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*Trigger Warning* - Our son was stillborn - Ask me anything.

193 replies

DippyDiplodocus · 12/07/2018 14:29

Our dear son was stillborn at 38+2 weeks, in May of last year. No real cause was found for his passing.

I know this is not the most cheerful of subjects, however I am also aware that some people find it a difficult subject to approach in the real world. So, please, ask me anything.

OP posts:
GetInMaBelleh · 12/07/2018 23:12

What a beautiful boy.

You sound like an exceptional mother and woman OP.

All the best going forward with your pregnancy x

Dhalandchips · 12/07/2018 23:19

Love x

Cheeseandapple · 12/07/2018 23:22

My heart feels so full reading your replies. Your gentle love for your sweet baby just swells off the page. What incredible strength and bravery to speak so candidly. Thank you x

Followtheyellowsicktoad · 12/07/2018 23:25

Edward is beautiful, thank you for sharing his picture.

I lost my little girl a few days after she was born and everything you have said about your experiences rings true for me. I remember the utter desperation to get pregnant again, and then the quiet conviction that it would happen again. That stayed until DC2 had passed DC1's last milestone.

When I was pregnant again people would ask if it was my first, which I really struggled to answer. In the end I was truthful, and so many women would then tell me of their losses. It really surprised me. Stillbirth and neonatal death are such a difficult subject, thank you for opening this up and being so eloquent.

Original poster
DippyDiplodocus · 12/07/2018 23:27

Thank you Cakeandmarshmallows - he’s my best achievement, so so proud of him.

Petronellas

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time of things lately, however I’m glad I could help to give you a different perspective on things. I think we all need that sometimes. X

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Crownandheelshigh · 12/07/2018 23:27

I don't have a question but being a first time mum and having been in premature labour at 24 weeks and then having an emergency c section at 31 weeks and being told to prepare to lose my little boy, I wanted to say thank you, the pain you must have gone through... he's so gorgeous and u sound like an amazing woman and mother. Xxx

Original poster
DippyDiplodocus · 12/07/2018 23:30

Thank you Beyond, GetInMaBelleh, Dhalandchips and cheeseandapple

As I have said previously, I am just so glad that this thread has given a bit of insight into stillbirth. I’m also super pleased and happy that you all appreciate how beautiful my little boy was.

It’s been so lovely to read your replies and to see that so many of you have been moved by our story x

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Original poster
DippyDiplodocus · 12/07/2018 23:35

I’m so sorry for your loss Follow

I have struggled as for us, with Edward being over 38 weeks we are yet to reach a stage where we feel “safe”. If we had lost him earlier or suffered a miscarriage, we may have felt a little more secure making it beyond that date of loss, alas we haven’t and wont get that far this time, due to being induced at 37 weeks.

It’s a very tricky subject, this is why I wanted to start the thread. Thank you for taking the time to read it x

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DippyDiplodocus · 12/07/2018 23:35

Thank you for your kind words Crown x

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DaisyChops · 12/07/2018 23:38

Beautiful photo's, thank you so much for sharing these with us all xxx

upsydaisydah · 12/07/2018 23:40

Hey dippy - firstly I am so sorry that beautiful Edward died, but thank you for sharing him with us all Flowers.

I had a brother, stillborn at 30 weeks. I was very young at the time and I only found out about him when I found his birth certificate years later. It was extremely confusing and upsetting. However now as an adult, my DM talks to me about him often, I’ve seen photographs of him - and I feel so grateful my DM is comfortable being open with me and my other siblings about our brother.

Will you tell Edward’s sister about her brother? If so, when?

HollowTalk · 12/07/2018 23:42

I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful boy. I just wanted to wish you all the very, very best with your new baby. Flowers

GothMummy · 12/07/2018 23:46

I'm so sorry to hear of this and thankyou for sharing your story of Edward. I had a friend whose baby daughter was still born and I was utterly terrified of saying the wrong thing to her. I didn't know about cooled cots, that sounds like a wonderful invention for a dreadful time. Wishing you all the best with your current pregnancy.

Original poster
DippyDiplodocus · 12/07/2018 23:49

Will you tell Edward’s sister about her brother? If so, when?

Hi Upsy

We intend to tell his sister about him, probably as soon as she is old enough to understand that she had a big brother but he isn’t here on Earth any more. I’m not sure at what age she will be able to understand this fully and I’m equally unsure if this is the right thing to do. Perhaps there isn’t a right or wrong in this sort of situation.

I certainly don’t want to hide Edward from his little sister, I feel like it’s important for her to know that she had a brother and I hope she loves him as much as we do.

Saying that we do have little things around the house of Edward’s and things with his name on, so when she’s bigger obviously she would probably ask who Edward is and why we have his belongings in the house. I never want to hide him from her.

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2018SoFarSoGreat · 12/07/2018 23:51

Hello little Edward. It is lovely to meet you, even here in my small screen. How loved you are!

Dippy those little fingers! Such a precious, perfect boy. And I can totally feel why you so adore his little face. Priceless pictures.

I want to go hug my (giant, utterly grown) DC.

Original poster
DippyDiplodocus · 12/07/2018 23:53

Thank you both HollowTalk an GothMummy

The cooled cot is a fantastic, simple piece of equipment that makes such a huge difference to parents. It allowed us to have those few days with our son. It’s such a simple device and yet so incredibly meaningful and important.

I hope to do some fund raising in the future to help buy more cots for more hospitals, so other parents may be allowed their precious time to make as many memories as possible.

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DippyDiplodocus · 12/07/2018 23:54

Go hug them 2018 Life is far too short to not hug everyone you love x

Thank you again for your kind words xx

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DippyDiplodocus · 12/07/2018 23:58

I’m going to sign off for the evening now, tired pregnant lady whale needs some rest!

If anyone has any more questions, please do post them and I will answer them tomorrow.

Thank you all for being so incredibly lovely. I’m so glad that this thread has been insightful and helpful for you.

Smile
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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/07/2018 00:05

What a beautiful baby.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how much your heart aches.

What made you choose the name Edward.

OhTheRoses · 13/07/2018 00:17

I don't have questions. I am sitting next to dd. A grown up 20 year old still full of blonde and legs.

She was born 51 weeks after ds2. A miracle 20 years ago and now.

Eventually you come to terms with it op. Eventually it gets easier I promise.

RIP Alexander. You would be 21. I still picture you. A bit taller, a bit darker than your big bro. Possibly a bit quieter and more thoughtful like dd, your little sister. I wonder where you'd have gone to uni, if you'd have made the first XV, would you have been mathsy like me or a liberal arts bod like DH, DS1 and DD.

And then I look at DD and my heart breaks again because with you I wouldn't have her.

Be brave OP, you are of course v brave. May you and yours go well Flowers

DeadButDelicious · 13/07/2018 00:19

Hello Dippy, your boy is beautiful, thank you for sharing his photo with us and giving others a chance to ask questions about this sadly taboo subject.

I lost my first daughter at 20 weeks. It was very sudden. She was very poorly. We got to spend some time with her, I can still remember her smell, even though she was so small, she had that distinct new baby smell. She looked so like her father. She was perfect.

I never know what to say about her loss. Officially she is classed as a late miscarriage. Those words seem so small.

We have since gone on to have our second daughter and I was wondering how you feel about the concept of the 'rainbow baby'? I am not against it by any means. When she was born we received many rainbow themed gifts and cards, it was a lovely way, I felt, of acknowledging the loss and life of our first child and the hope that this new baby brought with her. I am however conscious of not making her whole identity that of a 'rainbow baby'.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Thanks. Wishing you a safe and well delivery.

OhTheRoses · 13/07/2018 00:23

OP what you have now, MNet, is a chance to share and be transparent. Just 21 years ago it was still not there. It was still a world of whispers. It shouldn't be the last taboo.

LanguishlockedinL · 13/07/2018 00:40

Thank you for this.

littlecabbage · 13/07/2018 00:43

Hi Dippy.

Thank you so much for sharing Edward's story and beautiful photos. I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

PersisFord · 13/07/2018 08:03

OhTheRoses Flowers and Cake. I’m in my late 30s and one of my friends had had an older brother who was stillborn. She talked about him a lot when we were little and we all used his name and knew that “Louise has a younger sister Claire but before she was born her mum had baby Mark who died”. I was talking to my mum about it a few years ago and she said how unusual that was - like you said, nobody talked about still birth or miscarriage or anything. How heartbreaking for you, and I’m so sorry.

Dippy his precious little FACE!! What a cutie!! And his darling little fingernails! Congratulations on such a beautiful baby!

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