I have Dissociative Identity Disorder - AMA.

[Hawkie]

As the title says...

I don't have a question, not sure what to ask but this is SO interesting. Thank you for sharing.

You seem very insightful. I am interested how you say there is 'you', then others. I have heard other people refer to themselves as 'we'. If 'you' can be differentiated from, then who are they others? Are they you at earlier stages of development, and also, how does one speak a language fluently-did you have exposure to that at some point?
Also (sorry!) did they think you had schizophrenia at any point? Does medication help?

Interesting thread Op.
Are you having any intergration therapy?
Do people have to care for you / make sure you aren’t left alone in case you switch to a child identity?

Can you make yourself switch between alters?

@Justtheonequestion I am going to leave the first part of your question until the morning as I am now medication drowsy (I take something to help me sleep only). I have been on antipsychotics before and they dampened things down but that was more the drowsiness. They were stopped as soon as the diagnosis was realised.

@Ticcinalong Yes - well it's not termed integration therapy but everyone is aware they are not to remove any of my identities from me and that my goal is to be able to live a fulfilled life with all of me. The people I see have several models of therapy between them which is very helpful as this means I don't have to fit into a specific therapy model box.

Do people have to care for you / make sure you aren’t left alone in case you switch to a child identity?

No, well yes in way, but not in the way you are thinking. I'm more likely to have more service contact when I am switching to a child identity, and I don't look after myself (meals, showers etc) but no one specifically looks after me. I have never been an inpatient although there have been a few occasions where it has been considered.

@TFSRM No, I cannot make myself switch between alters.

Going to sleep now but thank you for all the questions and I will check back tomorrow to answer the one I left for the morning and see if there are any more.

Ooh thought of one. When you switch to another alter/identity, do they ever infringe (sorry can't think of a better word) on to the lives of the others? For example, would the children try to drive or cause problems with other people that other alters get on with? (I know that was badly asked, sorry)

Just wanted to say I also have DiD and big hugs to you for starting this thread.

If presumed therapy would help you process your trauma and the identities would fade as they weren't needed, interesting that it will help you deal/integrate them.

I don't have a question, I just want to say thank you for sharing this and being so open with your answers. I realise everyone's experiences will be different but it's something that isn't talked about as often as it should.

How old are your alters?
Are they a different gender to you?
Do they all have different backgrounds e.g. they have parents / siblings / ethnicity that you don't / they didn't go to the same school as you or are the alters all from the same history as yourself?
Thanks for doing this AMA

Just thought of another question - if you have a significant other and / or children of your own? If so do they understand DID, do they have a relationship with you or you and all or some of your alters?

The alter who speaks a different language - did they have to learn it somewhere? Have you verified that it is accurate and can you speak that language? I can't get my head around how the information was collected! I have a loved one with DID and I don't feel I can ask too many questions of them because it makes them uncomfortable. But this is a big question I have! Do the alters 'pool' knowledge like that?

Thank you for starting this thread. Very brave and very generous of you to answer these questions. x

This is such an interesting thread! OP, do you think your alters are aware they are alters, or do you think they believe their own personality is the main one/Me?

Morning Hawkie, I hope you had a good night and you haven't found this thread stressful. I found myself awake quite a bit last night thinking about you - but not be n a weird way!

In general, are you happy with your life and just want to find a way of living with your other identities? Or ideally would you rather they all went away?

If any of them disappeared for good, would this be considered positively by you and your therapists? As in there's a part of you which has been "healed"?

Good morning,

I'll start with @Justtheonequestion questions I left yesterday which was "I am interested how you say there is 'you', then others. I have heard other people refer to themselves as 'we'. If 'you' can be differentiated from, then who are they others? Are they you at earlier stages of development, and also, how does one speak a language fluently-did you have exposure to that at some point?"

I do refer to myself as us and we, but not all the time because it confuses a lot of people. This is probably the hardest part to explain but I know that I have one body (although it doesn't always look or feel like that) and there are several people inside that body for me. I know there is the main identity (I don't like the word host yet) and then the others, I can work out the main one, although one is very similar. If you think of a small village than that village will need a petrol station worker, a baker, a fisherman (I am so not awake but bear with me), a teacher, a nurse etc. That's sort of how it is in in my body, everyone has a reason to be there although some of these reasons aren't quite clear yet.

So they age from 3 or 4 (there's some indecision on this one) to 28ish.

With the language it was really weird. I don't think I have ever been exposed to that language - I started to hear it inside my head and didn't know what it was. A Spotify playlist in that language appeared and that identity does understand most of the lyrics and will talk about it in English as well. The language isn't related to a religion either which is why people don't think it has been related to childhood or abuse. It's certainly not a language I would have learnt in adulthood or childhood.

So does the 3/4 year old personality come out in public? And do they have the vocabulary of a young child?

When you switch to another alter/identity, do they ever infringe (sorry can't think of a better word) on to the lives of the others? For example, would the children try to drive or cause problems with other people that other alters get on with? (And is not badly asked)

This is from @Bobbiepin

You will be pleased to know that I don't drive (and I am actually given free public transport which is amazing because small children love buses)! Switching is quite clever as it is usually the alter that things they can best handle the situation that I switch to, but yes, they can infringe on their lives with others. This is one of the reasons I now don't have too many people / friends around me, it's much easier with a smaller group who can (sort of) understand.

@keyboardjellyfish Thank you, I hope you are getting the help and support you feel you need.

@fuzzyfozzy I guess that when I become more integrated, I will become less switchy, but I can never imagine not having all of my identities.

Thank you. Why are your selves split into so many people (feel free not to answer)? Why do the docs think it happened-not the abuse (sorry for that) but the mental processes? X

You are welcome @user1493841671

The next ones are from @Carecomplet

How old are your alters?
3 or 4 to 28

Are they a different gender to you?

Some are, some are the same gender. Most are female.

Do they all have different backgrounds e.g. they have parents / siblings / ethnicity that you don't / they didn't go to the same school as you or are the alters all from the same history as yourself?

It is mostly very similar, schools are sometimes out and I come from a family which is ethnically mixed but all of them claim to be varying degrees of my own ethnicity. I would give an example and more details here but this would probably out me - sorry!

Please don't apologise @Hawkie - thank you for answering

Have you read a book called "Set this house in order"? Is it a realistic depiction of DID? Many thanks

Just thought of another question - if you have a significant other and / or children of your own? If so do they understand DID, do they have a relationship with you or you and all or some of your alters?

Ok, so this is where I may get flamed, please be gentle. I was in a poly relationship as a way of keeping everyone happy, however, it put me in a vulnerable position for various reasons and I ended up deciding that this wasn't the right thing to do. I currently am not in a relationship as what you would call a relationship, I am totally in an emotional relationship with my best friend and he does have a relationship with some of my identities. We are going to go to therapy to work on how this would work though - he, very rightly, has huge concerns around my ability to consent coherently which is why this is an emotional one. This isn't a bridge we need to cross now.

There's nothing more I want in the world than to have children but I want to do five years of therapy first before I think about this again (I think about it everyday). I want to be sure that I am in the best place before I have a child. I think it's only fair on all of us (Me, Child, Partner).