Engaged to a Jehovah witness

[justaddwa]

Ask me anything, please no nasty comments about it!

Yes, it absolutely happens. It is better to lose a child in this system and see them again in the next than to save them with a transfusion and lose both your chance and theirs of surviving armageddon.

I am very interested in 'bloodless surgery' - I think you mean the cell saver machine.

It is true the a lot of Kingdom Halls have donated cell savers to large university teaching hospitals. They are used in obstetric, cardio thoracic and trauma theatres.

It costs about £124 to use the one time only leukocyte depletion filter that makes the cell saver 'wash' the blood that is auctioned from the surgical field. You can even throw swabs in the bucket and it will extract cells from the swabs.

A marvel.

Obvs we did a massive clinical trial on it. The trial proved that the cell saver had no better monetary value than packed red cells and nor did it improve patient outcomes - not even the patients own perceptions of fatigue.

Great if it stops you catching epilepsy tho!

I watched Apostasy this evening. I have long had contempt for JWs due to my aunts involvement with them and both her treatment of her “worldly” family as a result and their treatment of her when her husband left her. After watching this film I’m no less angry. A hard watch but an important one. The Guardian review here www.theguardian.com/film/2018/jul/29/apostasy-review-daniel-kokotajlo-british-jehovahs-witnesses

This is interesting.

www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/1800s.php

Find another bloke pronto!

My whole family revolves around JWs. Some points:

My baby brother had meningitis and my grandmother didn't speak to my mother for 2 years after my brother received a blood transfusion to save his life.

My grandmother has been a JW for about 60 years and has been married for longer than that, yet my grandfather only got involved in the past ten years or so. It was never frowned upon for them to be married.

My mother was so psychologically damaged by the JW upbringing that she became a young alcoholic and died in her early 40s from liver failure. She was disfellowshipped in her early 20s but the torment didn't stop there.

My grandparents have 3 other heavily alcoholic children (of 5, one dead).

Only one of my grandparents' children is still in the truth. He's an elder now.

I lived with my grandmother for a couple years as a child and had to attend 4 meetings a week, 3 bible study groups (one of which was a weird one-on-one alone in some random man's house), and 3 "on the doors" days. If I wasn't doing these things, I had to spend my time reading the Bible. As a female, I couldn't wear trousers, which was probably the worst thing for me.

I went to assemblies in twickenham etc and they were honestly like big cult meetings. So bizarre.

And etc. Do not recommend.

Yes, remember the assemblies in Twickenham!
One of the worst things is how divisive it is to families. For a religion supposedly about love and God, it is harsh and unforgiving to those who do not totally toe the line.

Went to see Apostasy last night.....very enlightening!

I went to Conventions in Scotland - Perth, Troon, Edinburgh...And the endless meetings. I was a bit naughty and wore trousers outside of meetings. Women also had to wear hats if they were teaching or praying when accompanying a baptised male, because, by rights it should be the man who teaches/preaches/leads prayer and we had to show deference and submission to his authority.

I clealy remember sitting with my very small children for 3 hours trying to keep them quiet because there is no "children's church", sunday school or anything like that. Kids are expected to sit through the whole thing, listen and learn.

The family thing is awful. If you are already married when you convert but your spouse doesn't, then you stay married without a problem, but you are supposed, as per the bible, to try to quietly convert them by your behaviour and by the visible changes the truth makes in your life. You should try to bring your kids up JW though. If your partner is opposed, even violently, it's a sign that you are on the right track and that Satan is trying to divert you. You just need to pray harder, study harder and wait on Jehovah.

If you are the only witness in your family, you are meant to distance yourself from them and replace them with your spiritual family because they are tools that Satan uses to keep you away from the truth. Opposition is always a sign that you are on the right path and that the devil is worried about losing his grip on you.

You are also meant to distance yourself from worldly friends, for the same reason. If you keep their influence, they will weaken your hold on the truth. It's all about keeping the congregation clean and removing outside influences from member's lives.

?the disfellowshipping is horrendous. I knew a girl, a long time ago, who became pregnant as a teenager. She wasn't repentant enough so she was, after a while, disfellowshipped. She was then put out the family home, shunned by her whole family and all her friends and basically just left completely unsupported to get on with it. I know someone else who left when her husband was unfaithful and the elders ade out it was somehow her fault. He remained in good standing and she was almost completely unsupported. She had been a witness for about thirty years. When she divorced her husband, she left before she was pushed and she lost all her friends. None of them will speak to her or acknowledge her in any way. Eventually, she moved away from the area she had lived in all her life to try and start over.

Shunning is cruel and barbaric. Witnesses try to sell it as protecting the congregation and as encouraging sinners to repent etc. but it is the most unloving, horrible thing. As I say, it is a faith of very little grace or mercy.

All so true. My mother's JW beliefs have caused such upset in the family. She can't communicate with her grandchildren, because all conversations revert to her trying to convert them. She disapproves of every aspect of their lives, and makes them feel worthless . She called my daughter an immoral slut because she has a boyfriend, a lovely guy who she's so in love with, but because she isn't married my mother won't hear about it. She can't talk to any of her grandchildren without shoving Watchtowers and Bibles at them constantly, and telling them they need to accept Jehovah or they will never be happy.
She has virtually no relationship with anyone in the family as she has offended and upset nearly everyone with her rigid, dogmatic attitudes. The only person she cares about is her brother and sister in law, who she converted years ago. She talks about them on and on and on, and they are the only people she is truly interested in.

In general, they have no self awareness, no sense of humour and no critical thinking ability. They just lap up the dogma 24/7. I truly hate this religion.

Oh gosh, critical thinking is a big no-no. It would have to be, because applying the least wee bit of independent, critical thought to the doctrines and dogma immediately shows it up to be complete manipulative nonsense! That's why witnesses aren't supposed to read their bibles independently without accompanying Watchtower produced study guides. The Governing Body found that Witnesses who read their bibles without such guides fell away from the truth into apostasy. Fancy that. I can't imagine why.

This is so sad to read. Scary to realise you can be brainwashed with no idea its happening to you!!!

Funnily enough, I've just had the JW'S at the door. It was two old dears that I knew from my home village. Both well into their 80s, both infirm and in poor health. They must have been witnesses for sixty years and they are still waiting for armageddon, which they still expect imminently. They are plodding round the doors in the cold and wet. And they still don't know of they will make it through The End. One of them just told me that the first thing she will do in the new system, if Jehovah decides that she is worthy enough to get there, is visit the body shop! This is a woman who has worked on the doors for sixty years, who has raised a family of faithful witnesses, who shallows hook line and sinker what the GB say as being the true word of God. Her family are now on their 4th generation of waiting for the new system to come, all thanks to her (she was a young widow many years ago) and she still isn't convinced that she does well enough for her God.

It's all heartbreaking

You could be speaking about my mother there. She's been 'in the truth' for 53 years. The Body Shop indeed!!

If JW's object to blood transfusions then how can they eat meat? It's the consumption of blood products after all.

Good point! They don't eat black pudding though...

@brizzledrizzle excellent point!

I have one very close family member that is a JW. She is the thickest person I have ever met and also the most dangerous.

I’m afraid it sounds like OP is way, way down the rabbit hole already

Brizzle, they eat meat that has been drained of blood when it's slaughtered, but they don't eat things made out of blood.

Funnily enough, in the 80's and 90's, loads of witnesses became vegetarian in preparation for life in the new system, when every single living thong will be veggie and there will be no death for any person or creature.

How do you cope with your OH devoting lots of time to something that you don't believe in (assuming you don't as you're not JW)?
Also how will you bring up your children - will he allow you to bring up children your way, or will you allow him to the JW church/enter into their belief system?

I'm not a JW but my mums family are JW. Whilst my nan and aunt are pretty hardcore it really isn't as cultish as a lot of these comments make out - I would hasten a guess made by people who have never even spoken to a JW about what it means to them.

My mum is baptised. She married a Protestant. She is not ex-communicated!
She doesn't attend congregation any more (her choice - would occasionally at easter maybe) but does hold a lot of their views still especially around no sex before marriage and blood transfusions. OP I am v surprised you and your partner have a child outside marriage as this is very rare still.

I think the main issue with JW is how intense people get about it, for example I have cousins who don't have jobs but go out to preach, this actually seems to be getting more common (maybe radicalisation is everywhere?!) compared to 30 years ago when all JWs would have sensible jobs.

That said the congregations have a lot of fun; holidays, parties, drinking etc and in many ways seem more relaxed than a lot of other religions. Partly why they have become more insular is due to the bad press they get - again 30 years ago I don't think it was as much as it is now. Aside from the blood issue i think they get a bad rep, there's a lot worse things going on in the world.

Oh and all the female JW's I know wear trousers

Think OP is on a recruitment drive. After casually flicking through a watchtower the last bunch stuck through my door I wouldn't give these bastards the time of day ever! Towards the end of the publication I stumbled upon an article that claimed children with Down's syndrome have sinned in a previous life. Sick, sick, sick. They don't darken my doorstep anymore as I let my barky beagle chase them off the premises if they dare to venture up my path.

@Miranda15110 JWs don't believe in a previous life so that sounds most odd.

@Miranda15110 - since when did Jehovah's Witnesses believe in a previous life? It seems you may have mixed them up with some other group.

I don't care if it sounds odd. It was written in black and white in their publication. My husband and step daughter were as offended by it as I was. I contacted the local chapter and asked that they refrain from calling at our home and told them why.