I wear a niqab! AMA

[JamTea]

Hi everyone,

I am a regular MNer and NC'd for this :). As background, I have a successful career in tech, I am a Muslim and I wear niqab too. Since Boris's comments, I've seen quite a bit written on MN about burqa and niqab, and thought it may be useful to answer any questions people have in relation to niqab. I also know a large number of Muslim women and have lived in various Muslim communities, so can probably speak from my experience and relay other people's experiences too.

Just as a note: I don't know any women in the UK that wear burqa and I have never seen anyone wear a burqa in real life. The difference between niqab and burqa is illustrated here: cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/590x/scarf-651554.jpg

@IAmNotAntiWomen

I would not mind if it was a historical or long standing religious thing. This looks like a trend to me, I can't see the evidence that it's in scripture or long standing cultural.

It all looks like attention seeking fashion to me.

I wish I could explain to you how difficult it is to wear niqab in a climate where it seems more and more people are becoming vocal about not liking it. Seriously, we would not do this for attention. We have better things to do with our life then attention seek with a clothin g that could potentially risk our safety. All I would suggest is, honestly, try wearing it for a day, and then tell me whether anyone at all would wear it to attention seek. There are much easier and fun things to do to attention seek than wear a niqab!

@ForeverBubblegum

Sorry if this seems disrespectful, I'm just curious, but feel free not to answer.

If you and your partner were going away for a romantic weekend, could you ware sexy undies underneath?

Of course ! And definitely not disrespectful question at all. There is plenty of action going on , and women that wear a niqab definitely have just as healthy sex lives as others.

@Clionba

Do you miss being able to smile at people? I'd miss that in life.

Yes I do miss that a lot. And your male/female disparity question, I have now addressed above (Sorry it is such a long thread, I am trying to keep up with it all).

@flumpybear

Do you feel it creates a barrier between you and others in a normal day to day functioning front?

It only creates a barrier between me and others who don't want to engage me because I have it on. But I always make an effort to talk to people and try and engage them, because I want them to realise I am completely normal. Most people generally are actually happy to engage, but those that aren't, you realise very quickly and there's not much one can do.

Did u ever think about not wearing the veil

@SimonBridges

But you won’t be anonymous. They will know it’s you if you are the only person who wears a niqab.

But that's the thing, I am not the only one that wears the niqab. The community I currently live in probably has around 50 women that wear niqab. So I am anonymous, and I love it. (The community is so close knit it is like living in a small village)

I’m guessing you take it off at home, but what if someone comes to the door? (Although this being MN we know that no one answers their door without a written request)
I could put the niqab on, but usually it is the postman or delivery man (so will only take a minute or two), so I will just put a scarf on and cover part of my face with it.

Saudi Arabia DOES impose a strict dress code ffs. Which is enforced by religious police. Why do you know so little about your culture ?

@sonlypuppyfat

Don't you get hot?

Depends on the temperature, like what everyone else is feeling. If you are asking do I get more hot than everyone else, then I think the answer is no. I am very used to wearing it.

@OverByYer

In the city wear I live, over the years Muslim dress has become more restrictive and conservative. Is that through choice or repression?

If women choose the veil of their own free will, that’s fine but is it proper free choice?

The only way we will know that is if we go and speak to these women and survey and interview them. And this is why I am sharing with you my experience and the experience of my friends who wear niqab. I can say that me and my friends are wearing a veil with our own free will (100%), and there are many of my friends and women I know who wore it for a short period and then decided not to continue wearing it. What I find surprising (and confuses me tbh) is that when I share my choice and my free will in relation to this with non-Muslims, why do many doubt me? (not in person so much but online especially). Why is it so unbelievable that I would be making a free choice to wear it? Is that really so hard to fathom?

Home2018 SomewhereInTheNorth bonkers22 I’m right behind you, interesting repetition of ‘our culture’ here too. Whose culture is that I wonder?

I don’t support banning the niqab. However you’ve said you sometimes don’t wear it, eg if it was too hot, but then said if it was banned you wouldn’t go out so often. Why would that be, given you clearly have no problems with not wearing it sometimes?

There is actually no country in the world currently that is using niqab to oppress women (Iran may be using hijab)

I understand perfectly well that no country in the world is using niqab to oppress women - it's the second part in parentheses about Iran that I am confused about. I understand by what you have written, you mean that Iran may be using hijab to oppress women.

So my question still stands. If you can say that Iran uses hijab to oppress women, would you also say Saudi Arabia oppresses women as it is required to cover all except hands and face in public?

I was just curious as to why you would pick out Iran as an example of possible oppression and not Saudi Arabia.

Again, I understand where it is a choice, it is not oppressive.

Also, in case you missed it, what form of Islam do you practise?

@Bombardier25966 Thank you! :)

@greathat

Is it not isolating? I know a lot of of people who wear hijabs, no problem with that at all as they can still be out having face to face conversations. I was walking down the street with a Muslim friend once and someone came up to her wearing a Niqab. They chatted away for a couple of mins. Then she went on her way and my friend turned to me and said "I have no idea who that was!"

It is a bit isolating if people are not willing to engage with you. People are very weary to start a conversation with you (very understandably!) but as long as I am not in a rush, I will always make an effort to start a conversation, and I do believe quite strongly that the onus is on me to start that conversation and make people feel comfortable talking to me (as it can be alien to some who may have never met someone who wears one). But my neighbors for example (almost all white) all know me and we regularly have chats in the street, and they come over to mine too.

Dotty2Blue
I wore it to blend in and be the same as all the other women

Interesting...so why don’t Muslim women wear western clothes to blend in and be the same as all the other women when living in the U.K.? 🤔

@FreshHerbs

The OP is not really answering many people's questions so what's the point of this thread

I was and am still going in order of the question asked, and I have full intention to address them all. There were so many questions asked in the space of a few hours, that I was quite surprised (but very happy about it too).

@dangerrabit

As other PPs have mentioned, I’m also curious about why in London, where I live, girls in school and their mums used to not cover in primary school in the 80s but now my daughters classmates and their mums are covered? - Great question, I have addressed it above. Sorry don't know which post# it is, got so many questions to get through!)

Another question is that if a woman is more covered does that show she is more religious and she would be more socially conservative or traditional in other areas of Islamic law too or does that not necessarily follow? Very good question. Simple answer: Not necessarily, no. I cover my face but I am actually very liberal with some other rulings. There is so much legitimate diversity in the way we practice our faith that people don't really fit in 'boxes'. Some of my friends don't wear niqab at work but wear it say at the weekend. Or some just wear niqab when they are going to certain events or places. The practice varies a lot.

Question for OP ...why does it have to be black?

@catsofa

There are a few women living near me who wear a niqab. I'd like to say hi to them in the street when we pass each other, but I can only sometimes recognise them by their children, or the man they're with. How can I develop a basic "saying hi to your neighbour" relationship with them when I can't recognise them? Is there like a hand signal or something?! Oh dear, this reminds me of a time when my husband couldn't recognise me! (I was fairly new into my niqab journey but still; I have a distinctive way of walking and distinctive footwear!!). I think sometimes it is really easy for niqabi women to see the difference between women who wear niqab and recognise who is who, but for an outsider, it is much harder (and we forget that sometimes). Next time you see her, just say to her, I am sorry I don't recognise you when I see you in the street, would you mind saying hello to me so i can say hi back, as I don't want to ignore you? I am almost 100% certain she wont mind. We understand this can be difficult for those around us too.

Screw Boris BTW, I am absolutely furious on your behalf as well as everyone else the tories have ever insulted. Which is a very long list. sad Thank you so much, you sound like an absolutely wonderful person and neighbour! :)

@schopenhauer

Do you understand how it makes others feel uncomfortable when they can’t see your face? For example, not being able to assess your emotions when talking to you.

I do understand that. Although I do wonder, I make casual chit chat and conversation with people on the phone, in fact, in the past I have even conducted telephone interviews over the phone. And no one ever suggested that they felt uncomfortable talking to me because they couldn't see my face? I think the tone of voice says a lot and we can read a lot from the tone alone and body language too.

Also, where my emotions really do need to be scrutinised (example when I visit my male GP), I always take my niqab off, as soon as I enter the door.

@swirlyswirl

How old were you when you started wearing the niqab OP? Is there an age where it's expected that a girl/woman will start to wear one, or is it more about the individual's decision about when it feels right?

It is when the individual feels it is right. It varies a lot, and people do wear it for a bit and then decide it is not for them.

And is it always black? If so, do you feel you're missing out on showing your personality/style through what you wear, or do the religious reasons for wearing it outweigh this?

It isn't always black, although the shops tend to sell in black only so it is much more convenient to wear black. It is also more likely not to show up dust (or marks) etc, so feels convenient. The religious reasons outweigh it, but we do have stylish handbags and footwear that is visible, and of course stylish clothes on underneath. But I have never really felt the urge to show my style in public. I just don't have that personality who likes to be center of attention. I think niqab is easier for some personality type (My sisters for examples loves being center of attention and loves dressing up; and for her niqab just doesn't work).

Pornstarlips
i am a muslim

What a very odd choice of username then. I'm an atheist- it would never occur to me to pick a username which is so blatantly referring to sexual objectification of women.

I don't have a question for the OP but this thread has firmed up my opinion the burqa and niqab should be banned.

@ApolloandDaphne

Do you have children and if you have girls will you expect them to wear a niqab?

Yes I have girls but I will not expect them to wear it, and I don't think I will encourage them to wear it either - it isn't easy. They are still quite young, but to be honest you really have to be quite thick skinned to wear a niqab, and I am not sure they will have the stamina to put up with the comments and looks (they have a much more cushier and comfortable lifestyle than I had). Hence, I can't see myself encouraging them to wear it but I don't know, things may change.

@Syfychannel

OP don't you feel that as a woman we should fiercely reject any ideology that seeks to oppress women or treat them as lesser than men? Absolutely, I am totally with you. By wearing the niqab even of your own choice arent you upholding a system that treats women and girls appallingly badly? Which 'system' are you referring to?

Interesting...so why don’t Muslim women wear western clothes to blend in and be the same as all the other women when living in the U.K.

Does this mean there's also an issue with sarees, kurta, dashiki, dreadlocks, Nehru Jackets, African-inspired clothing such as gele, beaded hair?

@MyBeloved I've answered all above questions now. I was busy during the day.

@AfterSchoolWorry Answered the hot question somewhere above :)

I was also wondering how do people drive in burquas? Would it be legal, as your vision would be so limited? I don't know any women that drive in Burqa in the UK. Lots of women drive in niqab and it has never been a problem as far as I know. (difference between burqa and niqab is in my opening thread)