ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

The OP of that thread denied there was ever any touching at all but I know from talking to the WGs who also danced that this is not the case

Undoubtedly if you already do whatever else as part of your repertoire why make the distinction between lap-dancing club and anywhere else to do it; makes sense to me. They'd have been kicked out of where I worked though; I was told off for "leaning" too much on a customer once, but tbf I'd been dancing all night in my heels and my quads were killing from all the hovering over someone's thighs! I have fond memories to be honest, but I know it's not like that for everyone.

What is the biggest, and smallest dick you have had?

I was told off for "leaning" too much on a customer once
I guess some places are stricter than others!

There was definitely a local (ish) lapdancing place where touching and "extras" in a private room were on offer but I think these would have been populated by mostly prostitutes or unsuspecting lapdancers.

What is the biggest, and smallest dick you have had?
The biggest was literally like 2 redbull cans placed on top of each other. Smallest like a little finger. You can refuse a dick for being too big. The Thai girls often do. They have to pick someone else.

Prostitution isn't called the oldest profession for nothing. It's just not realistic to expect it to go poof!

Female sexuality though needs to be less shame filled. I'm married but I I wasn't if I wanted to have sex with a different man every night so what? It doesn't say anything about me except I like sex.

Liking sex wouldn't make me a slut, bitch etc.

But honestly the most slut shaming comes from other women and men adopt this outlook to please the women around them. Most my friends are male and I can tell you one went to a strip club and whenhis wife found out he was saying they were this/that but after he told me that it sounds better if he slags them off, they were actually really nice ladies.

Women do it because they fear 'their' man being stolen when in fact we own nobody. If he wants to go off with someone else he's not worth it. I know that's very simplistic and of course it hurts but it doesn't make the fact not true.

We often forget as intelligent as humans are, we are still mammals - so sex, aggression, hoarding, jealousy etc are just innate. Of course we have to keep it in check and take responsibility for the consequences but we still are animals.

I've had many bad experiences with males and I've lived a fairly sheltered life. But it's not prostitution, porn or anything like that's fault its the fact he chooses to view women in that way. If he wanted to be respectful he would, it's not an unimaginable thing.

Also quite controversially sex is not emotional to me at all. I'm beginning to think something is wrong with me then because I've always either found it meh or had a great physical sensation but no emotional rush, calm or love at all.

Sorry this was long

How common are regulars (percent wise)?

Did many ask for you to act like their girlfriend?

Ever get a weird request like pretend to be a Lizard or talk with a Jamaican accent?

I once worked in a clinic that supplied working girls with condoms, health checks, support and methadone. Because the vast majority of the girls who came in were on drugs and were working the streets to support the habit.

These girls weren't earning anything like the people above and certainly weren't doing it because they wanted to. Only one girl was working from a flat and was clean. All the rest were in a very difficult place and were on street corners earning £20 odd a time.

The saddest thing was a girl who was pregnant. I was pregnant when I was working there and she came to talk to me. She told me that she had already had three children taken into care but planned on breastfeeding the newest one in an effort to try and keep it with her. She was still working, still taking drugs and I just felt heartsick for her, the baby, the whole desperately sad situation they were all in.

They had a book in the clinic. It was used to log incidents that the girls had experienced, make notes of car registration numbers and had descriptions of men to avoid and sometimes drawings of them. It was difficult reading. These women were very vulnerable already and yet they were robbed, raped, beaten, held at knifepoint all for the sake of £20 for the next fix.

I don't think prostitution should be lumped into a 'one size fits all' category. While the women who work from flats or parlours may have some form of safety and earn decent money, the other end of the situation is that women are out on the streets in all weathers, at risk and not doing it out of desire to earn decent money but because they need drugs, their boyfriends have pimped them out or they have been thrown out of the family home at 16 and have no other options.

You can’t possibly be comparing checking a couple checking into a hotel to providing the sex?

The point I was trying to make (clearly inadequately) was that men are responsible for their own actions. Nobody else is responsible if they choose to be unfaithful to their partner. Suggesting anything else is not only insulting to women, but infantilising towards men.

Are men's penises very different? Is there an average? Does ethnicity makes a difference?
Are there some tiny or very fat?
Thank you. I'm just curious

But I find the defence of your customers from two WGs now, men that used your bodies, a bit odd.

It's not odd. Prostitutes who entered the industry willingly and who have worked in it for some time will inevitably have a different attitude towards it than you do, and probably a more open minded view towards sex in general. I do not have the view that men have 'used' my body. If there was a wider understanding of prostitution as it actually is, rather than the stereotypes and myths that exist, it would be much more widely accepted.

Men are responsible for their actions - absolutely! That is exactly my point.

Unless they are being coerced, women are equally responsible for their actions. That is also the point.

The ex-prostitutes on here claim they freely chose to go into that work and seem to want to enlighten people as to the reality of it for them. That is fair enough, in one sense.

Can they not see though, that they are simply trying to promote the more “acceptable face” of an industry which, in reality, destroys millions of lives worldwide - young girls as well as women. The posters on here are at the more manageable end of this industry, but, as Ophelia says, it’s complicated and very nuanced and really it’s a sliding scale.

I don’t think prostitution will go away no, I’m not that naive. But please don’t try and justify and normalise it. Take responsibility for the reality of what you choose to do - the normalisation if women as commodities, the de-humanising of sex, the inherent misogyny you facilitate - because these things DO affect other women and such justifications ARE an insult and very triggering to women who have less choices than you and whose lives have been ruined by the practises you seem to need to get people to understand.

That is why I think this thread is a bit disingenuous, but I understand it’s an open forum.

Women do it because they fear 'their' man being stolen when in fact we own nobody.

I totally disagree with this. Yes, some women are jealous but a LOT of us have problems with the sex industry because of the harm it does to women, like the PP mentioned about incest and rape porn. If I said a woman was awful for doing that job it’s not because I’m jealous. I would say the man is awful too of course and your friend sounds revolting.

For the record, I find pornography more harmful than the kind of, presumably, high class sex work some of the wg’s on here do. There is a real woman who is saying what is and isn’t acceptable to her rather than some recorded image watched in private giving men all the wrong ideas about what is ok.

At the same time, while I’m glad the experience has been ok for some women, I think making out like most women have a choice and (as per the awful comment earlier on) get attacked because they make themselves vulnerable, is misleading and dangerous.

This: While the women who work from flats or parlours may have some form of safety and earn decent money, the other end of the situation is that women are out on the streets in all weathers, at risk and not doing it out of desire to earn decent money but because they need drugs, their boyfriends have pimped them out or they have been thrown out of the family home at 16 and have no other options.

Men shouldn’t think this kind of prostitution is ok because some women are so loud about how much they love doing it and find it so wonderful and rewarding.

Exactly Iwas - that is the danger.

Try excusing explaining the morality and benefits of prostitution to a 14 year old who has been trafficked across Europe - beaten, raped and life ruined. Because it’s all ultimately part of the same mentality when you strip it all back - women as commodities, women to service “the market” that is men’s sex drive. Some have to be forced into it, some apparently don’t.

Go in the Relationships board now. There’s a thread by a woman who has driven herself crazy trying to prove her husband is seeing a prostitute. After 20 years of marriage, she literally needed to follow him and see it with her own eyes to believe it was true. She has been driven to the edge and now sees the whole basis of her life up to that moment as a lie and utter waste. Her family and children are devastated. Their father is not who they believed him to be. Do you think this woman would give a flying f* about women who have chosen to be prostitutes needing to explain and justify what they do?

Yes that husband may have been having an affair if he wasn’t paying for sex, but that in itself, is not an excuse for prostitution to exist. That argument is just a cop out. A relationship / affair at least takes some energy and effort and above all, the two people in it are engaging on the same terms. That’s not to justify affairs by any means. A cheat is a cheat. But a man who uses prostitutes is a cheat and a vile sleaze to boot because he thinks women’s bodies can be bought - the worst kind of misogynist, in other words. So why make it easy for them and why facilitate that mentality?

@Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sorry when I said about the woman being jealous I meant when using slut shaming terms in general, not related to the sex industry.

So for example if a woman wearing revealing clothing caught their DPs eye, they may call her a derogatory name.

I completely agree that a woman is not going to be singing the praise of anyone who sleeps with their partner and equally respect that being opposed to the industry is perfectly expected.

It's not an easy one by all means. It's the autonomy of being allowed to use your own body how you wish but equally someone should chose not to something with theirs.

My (ex) husband is moving out of our family home today due to his many infidelities with prostitutes. Many of which were while I was pregnant with my children.

I too have spent years driving myself mad, trying to work my mind around his lies etc and it has ripped our family apart.

To be honest though I have not given the prostitutes a seconds thought in all of this. In my eyes the only person to blame here is my ex. He is a very entitled person, and it absolutely disgusts me that he could use another persons body for his own satisfaction...

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through essie, it must be such a terrible shock to find your ex is capable of paying for the use of another human’s bidy. That is the most disgusting thing. Whether you buy a willing woman or a trafficked woman, it’s still utterly vile because it speaks volumes about your mindset. While many (most)? people are susceptible to affairs perhaps, I do think it takes a particular type of mentality to pay for the use of a woman’s body and reconcile themselves to this being in any way ok. I’m so sorry again.

@essieestherson Exactly! When you start blaming women for men's behaviour you're going down a dangerous route.

The one guy I know who has definitely been to a prostitute is an asshole. But I'm not so blinkered as to think that every man who has ever gone to a prostitute is scum of the Earth.

For example I knew a man in College who got shot in the head as he was mistaken for his brother. His brother dealt heavy drugs but my friend dealt cannabis.

Now he grew up in a rough area of London and obviously knew drug dealers and did minor dealing himself but this guy was amazing. One of the nicest men I have ever met. He was respectful to women and got me out of a few jams, was peace orientated but could hold his own, had a great sense of humour and music taste. But when you think of drug dealer you have a preconceived idea of them.

But he was nothing like that at all and from what his friends had said, his brother wasn't either. He realises obviously that drugs ruin lives which is why he doesn't scout out users, they find him. They were already looking, so corruption did not take place.

He knows it was not his fault if Tony smoked a joint or if Mark took his brothers H. Because, we have free will. Free will doesn't always make us right, but it makes us culpable for the things we do.

Likewise with prostitutes. Very few try to 'find' punters. They advertise online and they get contacted. No innocent Ickes man was coerced to put his penis in another women.

Also bare in mind women do find sex easier to get. Because as a general rule, men are up for it. I'm hardly attractive but I doubt I'd struggle to convince a man to sleep with me.

Naturally that does not say that any foul behaviour is acceptable. But it's just another avenue to consider why single men who may be less attractive or socially awkward would do it.
Personally, I can't help judging a married man for cheating, wasting money and potentially inflicting STIs (not all STIs are killed off with a condom especially if touching/oral). I would definitely think he was vile and hateful because he's inflicting it on another.

I'm so sorry to those who have had twatty partners who have done this.

and probably a more open minded view towards sex in general. I do not have the view that men have 'used' my body.

Oh so your just more sexually liberated then me. So would we all become prositutes if we were a bit more open minded and liberated then? Women who don't sell their bodies aren't all pearl clutching prudes.

Notanother - I don’t think I’m blaming women for men’s behaviour at all. But some women enable this behaviour and make it possible and they do so of their own fee will. I think they should accept responsibility for that, rather than trying to justify it and disregarding the impact of their choice of “job”.

Sorry - haven’t read the full thread but what made you decide to jack it in?

@Pa1oma I think many accept that it certainly doesn't help matters but as it suits them they do it.

No I don't think you're blaming women but I think no matter how many women stop and if it's near impossible to get, men will still be horrible to women.

Because it's ingrained in them. Prostitution doesn't challenge it, but it doesn't cause it if that makes sense?

But I think the worst misogynists either don't pay because women are beneath them or pay but ask to do demeaning things and these types are often quite easy to spot due to their hostile attitude.

Otherwise these men are more lazy and self absorbed than particularly vile and hateful. But of course there are some.

It's finding a balance between shaming prostitutes and actively encouraging it. Neither is good or helpful.

"do you have perilously low self esteem?"

The OP doesn't, but it appears that you do RoseWhiteTips considering how you relentless decry so very many other posters on Mumsnet.

Pa1oma, I see what you're saying and I agree with some of what you say but not all. Men could in theory be prostitutes and offer sex to women. It would potentially be the best job ever - get sex and get paid for it! Except there just isn't a market for it. Yes, some women hire men for sex but nowhere near on the same scale as men hire women for sex. The demand just isn't there. Therefore, I think your assertion that willing prostitutes normalise prostitution and contribute to the problem is sort of looking at things the wrong way around. If men didn't get pleasure from paying to have sex with women, it just wouldn't happen. They are the drivers of the market. Taking away the supply (ie prostitutes stopping work) wouldn't change the underlying attitude that allows those men to take pleasure from paid-for sex, that attitude exists regardless and is to do with much more complicated societal issues than prostitution itself.

It's for that reason that I don't agree with your assertion that prostitutes break up families etc. Prostitutes don't create the attitude in a man that a woman can be hired for sex - that attitude exists within him, that is how he views women, regardless of the existence of prostitutes. The behaviour of hiring prostitutes is merely an expression of an existing misogynistic attitude, an attitude that will inevitably affect his family regardless of whether he hires prostitutes or not. Effectively, IMO, to hire prostitutes you have to have a certain level of pre-existing misogyny. Finding out that your husband uses prostitutes isn't the point at which the relationship breaks down, it's just the point at which he can no longer hide his contempt for women from you any more. I think you're better off knowing about it than not, tbh.

That said I am in no way in favour of prostitution. @Yetanotherprossie I find it really hard to believe that even when you were alone in a room with men who felt ok about paying for sex, four times a day for years, you never once came across a violent or difficult customer. I have never been a prostitute and I've been raped twice - that's with very limited opportunity for men to do it. Practically every woman I know (none of them prostitutes) has been sexually assaulted or raped at some point. For you to be alone with so many men and never once have a bad experience must be some sort of astronomical statistical anomaly.

Spaghetti and Notanother. I agree with you both that misogyny is inherent in the male psyche and the existence of porn and prostitution are the manifestations if this. Absolutely. I also agree that if prostitution were abolished tomorrow, that misogynistic psyche would not disappear with it. Please don’t misunderstand me on that! It’s depressing but true.

You could also say that people will always be prone to racism (some more than others obviously). It’s essentially the fear of the “other” and a need to assert power over it, very like misogyny in many respects. However, I doubt anyone would feel comfortable trying to justify a career that panders to a racist mindset?

To me it’s not enough to say “men are what they are” and as women we will always be victims regardless. Those of us who do have the choice not to pander to misogyny should simply not do it. That is a moral choice and the reason why the vast majority of women would never consider prostitution. We are defined by our actions - that is our contribution to the world and change starts with the individual. I’m sorry if this sounds like I’m on a moral rant here, but to me this is just common sense.

Confusssed

😳