ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

Oh so your just more sexually liberated then me. So would we all become prositutes if we were a bit more open minded and liberated then? Women who don't sell their bodies aren't all pearl clutching prudes.

I was neither insulting you nor implying non-prostitutes are prudes, and I'm sorry you have interpreted my words in this way.

Take responsibility for the reality of what you choose to do - the normalisation if women as commodities, the de-humanising of sex, the inherent misogyny you facilitate - because these things DO affect other women and such justifications ARE an insult and very triggering to women who have less choices than you and whose lives have been ruined by the practises you seem to need to get people to understand.

With respect Pa1oma, your assertion that prostitution facilitates misogyny etc is your opinion. I am aware that is is a popular opinion on mumsnet, but it is still a theory and not a fact.

Try excusing explaining the morality and benefits of prostitution to a 14 year old who has been trafficked across Europe - beaten, raped and life ruined. Because it’s all ultimately part of the same mentality when you strip it all back - women as commodities, women to service “the market” that is men’s sex drive. Some have to be forced into it, some apparently don’t.

As I have already mentioned on this thread, I volunteer with a sex work project for vulnerable women who should not be involved with prostitution. Between this and my own sex work I have a very good understanding of a lot of the industry. Vulnerable young women who are trafficked or coerced quite obviously have absolutely no interest in the benefits of prostitution because they do not want to be involved in it.

Suggesting that criminals who are abusing women have the same same attitude as most men paying for sex is, in my opinion, both incorrect and uninformed.

My point is that there is an illegal and immoral side to the sex industry and this needs to be stopped, but shaming or condemning an entire industry because of criminals who abuse women is ridiculous. This is exactly why the government needs to work with sex workers and former sex workers.

I do agree with all you said @Pa1oma except the career of racist mindset. To me the difference is that the prostitute is choosing to use her own body to facilitate the male. The only comparison I could make but is nowhere near it still is black/Asian/minority men and women in porn but also in mainstream media ramping up the stereotype of their ethnicity/race.

Yes, it can be a bit poor taste especially to those who are still being racially abused but the actress/actor should be freely allowed to portray this role if they themselves are willing.

With respect Yetanother, I would have to disagree as someone who worked for years in child protection. I do think legal prostitution promotes the acceptance of the industry as a whole. How could it not? Where do you draw the line anyway? What constitutes abuse to one woman will be acceptable to another. The fact that some women are vociferous about their choice to be a prostitute, blurs lines and makes it more difficult for abused, controlled or trafficked women to be identified from those who enjoy it or partly enjoy it. Maybe they despised it at first, but have now come to terms with it and can appear to be choosing it, even enjoying it? Who would ever know when every case is different?

How can a punter ever know that a prostitute has never been trafficked, has had an abusive childhood, pimp “boyfriend” or mental health problems? If they were worried about the possibility of any of this in the slightest, they wouldn’t be visiting prodtitutes in the first place! Men who pay for sex don’t care whether the women want to be there or not or the circumstances : background of the woman. They mentally disassociate from the reality of what they’re doing.

I find it really hard to believe that even when you were alone in a room with men who felt ok about paying for sex, four times a day for years, you never once came across a violent or difficult customer.

I did not say I have never had a difficult customer. I have in the past ended bookings early. Some people are just dickheads and are difficult customers, some men push boundaries, some just give a bad vibe and make me uncomfortable.

Being okay with paying for sex does not always make a mans attitude to women bad or make it more likely he will assault them, and that is the problem with lumping all types of sex work, or all clients, in as one. The type of man who seeks out a vulnerable prostitute (eg street worker) on the other hand I would say is much more likely to abuse power. As an independent worker I do not tend to encounter these men.

I can honestly say I have never, ever been attacked at work though.

I have never been a prostitute and I've been raped twice

That is absolutely horrific and I am genuinely very sorry to hear it.

For you to be alone with so many men and never once have a bad experience must be some sort of astronomical statistical anomaly.

Again, whilst I said I had never been attacked or assaulted, I did not say I had never had a difficult customer. In my experience, however, the majority of men are not violent.

Hi another question do you have a count of clients or it's not important?
How long it's the longest without sex?
Thank you.

@Pa1oma you are exhausting some people were curious about the life of the OP and you made it into something completely different.
I just wish you left it alone. For me it was Q&A only.

@Pa1oma to be honest I doubt the majority of punters care if the woman is trafficked as long as she's good at pretending to like it.

I don't disagree it's not a good choice of way to earn money but where do we draw the line. Can work? Erotic massage? Sex lines? Plus there's the issue of telling a woman what she can and can't do with her body.

I think it not being illegal but purchasing being illegal is the right call.

Cam that was supposed to be.

Colbu, I apologise if you just wanted a list of flippant questions, but this subject is very emotive and triggering for many people. I include myself in that because for some reason I feel very depressed and angered today as a result of this thread.

@Pa1oma I wanted to learn to explore a world close to most people from the perspective of the OP.
There were 2-3 contributors to this and they sounded interesting, intelligent and in control. They never sounded like victims.
I am so amazed at their generosity. I know they are aspects of sex work that are repugnant and unacceptable but not from these ladies.
Complete eye opener and I for one I just wanted to know what experiences they had.
Understand this at least for me wasn't the forum to talk to this ladies about the criminal underworld or immoral activity they were not part of that. They were independent contractor in charge of the business that happens to sell sex.

I agree that you have totally derailed the thread, @Pa1oma You've made the same point over and over again for quite some time now. Your position on the matter is quite clear by now.

If you have something to ask, ask away. It’s an open forum.

@Pa1oma I'm sorry about your bad experiences. I've been assaulted a number of times luckily (or unluckily I guess) I wasn't victim to violence or a stranger, but I know how depressing self entitled, controlling and manipulative men can be.

But I know my ex would've behaved just as appealingly if the sex industry was not around. I do really respect that it's not easy to watch someone openly allow themselves open to abuse when you (or many others) were not given the choice.

But again just remember as long as we have communication open with our sons, daughters, younger siblings and members of family and show them (not just say) although a man or woman may sell their body, show off their body and flirt it is completely up to them when and if they do something.

Of course there will be men who don't listen and just view women as objects. But trust me having many men as friends and being victim to a feed not too pleasant behaviour, a significant minority are this way anyway normally due to family influence and friendship group.

All we can do is arm our young with the knowledge and how to respect one another. I also think self defence should be an essential tool for young woman. It's a shame but it is how it is.

I hope you're not scared off @Opheliah would love to know your answers to my questions.

So many questions for you, OP! All I know about prostitution is from watching Secrecy Diary of a Call Girl!

What type of men typically used your services? Old, fat and ugly? Young, rich and attractive?

How did you protect youself from STI's?

What was your first job like? I imagine very nerve-wracking, how did you prepare?

Massive respect to you for starting the thread. Really interesting read.

Thankyou NotAnother. I can’t believe I’m admitting this and will NC after this, but my childhood abuser was a “nice”, “well-dressed”, “family man” to all intents and purposes who, it later emerged, had a whole history of using prostitutes and abusing two other children. He got away with it because in those days nobody made a fuss. I’m in therapy now about this, aged 40, having never discussed it for 25 years.

So I guess it’s distressing to hear from women who service these men out of choice because to me at least, it’s like saying their behaviour is actually normal and ok?

I do definitely admit I’ve over-reacted on here today and I apologise for that.

What I'm curious about @yetanotherprossie is how, given that so many women are assaulted by men in day to day life, how you avoided being assaulted when you were alone with so many men whose aim was to get the sex they wanted from you. I'm also curious how you, as a lone woman, managed to get rid of difficult men when so many women don't manage that and end up being assaulted/raped?

I also find it really odd that you say that men who pay for sex aren't more likely to assault women. Men in general assault women in huge numbers - 85,000+ rapes occur in the UK every year. Service workers get huge amounts of disrespect and violence - even nurses and doctors suffer assaults on a regular basis. The idea that men working with isolated and often marginalised women aren't more likely to hurt them in some way, when the whole premise of the interaction is for the man to pay to use the woman's body is, frankly, nonsense.

@Pa1oma Don't be sorry it's an emotive subject and due to your abusers profile, quite understandable.

I'm glad you are receiving therapy and I do hope the bastard is behind bars.

I'm not a prostitute myself obviously but I expect it's very likely nowadays if a prostitute knew or suspected her client was abusing children (or anyone for that matter) she would not go anywhere near him again.

If I ever were a prostitute and expected abuse of any kind id try my best to find out who he was and report him.

As someone who has been taken advantage of numerous times I refuse to be subdued and unsexual. I make it my mission to be liberal and sensual (with partner, but also with my views in general) because this makes me all the more determined some asshole who decided women are weaker will not tell me if I Social deserve it.

Like I said on lap dancing thread it's about a good man showing a not so nice man he is not impressed. If a best friend admits he cheated on his wife or saw a prostitute the male friend shins him and is unimpressed. The good members to be trying harder.

I hope life is a lot more stable for you now. Sorry for detail OP.

@Spaghettijumper I imagine Street prostitutes do recurve a lot of attacks but expect higher end escorts don't.
Trigger Warning
But rape in general is about control. It's not the sex as such it's the control of another person and leaving them unable to escape, resist or bargain. This is usually directed at a certain person (ex girlfriend or crush, for example) or they get turned down by a girl they like so take out their frustrations on another girl. When a working girl is saying yes I'll do x that's not going to be what the average rapist wants because he's neither invested in her nor has he just been spurned (because it's often prearranged). Of course there are some premeditating rapists who specifically want to target someone vulnerable or 'asking for it' and yes these types would be a prostitutes greatest danger. Although only the most intelligent and manipulative ones could hide their contempt from the off.

I know that question wasn't time but thought I'd say in case OPs been scared away.

@Yetanotherprossie

Did you offer a specific type of service? I'm just curious based on some of the stuff you've said it seems like maybe you catered for a particular type of customer or did some sort of niche or fetish.

How common are regulars (percent wise)?
I'd say 50/50 regulars to newbies. In a flat or sauna/massage parlour you get mostly familiar faces coming through the door but they don't always pick you they pick around but then they'll pick you again another time so in a way they're regular clients to all of us. There are a few that call ahead to make sure you are on so they definitely go with you. In escorting agencies the majority call up and just ask for their "type" eg "I want a blonde" or "I want an Eastern European" so you end up with familiar clients because they like your type. A few specifically say "I want Ophelia" and book ahead, but mostly they call up on demand there and then so it depends who is on shift. I think independent escorts have different experiences. When i did parties they are all regular because it's a bit more niche.

Did many ask for you to act like their girlfriend? "The full girlfriend experience" is a widely expected requirement of the job! But funnily enough the full girlfriend experience specifically involves completely pandering to their every sexual need. You can't ask them to do the washing up like a real girlfriend can. It'd be great if OK I'm your girlfriend, can you give me an hour long massage and some wine, then I'll go home and send you a text about how nice that was? I did actually go on dinner/theatre dates a few times and that was mostly a bit awkward.

Ever get a weird request like pretend to be a Lizard or talk with a Jamaican accent?
Nothing that off the wall. There was a guy who always put little white socks on my feet before DTD, and another one who always everytime went shopping for underwear to give me, like from Primark (not luxury lingerie) and I would wear it he'd say keep it, I ended up with a big collection of primark undies that didn't fit because he never got my size right. Lots of little oddities like that. Cock ring people...

Oh! I got asked by a client to take another man's filled condom out of the bin so that he could drink the sperm. That was weird.

NotanotherNoughtiesTune I'm not scared off I've been a bit busy thanks for your questions,
I'm going to get back to this it's a bit late.

notanotherprozzie thanks so much for your great replies I will look in more depth tomorrow. We would have some great chats over coffee!
and Pa1oma I understand you are coming from a place of raw emotion and I am very sorry if this thread triggering for you I don't want to upset people. ..

Just wanted to update any other former WGs feel free to input!

Longtime MNer here, namechanged for thread obvs, and exWG.

Never experienced violence or abuse from a client. Have been sexually assaulted by a randomer on the street as a 'normal woman' once, but other than that no abusive childhood or anything. No drugs. Chose to go into escorting for the money. Most clients middle aged family men with older children. They spoke about their wives, usually fondly but expressed sadness at lack of sex. Some had ill wives who werent physically or mentally capable - some of those men just wanted chat and female company. Most men were perfectly OK, pleasant and clean, perhaps not 'my type' but not offensive. The sex was benign, i never dealt with anything remotely kinky, just basic shags really! I met men in hotels, told my partner at the time where i was and he often acted as driver/security (no he was not a pimp he was lovely man and never took a penny from me). I also vetted them via the website i used to advertise - it had a review system for both WGs and punters and i didnt see anyone without known history.

I wasnt forced into anything and enjoyed the work (and the money!) tbh. Never orgasmed tho.

@Opheliah

What are parties?

Hi @Opheliah thanks for starting this post. I have a question that I'm trying to word tactfully but I apologise in advance if it comes across as offensive.

You and the other ex WGs on this post come across as very articulate, able to write well and very able to hold your own in this debate. So if I had to guess I'd say you had access to a good education ie were encouraged to stay in school possibly had further/higher education? In general I'd say this is the type of person MN attracts (articulate & educated) due to the nature of many threads which turn into debates.

You've all also (I think) mentioned having close family.

I know when ex-prostitutes post on here they're often criticised for pushing the 'happy hooker' trope. Do you think that maybe that is just because MN will attract that type of person. Ie someone who had to drop out of school much younger, who has no family support or not as able to advocate for themselves is maybe more likely to end up as a street walker (as opposed to being a high class WG) and will therefore have a much more dangerous/miserable time than you did for significantly less money?

Like I say, I really hope I haven't worded this offensively. I was just musing that MN has a reputation for being a bit more 'high brow' than say baby centre or netmums so maybe the type of ex-WG the site would attract is self-selecting.