Having a long term affair. AMA

[preparedfortheonslaught]

Almost 8 years in. We both love each other, and meet very occasionally. We both are in relationships that do not fulfil us but would never leave because of children. No one knows apart from us, and we are very careful not to do anything to jeopardise the others relationships by contacting each other apart from e-mails. I feel horrible about my partner, but am unwilling to stop seeing my lover. Ask me anything you like.

What do you do when you meet 3-4 times a year? And what contact do you have in between meeting?

The OM won't leave his partner. You are being used.

What do you tell your husband when you go away with your OM?

How do you know your husband isn't also having an affair and that's why he doesn't want to sleep with you?

How do you know your husband doesn't know? Maybe he does. How does that make you feel?

How would you feel if your DC discover your affair (even if it’s when it’s long ended and they are perhaps grown up with DC of their own)?

Does your OM sleeping with his partner bother you?

Why would you have to leave your son behind if your partner found out?

Don't you find it stressful?

Would your dh care about this affair, doesn't he have the right to decide if he wants to stay with someone who is sleeping with another man. Do you just enjoy having your cake and eating it.

How do you reconcile this half life with what you could have?

I’m also wondering why you think you’d have to leave your children if you divorced your husband?

Do you and the other man plan to leave your spouses and be together when your children have grown up and left home?

Agree with Lilqueenie, you are being used.

You meet 3-4 times a year do you communicate frequently between these times?

What would you do if your affair partner was in hospital or seriously ill? (Sorry I know it's not pleasant to think about). Presumably you'd be terribly worried and want to see them. How would you manage it?

I would be devastated because we are like best friends, but the sexual attraction is not there. I would have to leave our home and move away, leaving our son and our life together. He has done nothing wrong, it is all my fault. The OM would not leave his partner, and I would not want him to leave his children for me.

Do you really think meeting someone 3 times a year and having a shag, is worth all of the devastation you have described?

Are you aware of the long term damage you are doing to the DC?
That one day they will find out and their lives and minds will be changed irrevocably?

How do you know you are the only one, he could be sleeping with half the UK for all you know.

Ask anything we like? Ok.
Why do you think anyone even cares? Some of these AMA are interesting. Yours is not one of them.

What is your plan? Leave DH once the children are old and moved out?

So use up his "young" years "for the children" all the while lying to him.

You say the love you have for your husband is not enough for the long term, so you plan on leaving him, after you have used him.

Do you think that is fair?

Why do you think anyone even cares? Some of these AMA are interesting. Yours is not one of them.

Well lots of other people (including me) are interested. Why read and comment if you're not interested?

Do you think you might be romanticising the whole thing? If you meet so infrequently, you hardly know him really - you could be one of many women he's sleeping with.

How many lies do you have to tell?

How worried are you/how likely you will be found out at some stage?

You say you see him 3 or 4 times a year, where do you get together? In a hotel room for a quick bunk up for the afternoon?
Or do you have weekends away for 'work' with him?

He inadvertently made me see that the love I have for my husband, who is a kind and caring man, would not be enough long term. Some say that people come into our lives for a reason. Do you ever think that the OM has shown you what you needed to know? and that you should move on and deal with things? Do ever think that by making a clean break that would open your future to meeting a person who you could have the relationship you wanted with?

would never leave because of children

Of course, you must teach the children it is ok to
1, be a liar
2, be unhappy
3, have no self respect
4, show that the one person in the world they can trust, they actually can't
5, it is ok to jeopardise their dads happiness, trust for a shag a few times a year
6, to show little respect to the man you apparently love! (Or pretend to)

I could go on, but honestly, you probably have a come back for every point, why? Cos liars always think about themselves!