I'm a hijab wearing Muslim woman, ask me anything!

[hijabijabi]

Happy to answer all questions, but most comfortable with questions about my experiences - I can try to answer questions about Islam but am no expert, and other Muslims may hold different opinions.
I'll only be checking the thread intermittenty, so my answers might not be immediate.

@Flatpackjackie why are you imposing your ludicrous and false interpretation of the hijab on OP? Stop being a bully and find someone else to harass.

@Mmmmmmmchips how is that an oxoymoron? I expect my child to wear a hat when it's snowing but I don't force it.

As for your other question about virgins, in paradise we believe we can have whatever we want. I could ask for a 1,000 virgin men if i wanted, and will be given that. But frankly, I would prefer to stuff my face with cake :)

@serenajneedsashag

It upset me when I visited Egypt and I saw a family on a beach with the dad happily swimming in the sea with the children and the mother stuck in a dark cloak, baking on the beach.

If I choose to go to the beach and wear a dark cloak then that is MY choice. This is exactly what I do, why are you getting upset about my freedom of choice? What a bizzare thing to assume and get sad about? Is it so hard to believe that as a Muslim woman I have a choice and I choose to dress this way? Wearing a dark cloak isn't even something that I do because I'm following God's command, I wear a dark cloak because I find it convenient and I want to. Ironically being dresses in a kaftan style covered cloak actually makes my trip to the beach more enjoyable for ME, as I don't need to worry about all the hair removal before the trip and ensuring my stretch marks are not too visible and worrying about the slightly flabbier parts of my bottom. This works for me and I choose to do it. Is that so hard to fathom?

(And before you say you have the choice and other Muslim women don't, that is a) not true, because none of the countries impose a cloak on the women on their beach and b) even if they did do that, that is that country's problem, and the citizens of that country need to stand up to their rules. My civil liberties and freedom of choice will not be affected and should not be affected by what one region may or may not be doing to it's citizens!)

@Belindabauer

Op- I really cannot understand why you choose to wear a symbol of female oppression. No matter what you say, it is just that, a reminder that in Islam females are subservient to males. Stop trying to deflect this by quoting other religions, so what?

Firstly, in Islam, women are not subservient to men. We are equal in the eyes of God.

Secondly, to you and some people in your country hijab may be a symbol of female oppression, and that is because the leaders of your country have HIJACKED hijab and are using it as a tool to oppress your women. You and the citizens of your country need to fight back and find a way to overthrow your regime, so a) they can stop oppressing women and b) they can stop USING the hijab to oppress women. For the rest of the world, hijab is a symbol of a Muslim woman's own personal devotion to God. We will NOT let the hijab be hijacked even further by your oppressive regime by making it a symbol of oppression for the rest of the world when a) it isn't oppressive for the rest of the world, and b) it's aim was NEVER to be oppressive. Your country's regime (I suspect Iran?) has done enough damage it as it is to their own citizens, we will NOT let it damage the free choices of the rest of the world's Muslim women too. I'm sure you will be happy in joining me to share with the rest of the world that your country has hijacked hijab and are using it as a tool to oppress women in your country, but you will not let that affect women who are outside your country who choose to wear it and love to wear it, and are remaining true to the real symbol of hijab, which is a manifestation of Muslim women's devotion to her faith. Don't let your country's oppressive regime win by giving them the power to take over hijab of Muslim women who are not even in your country! This is what they want, and they are manipulating you to fight your energy with Muslim women (who haven't even done anything to you), rather then fight them and work on overthrowing them.

@Vashna why did you wear a burqa if you felt so uncomfortable in it? What a bizzare thing to do?

Also you say at the end of that, why would Muslim women want to wear it. Did you speak to any of those women? What did they say? I'm curious.

Any regime that is imposing hijab on any woman may use the excuse of Islam, but Islam is very clear in that no one can impose religious acts on people. Whether that's the regime or your spouse. Therefore what these regimes are doing is WRONG. As for your example about Pakistan, Pakistan does NOT impose hijab on any woman, so why are some of these women you talk about who are stifled by the burqa, wearing burqa if they don't want to? Is it their men or their culture imposing it? If so teaching them about their Islamic rights is actually the most powerful to get rid of the hold men/culture have over them.

@QuackPorridgeBacon

See I don’t get it. You would teach her that it’s her own choice but also that it’s her personal obligation to wear one. Doesn’t that contradict one another.

There's no contradiction:
It's her own choice to follow the faith or not. If she chooses to follow the faith, then in the faith (Islam), wearing a hijab is an obligation. Simple.

@QuackPorridgeBacon

"My children will know that as Muslims we don't enter into homosexual relationships. But to respect others around them who have a different world view. That said, I will love them no matter what choices they make."

I find this really sad. You cannot tell your child in one breath that you will love them even if gay while also teaching them not to be and that apparently, it’s a choice?

Yes it is a choice. My children will choose whether or not to follow the faith. I will teach them about the faith (the ins and outs) and then it is up to them to decide whether they want to follow it or not.

As for homosexuality, Islam is clear that those that choose to adhere to the Muslim faith, can be homosexuals but shouldn't commit homosexual acts. Islam regards this a huge test for them in this world, and God has promised them a huge reward for their patience in paradise. This may seem utterly stupid to you, but then I suspect so is believing in God?

I want to make very clear, as Muslims we must have respect for all men and women, regardless of anything else (for example sexuality or even how many sins a person may be committing). We are not allowed to judge men and women (except when crimes are committed against a fellow human in which case the law of the land has to apply), as we believe only God is given that role, as he is the only one truly aware of people's actions, struggles and life.

As for the question about hijab and young children, I'm going to copy here the answer another muslim poster gave from another thread on MN:

@FlybirdFly

Re the hijab though I know that Muslim women aren’t required to cover up until after puberty so what are your thoughts on small children wearing hijab. I think this is more a cultural thing within certain communities but I have to admit it does make me feel uncomfortable. Do you think that the culture around this should be changed or again that it is their choice how to dress their children?

Good question, thanks for asking :)I think every parent should have the freedom to bring up their child how they want to, as long as of course they are not harming them in any way. There are parents who choose veganism for their children (nothing wrong with that - its up to them), and others who may choose to teach children about God, and others who may teach their children that God does not exist. These are all choices that parents that make and have the right to do so.

Similarly, if parents want their children to wear a religious symbol or attire, then they have every right to let them wear it. What would help though I think is if people understood the context a little. Let me give you an example about my daughter. When she was 2 she insisted she would not go to the play group unless she was able to wear a headscarf (one she took out from my cupboard). I said NO. Many times. But she is stubborn, and like me, she will find a way to get her way. So when her nanny came to look after her, she insisted that she would not go out until she let her wear it. And she got her way. I was not keen mainly because I knew other parents would judge me and judge Islam. Anyhow, she repeated these demands every few months, and many times I just didn't have the energy to keep arguing with her (terrible two's are hard to deal with as it is!).

When she started school, it started again, she adamantly refused to wear a hat even when it was snowing, but then one day decided she wanted to wear the headscarf. It was freezing that day, and I had to rush off to work, so I gave in. I think she wore it for half a day and then decided to take it off. I do feel bad telling her she shouldn't wear it when she wants to (as I let her wearanythingelse she wants to). I wore the headscarf from a very young age (probably around 6/7) completely of my own choice, and this meant that when it became obligatory on me to wear a headscarf around the age of 12, it was the most natural and easy thing to do. Therefore, I do believe, that if my daughter wants to wear it some days when she is younger (even as young as 6), I should allow her to, because it will make it easier for her to transition into the hijab when she reaches the age of 12 or so (if she then chooses to wear it). Because it isn't easy to start wearing hijab in public when you haven't been used to wearing it (people give you looks and you get stares).

I would like her to wear it at 12 (because I believe in my faith), and I want to do everything in my power to make that transition easy for her, but at the same time, I also believe there is no compulsion in religion - so if she chooses not to wear it, that will be her choice. Does that help you understand a bit why some parents allow their young children to wear hijab? And if there are some parents who may be encouraging their young girls to wear hijab every now and then or more regularly, it is done out of kindness, just to make life easier for them when they reach 12 and choose then to wear it permanently.

Link to that thread is here if anyone wants it: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/AMA/3293323-Im-a-Muslim-ask-me-anything

rain thanks for your contributions.
belinda your first question I'm afraid I have no idea. And also feel I'm not knowledgeable enough to answer. I would encourage posters to take a wider view into account, and look at countries like Malaysia, Indonesia, Morocco, the Emirates. Huge Muslim populations where its perfectly normal for women to study and work.
My family and I were all born here, I'm about as English as it gets.
We have to pray 5 times a day. There is little excuse not to, as it can be modified if you are ill, travelling etc. But if you do miss one you make it up as soon as you can.

Rainsim please don't waste your time on these people again. I guarantee you they have learnt nothing new. It's very obvious where their agenda lies and they have absolutely no desire to learn about Islam. Bullying and harassment is their only aim. Ignore them as you'd ignore any other troll

Firstly, in Islam, women are not subservient to men. We are equal in the eyes of God.

Why is a male witness worth twice as much as a female witness?

Why can men, but not women, take multiple partners in marriage?

Why must only women cover up?

Aswad
Some of ‘these people’ have valid questions and reasons. If you are asking a AMA about a area you know is controversial to some then probably its best not to ask it in first place if you are going to get upset.
You may want to ask yourself how you can help dispel some of this thinking and why has it come about in the first place. What I think many may have an issue with is that in recent years like someone said we are seeing more small girls in a hijab., and that yes it’s may be your choice to wear what you like on the beach when your husband is frolicking in the sea, but because that’s the only way around that’s it’s seen, ie you would never see a man covered head to toe whilst his wife is in a bikini, people are going to wonder.
Whilst I don’t agree with quite a few things that Rainism has said I think that’s fine and fair. I don’t have to ‘learn’ anything, it’s just interesting to know sometimes the thinking behind which is what a AMA, MN and a open society is about.
I also think that you are kidding yourself if you think every niqab or hijab wearing woman has free choice.
What I do have to do is respect that Rainism has answered any questions that are truly honest to the way she practises and follows Islam.

I just received an email this morning inviting me to this conference - lots of amazing Muslim or ex-Muslim women speakers with a somewhat different perspective on these questions:

www.secularconference.com/speakers-2018/

Why is a male witness worth twice as much as a female witness?

Is that true?

Yes, one hundred per cent.

Allaah has commanded the testimony of two women so as to be sure that they remember, because the mind and memory of two women takes the place of the mind and memory of one man. (See I’laam al-Muwaqqa’een, part 1, p. 75).

islamqa.info/en/20051

Worth reading the whole of that page in fact. It continues:

This does not mean that a woman does not understand or that she cannot remember things, but she is weaker than man in these aspects – usually. Scientific and specialized studies have shown that men’s minds are more perfect than those of women, and reality and experience bear witness to that. The books of knowledge are the best witness to that; the knowledge which has been transmitted by men and the ahaadeeth which have been memorized by men far outnumber those which have come via women.

This has to do with gender, i.e., the gender of men is more perfect than the gender of women. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

This does not mean that a woman does not understand or that she cannot remember things, but she is weaker than man in these aspects – usually. Scientific and specialized studies have shown that men’s minds are more perfect than those of women, and reality and experience bear witness to that.

Fuck me. Now I've read it all! I believe the saying goes 'with friends like these who needs enemies!'

In all seriousness, @GorgonLondon, could you point me in the direction of the recognised scientific journals that these studies are published in. I don't mean publications like 'Allah Weekly' or something like that, I mean journals like The British Medical Journal or the Journal of Neuroscience or some other such world recognised and respected scientific publication. I have an interest you see - I not only have a degree in neuroscience but I spend much of my job working in a male environment where I am frequently the manager of men and where I am required to have memorised huge passages of information from the flying manuals. As I have mentioned before - I have no trouble being recognised as the pilot who flew an aircraft into a country other than in Islamic countries, where if this is the reason I cannot be trusted to be in charge of the passenger jet I am capable of being in charge of everywhere else in the world then thanks - you've opened my eyes to just how much more backwards Islam is than even I could have guessed at.

Are all Muslim marriages arranged marriages or are there 'love matches' ?
Please forgive my ignorance, I live in a country with a small, but growing Muslim population.
In my country, in my grandmothers time, in rural areas there were arranged marriages. It had to do with land.

Do you believe there have ever been horses that can fly?

In all seriousness, @GorgonLondon, could you point me in the direction of the recognised scientific journals that these studies are published in

Ummmm... I trust you understand that I wasn't posting that stuff because I agree with it?

Rainsim you keep referring to "those countries" and the women of "those countries" sorting out the oppression imposed by those governments of "those countries".

I'm interested - can you name me one Muslim based country where women are treated as equals to men? I can't think of any. Certainly none in the Middle East, Africa and certainly not Pakistan/Bangladesh.

Of course you have the luxury that the western liberal democracy affords you to take such a simple view of freedom and feminist rights.

The hijab is and will always be a clear symbol of misogyny and Islam without enlightenment will continue to treat women as second class citizens. Name one country - just one

Please read this:

www.misconceptions-about-islam.com/two-female-witnesses-one-male.htm

It explains that the issue of 2 female witnesses applies only in one specific situation, and that in another situation the testimony of a female can cancel out that of a man.
This short YouTube video may also help:

Unfortunately the website that appears at the top of a Google search isn't always the best source of Islamic knowledge.

barth just the one!
bean mixed I think. Even in arranged marriages, which usually implies the families have been involved in finding a spouse, there needs to be agreement from both the man and the wife. I have many friends in very happy arranged marriages. Mine was a 'love' marriage, in that we met at work and liked each other, but there was no actual relationship prior to marriage. So not that much different other than the way we met. It's very important to distinguish between arranged and forced marriages - they are completely different things and no marriage is valid without the women's consent.

It explains that the issue of 2 female witnesses applies only in one specific situation

What situation?