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AMA
Original poster

I have Dissociative Identity Disorder - AMA.

171 replies

Hawkie · 07/07/2018 16:34

As the title says...

OP posts:
Original poster
Hawkie · 10/07/2018 09:40

Thank you again, I’m feeling a bit better today.

I have to get a few things done so I am on my phone typing and I’ll be working backwards.

What do I wish I had known earlier about DID

Ok I wish I had known how to handle doctors that don’t believe in it better; I’ve learnt along the way that I actually don’t have to tell everyone and this has helped massively with avoiding some unwanted and uncesssary comments.

I wish I had learnt how to communicate my triggers earlier - and that I am totally within my right to say “don’t touch me”. I had a lovely A and E doctor who was trying to help hug me tightly which just sent me into a switchy mess - I didn’t know him and he couldn’t understand how a hug could mess me up so much.

Also that getting treatment is a hard process and doesn’t necessarily reflect there is something fundamentally wrong with me, but more with the system.

OP posts:
Justtheonequestion · 10/07/2018 11:44

Wtf did a male a and e doctor hug you tightly (or at all)??

SpecialMoomin · 10/07/2018 14:41

You sound incredibly brave OP to manage with all this. Has your abuser(s) ever faced any kind of justice and if they did, has it helped you to deal with your past at all?

yawning801 · 10/07/2018 20:17

Glad you're having a better day OP. Sorry that I just disappeared out of nowhere, I have been laptop-less the past few days!

Do you all have the same handwriting? Do you ever write notes to the others or can you communicate in your head?

Original poster
Hawkie · 11/07/2018 11:57

Asked by @ yawning801 (sorry for the delayed response)

So does the 3/4 year old personality come out in public? And do they have the vocabulary of a young child?

Yes and yes. Think they are more likely to come out at a play park then when I have to do adult things though although they can be pretty vocal when I have to do adult things to. They love the book shop (it's a nightmare, it costs me a lot of money!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Hawkie · 11/07/2018 11:58

Do you all have the same handwriting? Do you ever write notes to the others or can you communicate in your head?

Also asked by @yawning801

Different handwriting but the younger ones don't write at all. I have five distinct types of handwriting - I will try and photograph some discrete pages of the journal later that don't give my identity away. We also have different hand preferences.

OP posts:
yawning801 · 11/07/2018 16:06

Oh wow the handwriting thing is so interesting!

Are you all aware and accepting of the DID, or are there some who deny it?

Do you all share the same surname?

Original poster
Hawkie · 12/07/2018 13:38

Aware I still have some questions to answer but I am now confused about where we stopped.

No discussion on surnames @yawning801 so I can't answer that.

I think aware, but not comfortable and some parts are probably in denial at least some of the time - hell, I think I am in denial about it some of the time too.

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 12/07/2018 22:46

Do your alters age? Will the children always be children or will they grow up eventually? How do birthdays work?

fuzzyfozzy · 13/07/2018 15:56

How're you doing today?

Justtheonequestion · 13/07/2018 16:26

Hope youre ok x

Original poster
Hawkie · 13/07/2018 17:32

How do birthdays work They don't. Everyone gets very excited a couple of months before and then it's switchy central on the actual day.

The alters don't actually age though, they just like celebrating things. They have always stayed the same age.

A difficult day has turned into a difficult week. Currently in bed watching Finding Nemo and the Alcohol Experiement

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 13/07/2018 17:58

Thanks for answering. I hope you're ok, and this is temporary for you. Excellent choice with finding memo Flowers

yawning801 · 13/07/2018 18:14

Finding Nemo is good! Hope you're OK OP, I'm so sorry for all the questions!

Original poster
Hawkie · 13/07/2018 18:20

The questions are ok, please keep them coming. I'm sure I have missed some but will catch up over the next few days.

Finding Nemo is the best!

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 13/07/2018 18:44

I don't know if you've seen it but there's a documentary (you can find it on youtube) called diaries of a broken mind. There's a young woman with DID who explains her condition very well. Maybe something to watch whilst you're having some down time.

Faceyface · 13/07/2018 21:44

Do you know or have you interacted with others with DID?

ZispinAndMushroomTea · 13/07/2018 22:33

I know I'm not the OP, but I hope you don't mind me saying something about the aging thing, because it's been a surprise for me.

My "alters" (or whatever - I've not really come to a happy conclusion on what term to use - parts, alters, voices, personalities... my therapist calls them my team...) don't age in terms of years, but they've definitely changed. I didn't think they had, until I found some writings I (well "they", but it's me of course) had done 24 and 25 years ago. I was shocked by the difference. The parts in question are still well identifiable, and many main characteristics are still the same, but they were definitely a lot less mature and a lot more extreme in their views and reactions. The inner dynamics between seemed to have been completely different back then. So while they haven't aged in my mind, they have changed and matured, which is a relief.

genuineOCDsurvivor · 13/07/2018 22:53

Thanks for an interesting thread OP, may I ask do the others mind you sharing? Like do they like to be acknowledged publicly? Not sure how to put it, sorry if I'm doing an insensitive job Blush does it sort of validate them as part of you that you share about them?

yawning801 · 15/07/2018 15:40

How have you been the past couple of days OP?

Original poster
Hawkie · 15/07/2018 18:06

It's been a really hard week. We are dealing with therapist holidays (hugely deserved) and some other things that would be very outing.

Going to Nandos for a treat and then watching a movie and having an early night (I hope, not slept in 2.5 days).

Thank you for asking.

I've not knowingly met anyone with DID, but have met people with dissociative disorders.

I enjoy the youtube channel with the woman who has DID - thank you, i hadn't seen it.

OP posts:
yawning801 · 15/07/2018 18:17

Sending unMumsnetty hugs and best wishes to you. Don't feel you have to come back and answer the questions, put your wellbeing first.

CheshireChat · 15/07/2018 18:43

How does Christmas work?

Also, do you have stuff like toys, kids apps so the younger ones can be entertained?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 15/07/2018 22:47

When you are the 3/4 year old, are you safe? Like, do they get up to mischief that could get you hurt? Or does someone else takeover before that can happen? Have you been hurt and not know how or when it happened?

WickedLazy · 16/07/2018 01:31

"This is such an interesting thread! OP, do you think your alters are aware they are alters, or do you think they believe their own personality is the main one/Me?"

"You said earlier that all of your alters think they're the main personality, how do you know that youarethe main one?"

Do questions like this ever scare you a bit?