Engaged to a Jehovah witness

[justaddwa]

Ask me anything, please no nasty comments about it!

I’m not getting too involved with this thread, the OP sounds vulnerable and a little lacking in critical thinking. Also she isn’t a JW, and nor is her fiancé. But I wanted to thank Beentheredone for backing me up. My mother was disfellowshipped because she left my abusive father, and did not, as ordered, submit to her husband. Also, the magical machine that replaces blood transfusions does not exist, my uncle died because he refused a transfusion. When I needed a transfusion after having my son my mum was still very uncomfortable about it, even though she now firmly believes it’s all bollocks but the indoctrination runs deep. Oh and they absolutely did believe the world was going to end a number of times. When they come knocking on my mums door ( not often, they run away now when they see her coming! ) she takes great delight on quizzing them about it. They deny it now of course, but she lived through a few of the times it was meant to end so can quote chapter and verse on it. Anyway, to the OP, just be careful. You are only on the fringes of it now so they won’t bother you too much, but if join up properly, things can be very different. Don’t believe everything they say, educate yourself. Some of their beliefs really aren’t very nice at all.

Thank you AnnieOH1

He clearly isn't very devout otherwise he wouldn't have considered marrying outside of his faith. I'm an ex JW and it's seriously frowned upon. I'd find it difficult being chaperoned everywhere and not having sex before marriage.

Sorry I've just read the thread and he's not baptised. He isn't a JW. He can say he is all he wants and even if he was raised from birth into a JW family he simply isn't one and the congregation wouldn't consider him one either.

.....its been like that for billions of years?? what has....i dont think the human race has been evolved for that long to do any kind of surgery....

it is well known that cults excommunicate people are soon as they stop toeing the party line. Brainwashing works on controlling others thoughts, feelings and behaviour in all aspects of life....Christmas is satanic? so have you thought about how you are going to raise your children as JWs or satanists?

@justaddwa are you going to watch the film apostasy? My friend who had JW parents and left the religion says it extremely realistic of the cult.

Just found this, I started my own thread on being a JW above. I am astonished your boyfriend is considering marrying you if he is JW , baptised or not. His value system is completely different from yours, and your children will have to be brought up in the religion. Please think very carefully about what you are doing.

Bollocks re blood transfusion. Bollocks. As a nurse for only 5 years I've seen 2 JW due because of this silly reason, it was totally preventable. There is no risk now with BT. Pumping glucose ermmm no, they need RBC, iron not fucking glucose

My aunt is one. I’ve seen what they’ve done to her- including threatening her with disfellowship when her husband left her. IMO They are a bloody horrible organisation with blindly-following sheep for congregants and a dark heart at the top. They prey on the vulnerable. The blood transfusion thing is fucking insanity.

No offence OP but you sound beyond naive. Run for the hills.

If only 144000 are allowed into heaven then why so much canvassing and trying to get people to join? How many JWs are there in the world? Surely more than 144000?
My dh used to work for a business owned and run by JWs, around half the staff were JWs , all management were. A colleague of his started dating a Jw, he started going to meetings and eventually joined so he could marry her. Once he was "in there" it got really intense and he decided to leave. He was no longer allowed to see his fiance, was shunned completely and his life was made hell at work (think false allegations) until he was forced to leave. Do you worry about anything like this happening? Not a rare occurrence I've since discovered.

Also think the no blood transfusion thing is complete bollocks. Especially parents refusing it for their dc. You're meant to do anything to care for and protect your dc, refusing a BT is just abuse.

All the others will live for ever on a restored paradise earth if they survive Armageddon. Witnesses preach because the Bible tells them to make disciples and that the end willhone when the Good News is preached all over the world. They also do it to avoid blood guilt for those who don't survive Armageddon and to boost their credits with Jehovah. It's quite a works based religion and a faith without much grace or mercy. There are so many Obscure rules that you cannot possibly obey them.
It might not be current light but you used to not be allowed to clink glasses in a toast because that stemmed from a pagan tradition of using the noise to scare away demons! There are all sorts of things like that. Also your reading material, the music you listen to, the TV you watch, all of it is regulated by the GB.
OP's fiance is not a witness if he is not baptised. If he were one, he would not be with her or he would be risking disfellowshipping and shunning.

Op, run for the hills and don't look back. They are a nasty organisation who do not reveal their true colours until you are inside and by then it is too late because you have cut ypur ties with family and friends outside the "Truth" to protect yourself from worldly influences. The individual witnesses might be lovely people, but nothing is more important to them than their faith and keeping themselves spiritually clean.

My mother is one and it is no exaggeration to say it has ruined my life. The only thing she cares about is her religion - above family, grandchildren and all else. She gave up a drawing group because it was run by the Church. Now she'd rather sit watching TV all evening or go out on the 'Ministry'.

Absolutely, light. When I was in, I couldn't even listen to Handel, Mozart and the like because it was sacred music and, therefore, originated with the Devil and was designed to lead people away from the truth. I knew many folk who wouldn't attend their kids prizegivings at school in case the local minister was there or in case a prayer was said. It controls every single area of your life and not in a good way. It took me years to stop being afraid that I had condemned my children to a horrible death at Armageddon by leaving.

Add that to the fact that the teachings, or Light, change all the time to accommodate wrong predictions or simply mental stuff like shhort hair making women bald and it becomes clear that it truly is a cult and a dangerous one at that.

As someone who DM is a baptised JW and DF isn't and never has been. Some comments on here are BS. Blood transfusion are a considered a no no, however with the advancement of technology there are alternatives (possibly more expensive), but ultimately it is a personal decision. Transplants again a personal decision. There is no specific age to get 'baptised'. Again if choose not to your decision and if chose to carry on going to meetings that is fine. I chose not to continue as a JW. Personal choice as I was just not interested in religion at all. I have an aunt that is a JW and an aunt that isnt both like to point out that I'm am a unwed mother. I think what I'm trying to say (probably badly) is that people need to remember no one is perfect, for each JW that people encounter they are also an individual, some are more judgmental than other, some families are more strict than others. Just like everyday life with anyone else.

LessStressed... it's crazy isn't it? My parents stockpiled food in 1975 as they fully believed Armageddon was about to happen. Years of stockpiling food and telling us the END WAS NIGH. Then... nothing happened. Funny how they have forgotten about that one, isn't it? Also, when there is no-one left who remembers the first world war, Armageddon will happen.

Absolutely mental. Stay Alive Till 75! The witnesses in my village all gathered at the top of the hill in the centre of town in the morning to wait for THE end. Everyone could see them. They tried to sneak down quietly when nothing happened. All that stockpiling, not having children selling homes etc. to make sure that they were prepared. There was a lot of bitterness after that and loads of folk left, unsurprisingly.

Then there was all the fuss surrounding 1999. Same deal, folk not having kids, folk selling their house, not pursuing kind of career to spend more time in the ministry. And then nothing happened again.

The "generation" teaching doesn't even make sense anymore but people continue to swallow it hook, line and sinker. Girls and women still don't pursue education or careers, most men stay in menial, low paid jobs, all men remain head of their households, women still have to stay in abusive marriages. You still can't marry out. The teachings get ever more crazy and insular. The GB has such a hold over people, it's terrifying. Their hotline to God is unquestionable and they are still the good and faithful servant class.

The whole "personal decision" thing is a bit of a red herring as well, tbh. Every single decision that you make will have to be justified to jehovah at armageddon and there is so little mercy in the faith that if He doesn't like your decisions you will die a horrible death, so fear usually makes folk toe the party line.

I dnt know about the '75 thing and good job didn't happen as I would not be here. As for the 1999 I was and here and I didn't hear anything about the end of the world according to JW. From my personal experience, both boys and girls are encouraged to further their education. One of my old senior managers is a JW. Another person I know is a head chef and her husband is manager who often has to go abroad for business trips both JW. Yes men are head of the household but isn't that reflected in most households and in everyday life. As for abusive relationships I cannot comment as I've never seen or heard anything about that, but not to say it doesn't happen. I would like to think the abuse victim is supported in any way shape or form. Most religion you can't/not supposed to marry out. You are right fear make most people toe the party line no matter what religion.

Boys and girls are not encouraged into further education at all. All of my mothers friends are window cleaners, cleaners or doing some menial job. They leech off her as my father left her reasonably comfortable. I have never been aware of abusive relationships, but i do know that divorce is virtually impossible. i suspect the person in question would be taken aside by the Elders and talked to, but in general things are brushed under the carpet. I can imagine sexual abuse would go unchallenged as they have no real understanding of these things.

Sex generally is considered to be something abhorrent unless it's in marriage. It's talked about as something unclean which spreads disease and as something that has to be guarded against at all cost.

There is really no understanding of the real world. It's portrayed in caricatures and in over the top dramatic language. Discouragement to mix with people outside the religion results in a situation where the JWs are insulated from real life and live in a JW bubble.

So 2 very different experience of JW religion. I was always encourage along with all my siblings to go on to college and further education. Sex before marriage is frowned upon, but then that goes for other religions too. I do think things were brushed under the carpet.
I had friends from all sort of backgrounds. I
Played out with kids on my road, did sports after school, but like I said my own experience so disagree with the whole bubble thing.

I think it depends on the family you are in and how much they take the 'teachings' on board. I mixed with other people and my friends were not JW. I was not encouraged to do menial work, but the norm is for that sort of outlook.

Your experience is very different from mine, Swtp , and from everyone I knew in the faith. I can absolutely confirm the abusive marriage thing. I had a friend whose first husband was a paedophile. Even when he was jailed, she was told to wait on jehovah and stay with him. He remained a member in good standing while he was in prison and when he came out. She eventually divorced him. Her second husband was a violent alcoholic who beat her, sexually, emotionally and financially abused her and drove her to a breakdown. He was spoken to by the elders, but each time he repented and said he wouldn't do it again. He was never censured. She was told that he was her head and that she just had to pray more and be more the wife he needed. When she finally divorced him, she was pushed to the fringes of the congregation. Instead of being supported, she was punished. The treatment that she received was one of the reasons I eventually plucked up the courage to leave.

I had another friend who ended up in a psychiatric hospital because of the way she was treated over the person she wanted to marry. He was considered beneath her in the Truth and it was felt that he would endanger her spiritual strength. It was awful.
I'm glad you had a more open and positive experience than folk I knew. I think, as light says, it depends on how closely the family holds to the teachings and on the individual congregations. It used to be said that everyone knew which congregations wouldn't survive armageddon! And, within the congregation, some people were viewed as strong in the Truth and others as weak and to be avoided. They were pushed to the edge of the congregation and not involved in things to the same extent as the strong ones.

That is appalling Less - I didn't know of anything like that going on, but I can well imagine it. I just don't understand how they get away with all the rubbish they talk and the way they behave, It defies rational understanding really.

Nurse here. Your spiel about blood transfusions was absolute bollocks.

Sounds like you’re well on your way to being a member of the cult.

I find it so hard to believe that a parent would refuse a blood transfusion for their DC. One of mine needed several as a newborn after having surgery (he is fine now). At that moment, I would have done literally anything to keep him with us and just can't imagine a parent saying no in that situation.

Does this actually happen in real life? Or do people accept transfusions for their DC and then leave the religion?