, to both men and women, and I don't think it does, as I am quite a chatty person.

@mikado1

OP what would it feel like if you were 'seen' eating in a private booth? Are you embarrassed/annoyed/ashamed? No, not at all. It happens all the time by accident, it is not a big deal
I pass a Muslim family when running in v small running gear (it's too hot for much more) and feel so uncomfortable running past them, man in shorts and t-shirts and woman covered head to toe. Are they judging do you think? Definitely not judging you - so please don't worry! We live in the UK, we are very used to seeing men and women dressed in very little, it is really not a biggie at all. I respect everyone's choice to wear as little or as much as they want to.

@Namethecat

I am going to be truthful here and I hope that any wearers do not take this the wrong way ( and I would feel the same about anyone female /male that would wear something that hid their face ) It makes me feel a little intimidated and scared as you cannot get the ' feel ' of a person by not seeing expression. Thanks for your honesty, and I do get you. I do wonder though have you spoken to a person that wears one? You might find the experience quite different once you get talking? Also would you feel the same way if I spoke to you on the telephone and you couldn't see my face?

Honestly, OP, your minimising of other posters experience and pretending to be shocked and amazed is pretty nasty. you can't be that naive

@Growingboys

Do you not think it's unfair, given you can see everyone else, but we can't see you? Hummm, never really thought about it like this, but I suppose it is like when some people's profiles on FB are public and others choose to keep it private? That doesn't seem unfair, just a personal choice?

Do you ever question whether your religion is real? I am always struck by how accepting Muslims seem to be, whereas all my Christian and Jewish friends talk about questioning their faith, and aspects thereof, and are quite relaxed to do so. Of course I critique and question my faith. And I agree with you that my Christian, Jewish and Hindu friends also don't appear to have as much conviction about their faith as my Muslim friends do. Why that is I don't know, although I believe very strongly in my faith, so I could argue that it is because my faith is the truth and therefore it is not very easy for me to have such a level of conviction.

@ScrubTheDecks

OP, what branch of Islam do you observe? Are you a Wahhabi?

I am not Wahabbi. I am sunni and sufi.

@Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow

How on earth does your child recognise you at the school gate? Or your friend in the street? They always can from my scarf, my shoes, my handbag, my size, posture and the way I walk.
How can you engage and chat with the person in the corner shop? Why not? I always talk to the lovely man and he chats to me too. He doesn't feel the need to see my full face to be able to chat to me (just as he talks to lots of people on the phone)
How could you run a business meeting if everyone dressed like this? We have lots of teleconferencing at work (even when I didn't wear niqab) and it was never a problem to having effective meetings.

It makes me feel desperately sad as I feel it’s the major barrier to integration of people. The covered lady - I assume she was a lady - was invisible as our school gate. We couldn’t see if she was smiling or not. I have worn just hijab too (and not niqab), and even then, white middle class women were very hesitant to talk to me, even when I stroke up a conversation. So it is harsh blaming problems of integration solely on the very few women who happen to wear niqab.

@LassWiADelicateAir You've found a quote from one scholar out of the millions of Muslim scholars we have, and that is fine. Can you also accept (through your Googling) that there are thousands of scholars who have said niqab is compulsory/recommended for Muslim women to wear?

One thing I am having difficulty getting my head around is that you are not Muslim scholars or academics, so why are you trying to convince me that niqab is not from Islam? As in what purpose is it suiting your argument? So you can prove it is from culture and therefore find it easier to ban? I am a bit baffled to be honest.

@flumpybear
Sorry if this seems a bit blunt, I'm A Scientist and I question - LOTS!

how would you feel if you found out there was either no such thing as God, Or if scripture was wrong and it was. Some bloke or other writing such fairy tales that had been thought for thousands of years to be 'true' ... like Santa perhaps in Christian life, and You actually spent your whole entire life covered up and cast away? How would you feel on your death bed for example that this isn't what god wanted from you at all, perhaps even 'failed' for being easily led?

Trying not to sound horrible, just asking those difficult questions - hopefully with respect (meant that way)

Don't worry, I am not offended at all. It is a fair question. I wouldn't feel regret at all, because if God doesn't exist then I haven't lost anything (I don't find practising my religion a burden; it gives me a lot of comfort). But I ask this respectfully to you just how you asked me: How would you feel on your death bed if you realised God is real and a specific scripture was actually true but it was too late now that you were on your death bed?