*Trigger Warning* - Our son was stillborn - Ask me anything.

[DippyDiplodocus]

Our dear son was stillborn at 38+2 weeks, in May of last year. No real cause was found for his passing.

I know this is not the most cheerful of subjects, however I am also aware that some people find it a difficult subject to approach in the real world. So, please, ask me anything.

Congratulations to you and your family, enjoy every single minute 💕

I’ve only just seen your thread, thanks for sharing your story, many years while I was reading. Congratulations on your gorgeous bundle, all the best xxx

I have just read from start to finish and wanted to say I am so sorry for the loss of your Edward. Your daughter is beautiful and I am wishing your little family so much love and happiness for the future

Oh my I have just read your thread while I am meant to be working had to look away quite a few times as I was starting to tear up! Your amazing OP and your beautiful Edward is so well loved.
Congrats on your little girl! She is just divine

Thank you all once again for your kind words. I hope the thread was helpful and insightful

I can't believe our little girl is almost three weeks old now. We feel incredibly lucky. X

Edward is so beautiful and congratulations on your new bundle. So happy for you xx

Op I hope you don't mind me asking or posting.
My husband's aunt had a stillborn baby before I met him. She lives on the other side of the world which has made support difficult.
I don't know her that well. We have had 2 kids. Both of which she doesn't acknowledge, until they are toddlers even then she chats to them but at arms length.
Both kids would be younger than her son would be.
I never know how to acknowledge her son as it was 3 years before I started dating dh.
I also feel a bit cross that she doesn't even send a card to welcome the baby ( family are BIG card people). Then I feel awful for feeling like this.

I lost my son when he was 14 hours old, 6 weeks ago. He is my only child. I am really struggling with the idea of living without him and stories like yours give me hope that I might one day find a way forward without feeling like I am leaving him behind. I hope he is watching over me but I worry he isn't.

Just read through this thread and it's made me cry. I am so overwhelmed by your strength and positivity op. Both your babies are so lucky to have you as their mum. Congratulations on your beautiful girl. I absolutely love both the names Edward and Grace.

Georgina125 I'm also so sorry for your loss. Do you have instagram as there are a few people on there who have gone through similar and seem to offer a lot of support to each other. I'm thinking in particular about featheringtheemptynest who writes beautifully and positively about life after loosing her little boy.

I am on Instagram but avoiding it currently in case of people putting their happy baby photos up. Obviously they are allowed but I am in too bitter a headspace to see stuff like that.

I hope to get a rainbow baby in time, like described in this thread.

Beautiful children, dippy.

Op I hope you don't mind me asking or posting.
My husband's aunt had a stillborn baby before I met him. She lives on the other side of the world which has made support difficult.
I don't know her that well. We have had 2 kids. Both of which she doesn't acknowledge, until they are toddlers even then she chats to them but at arms length.
Both kids would be younger than her son would be.
I never know how to acknowledge her son as it was 3 years before I started dating dh.
I also feel a bit cross that she doesn't even send a card to welcome the baby ( family are BIG card people). Then I feel awful for feeling like this.

Hi Moneypenny

I'm sorry, but I'm not entirely sure what you are asking here(?)

If you are wondering how to approach your DH's aunt, I think this is something that perhaps you should speak with your DH about. Depending on how close your DH and his aunt are may affect the method of approaching the subject.

Do you know much about the circumstances of the loss? Do you know the name of the baby? Would you feel comfortable enough to approach the aunt yourself on the subject? Is this something you want to do?

It's a difficult one as it is not a recent loss and I think if you jump in with both feet dear aunt may feel a little bit cornered and it might make her pull away from you even more.

Whatever steps you take, I'd advise you to take them very slowly and cautiously as your good intentions are, they may be too much for her.

With you saying that she is unable to acknowledge your children suggests to me that she is in too much pain to do so. Please don't take this personally, I'm sure she doesn't mean to make you feel bad and she probably feels some sense of guilt over her behaviour too. All I can say is be patient with her. Grief and loss are the most intense and painful of things to have to deal with and go through.

I hope she has some real life support - if she doesn't perhaps this is where you could try to offer some gentle support, even if you are just an ear for her to express how she feels.

It's tough. Just take things slowly and speak with your DH on how it is best to approach.

I hope that was some help x

I lost my son when he was 14 hours old, 6 weeks ago. He is my only child. I am really struggling with the idea of living without him and stories like yours give me hope that I might one day find a way forward without feeling like I am leaving him behind. I hope he is watching over me but I worry he isn't.

Hi Georgina125

Firstly, I am so terribly sorry for your loss

The truth is, you won't ever leave him behind. It's been well over a year since we lost Edward and even though our lives have changed since he was born and time has moved on, emotionally I don't think I have necessarily.

It's hard to describe really. The grief will never go away. we grieve because we love and I will never stop loving Edward, as you will never stop loving your precious child. I am in a different place now compared to where I was just after we lost him but the love and pain is still present, I have just learned to cope with it better.

You are still early on in your journey after your loss and how you feel echos the way I did after losing Edward. It's difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel. I struggled with the concept of Edward being with me "in spirit" as I'm not a religious person so the idea of him being with God or in heaven just didn't ring true and I couldn't get my head around it.

DH and I had rings made by Ashes into Glass, with Edward's ashes inside. I wear my ring 24/7. Having that really made me feel so much better as I knew I physically still had him with me. I was mostly worried about going on holidays and leaving him behind at home, so having the ring really really helped me.

I think you have to do whatever makes you feel better. I channeled my grief through art, I paint, so I started painting sunflowers. I also had a journal to document how I felt, sometimes getting the emotion out is helpful. I didn't want to speak to a counsellor as I didn't think they could help because they wouldn't understand the pain I was feeling. I know this isn't true for everyone but it was something I was unable to face. Writing helped me.

I also planted a lot of trees and bushes in the garden. I dedicated a lot of time to these and in a way it made me feel as though I was doing something for my son still.

There are places online also that you can reach out to other parents for support, such as here on Mumsnet, the SANDs website, there is also a forum called HUG (help us grieve), if you find it easier to speak to others online rather than in person.

You're absolutely not alone in how you feel and although it is no consolation to you now, I can tell you that things do get better with time. You won't ever stop grieving and your pain won't ever go away fully but it will change and you will adapt, you will learn how to cope and things will get a little lighter for you.

Once again I'm so sorry for your loss.

All my love x

Thank you deptford x

Thank you mostdays - I have to agree, even though I'm biased! X

Thank you dippy for sharing your families story touched me in a way I have no words for, my parents lost my older brother Craig when he was 11days old he was born premeture I cant remember ever being told about my brother felt like I've always known must of been told very young or asked question myself, I'm 30 now & we still all talk about our big brother & celebrate his life & our loss as did my father before he passed but my mother keeps her loss to herself & still gets upset if he's mentioned in front of her I don't think she ever grieved for her loss & just went on autopilot for a few years from what I know, I'm so glad that there is more support out there for parent's these days & your story has inspired me to raise some money for a cause associated with support to parents or supplies much needed for my next charity event
Beautiful babies dippy & Thank you again for a rare & honest insight into a parent whose lost a baby I think little Edward may of touched most of hearts on here too

Thanks for reading the thread @Makesmilingyourbesthobby - I'm so so pleased that it has inspired you to fund raise, how wonderful! Thank you so much.

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your dear brother. I hope your mum can find some peace x

Hi dippy just wanted to say Edward is beautiful and I'm so very sorry for your loss. reading everything you've written your love and pride for him shine through. Thank you for sharing your story and Edward.
Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl Grace may she bring you much joy, we too have a rainbow Grace and she's awesome!