I’m in an open marriage AMA

[TigersEyes]

Or not! But if you have any questions, I’m happy to answer.

The thing is lots of married people are unfaithful, lots, and yet we see threads on here claiming that this made their marriage stronger.
So ...what is the difference other than both parties agreeing to it beforehand and both partners be befitting from it.

I'm slightly jealous OP. I'm going through a bad patch with DH. Something like this sounds like the best of both worlds but would definitely not work for us as we'd get too jealous.

Going back to my earlier question re sex at home or elsewhere, as some of your partners are also married I presume you don't have sex at their home either? Do you book a hotel room?

Also, when your relationship first 'opened' did either of you have any doubts or cold feet about it all?

@EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB, you presume wrong. All couples have their own rules regarding sex in their own homes.

And yes, we have definitely had moments of cold feet!

@GinPink, good luck to you. I hope you find your way through the bad patch. There are no easy answers, are there, however much we love someone?

Why bother to get married? Why not just stay single and be with various people as and when you like?

@Lynne1Cat, I hope i’ve answered that throughout the thread. There’s no definitive answer, but I just don’t see marriage in the same way as some other people.

I hope you never have children.

In that case, do you usually have the house to yourself? If not, do you ever find it off putting knowing that their DP is home, or is that part of the appeal?

@TigersEyes no unfortunately not. I am hoping it just gets better with time as we have very young children and are struggling. The thought of splitting up would be horrid for the children but at the same time the arguments can't be nice for them to see. I am sorry for some of the comments you have received on here, from the sounds of it you're not hurting anyone and are both healthy and happy. I hope it continues for you both, and i can really see how this could be a perfect solution for some.

@HolyPieter quite awful to make such a judgemental comment when clearly you've not read much of the thread.

What dreadful remarks from horrible people.

This kind of marriage wouldn't suit me, but each to their own. Good luck with your life, OP.

You are not closer than you ever were, he is in love with another woman

@mineisarossini, I genuinely have no idea at all what you’re reading in my posts! I am not in pain and we are closer than ever before. My DH is about as far from being a shit as a person can be and you are very rude to say otherwise. I get this isn’t for you, but monogamy isn’t for me and I wouldn’t dream of being so insulting.

You seem to have had a strong reaction to mineisarossini's factual (and not rude imo) post.
I can't help thinking that if someone was really happy with the arrangement they wouldn't have reacted so strongly to those words.
I think mineisarossini hit a nerve?

Is there a way of knowing whether another couple is in an open marriage, without them actually coming out with it?
A secret handshake perhaps?
or the way in which a wedding ring is worn?
Pampas grass in the front garden?

Did you marry at a fairly young age? If so, do you think that has any bearing on your current choices? Also, do regularly meet loads of people you want to get intimate with? I honestly can't remember the last time I met someone I found even vaguely attractive, other than my husband.

@dontbringmedown, I reacted strongly to someone calling my DH a shit. Wouldn’t you? Yes, that hit a nerve because it’s rude.

Also, we all wear badges.

With a pampas grass on them.

No, seriously, is there a way of telling if a couple are in an open relationship without actually asking them?
Is there a way of recognize them?

Surely it must get boring only having the Poly Community to dip into.

Hopefully I'll get a reply read most of the comments and didn't see an answer but what rules so you have? Also where would the line in sand be?

The narrow-mindedness and judgement from some posters are really disappointing to read. And the projection too.

OP, I applaud you for coming on here to answer questions on a very heated topic, and to keep your cool while doing so.

I was in a poly relationship some years ago, but I realised that many (not all) poly relationships are a front for deep-seated commitment issues. From what you've written, I don't think yours is. It's a brave decision, not least because the reception you've been given here is really indicative of the reception you get out in the world unless you travel in poly circles.

Did you consider or try swinging before you became polyam. Do you ever find couples where you feel one of the people may have been coerced into an open marriage, how do you react to this.

Hello OP.

thank you for starting this thread, it's very interesting to see how many people show anger to your posts.

We have always had an open marriage and discussed it before we got married.
Problem is we can't do it when it comes down to it.
We discuss it, we have rules, and both have actually been very close to it, but not been able to go ahead.
Maybe the situation hasn't been right yet.

My question.
Do you think you can trust your oh more than other couples you know?
I mean they are hardly likely to have affairs, prostitute, etc if they are in an open marriage, as they have permission.

We have always been faithful to each other as we know there wouldn't be a problem if one of us wanted sex with somebody else.

I hope you never have children.

This is a joke right?
it's the poor kids who get screwed over by parents divorcing, no maintenance payments and having rotten sp's and pushed from pillar to post, you should feel sorry for.
Not those who have grown up with loving parents.

Thank you TigersEyes , I think I understand how polyamory enables deeper bonding than swinging which seems shallow. It may have already been answered (apologies if I missed it) but how did you find your first new dates before you were part of the poly community? Do you stay friends with previous dates / loves that have run their course? Is it always sexual or sometimes a strong emotional bond only? Thanks, all so interesting!