ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

“ I never forced a man to come through the door. I do feel quite sorry wives of ppl who use prostitutes though but it's not exactly my fault so I don't feel to blame myself”

Sorry, but this is the kind of mentality I don’t understand. It’s a bit like drug dealers saying, “Well I feel didn’t force anyone to buy from me. Not my fault they’re dead / addicted / family life ruined is it?”

To be honest, it’s not good enough. Again I’m sorry that that will sound rude or judgemental, but I don’t know how else to put it. We all have to take responsibility for the impact of our actions.

Someone said earlier that they “only” had about 4 men a day for a few years. So possibly 1000 a year? Even if only 10% of the wives find out, that’s 100 destroyed marriages a year. 100 families in which children will grow up without the dad at home. What do those mums do who have become single mums as a result? Do they turn to prostitution as well and repeat the cycle?

Again, the reason some men go to prostitutes is simply because they can. It’s too easy. If women stopped willingly providing the “service” then the option would be largely removed. Just like anything else.

Pa1oma I get your point to some degree but at the end of the day it is the husband or partner making those choices to betray their partners, so it is all on them if the shit hits the fan.

It's not for the wg to uphold societal morals, it's a lucrative job but it comes with its own risks to a wg so with some compartmentalising, the mens wives will be far down the list of things to be guilted or thought about.
Somehow I don't think it's comparable to drug dealing as for one it's legal and it doesn't kill people.

If woman stopped willingly being prostitutes then the unwilling business would explode regardless to fill the gap
And men drive that business either side.

I’m not sure Florence tbh. I think the harder you make something to find or do, the less likely people are to do it. I maintain that many men will use prostitutes simply because it’s easy and they can. They justify it in their own minds because it’s “legal” and there’s no emotional connection (so not cheating ). They also justify it in the grounds that the women must be “up for it”, the money’s betted than Tesco, etc - many are even deluded enough to think they give the prostitute a good time. Would those same men who pop into the local brothel or book a woman online at a click, still do it if they had to go to far greater lengths to seek out trafficked women, have contact with the traffickers, go “underground” and so on. Well, some might if they’re desperate or particularly twisted, but many wouldn’t bother. They would just try harder on Tinder instead.

So no, I don’t believe there is a fixed “gap in the market”. If the service shrinks, demand would have to shrink and /or shift into other behaviours. It’s a bit like porn. If it were possible to ban all internet porn tomorrow, the so-called “need” for it would not be fed. People become addicted to porn in the same way they can become addicted to the “need” to use prostitutes - because it’s made easy for them. If there were no online print, people would have to go back to magazines or use their imagination.

Online porn, not print!

a lot have pretty successful careers etc, nice cars (or whatever), interesting lives and don't fall into the category of pathetic loser in general

I'm sorry but a nice car and a good job do not stop you being sad and pathetic.

If you need to pay for sex, that's pretty sad and pathetic in my book. If your prepared to lose your family for sexual gratification, that's pretty sad and pathetic, if you have to pay a woman to pretend she's enjoying it because you don't know how to pleasure a woman, that's sad and pathetic. If your willing to put your dick in a woman that's already been fucked multiple times that day and is taking painkillers due to the excess use of her vagina, that's sad and pathetic. If you can't find willing participants to engage in sex with you, that's sad. If you can't embrace your fetish and join a fetish scene and meet a partner who will engage in it and instead betray your wife, that's sad and pathetic.

Cars and money mean nothing - its our actions that show the world what kind of person we are.

I understand the defence of the industry if you've worked in it and I in no way blame you or judge you for being a prostitute. But I find the defence of your customers from two WGs now, men that used your bodies, a bit odd.

I appreciate where you're coming from Pa1oma and I get it a lot from abolishionist feminist types who say "if there were no prostitutes there'd be no prostitution and everything will be fine" so things like, make it all completely illegal so any act of prostitution means a jail sentence/criminal record are suggested.

I'm a bit more fatalistic and think that women will always be bribed or coerced into sex especially if they are vulnerable and sex is so frequently used as a mechanism of exchange between both men and women for various reasons outside of pleasure... I sort of think prostitution is inevitable. How would you suggest creating a world where it does not exist?

If there were no men willing to purchase sex at all, then I wouldn't have bothered with it.

I suppose, because the establishments were there, advertising for "masseuses" with a big wink, and the services were popular, it all just seems quite normal.
If they were made completely illegal and closed down or just not at all popular I wouldn't have continued with the work.

People become addicted to porn in the same way they can become addicted to the “need” to use prostitutes - because it’s made easy for them
Yes these things are terribly addictive. And agree it is very easy for men to do these things... but many women find it easy to do do the work and do actually benefit from it.

With a nod to Freud...in your opinion, what do men want? And how do you think it affects or bothers them if they aren't achieving exactly that?

This sounds like a question asked from a fairly 'serving' point of view but I don't intend it to be like that at all, I'm interested. Interested in their likely view of themselves.

I don't think prostition should be illegal, if women want to do it then that's their choice. Plus men just go abroad if they can't it here.

It needs alot more control though. It would make sense if only self employed was allowed, or through an agency where the WG has all the choice and control. Street walkers need to be banned. We also need to be more open about it and actually talk to young girls about it and the reality of it. Make sure the women that do choose it are fully aware of what they are getting into. There also needs to be more power to arrest and charge men that abuse the girls.

I’m quite fatalistic too OP and I think you’re right that women will always be potentially bribed /coerced into sex to a greater or lesser degree. But this is all the more reason for individual women to take responsibility. I still think the existence of legal prostitution and women who say they are happy to do the work, blurs the lines between what’s acceptable (in men’s minds) in real life and what’s not. It shapes their concept of women and their dynamic between the sexes. If you can buy sex as a commodity, the reality of that feeds and perpetuates a certain mentality. This is detrimental to all women whether they realise it or not. Surely prostitutes can see this.

An ex-prostitution on here has been honest that she’s increasingly had clients who want anal, hair-pulling, deep throat, face slapping etc. This is a direct result of internet porn. If porn actresses took a stand and refused to “act” in those scenes or to take those jobs, that kind of porn would cease to infiltrate the human psyche and become normalised. This is the point. I have teens and expect there will be pressure on them to let boyfriends “jizz” in their faces etc because this has been normalised in the porn their boyfriends will be watching from a young age. It will no doubt be justified as “at least you can’t get pregnant, it’s safer sex” or some such boll*cks.

If women took a stand and refused to sell sex, it would cease to be normalised in the same way. It’s not enough to just shrug and say, “well it’s mens sex drives, what can you do?” Paedophilia is a certain kind of male sex drive but we can manage to not pander to that as a society (in the main). If some women try to justify prostitution as inevitable and something they enjoy, how are men supposed to tell the difference between these women and the millions that are coerced into it?

I have to say Ophelia I really think a lot of you for the answers you've been giving on this thread. You and the other WG who have responded have really made me think deeply about prostitution, sex work and the women who do these things - including myself as an ex lap-dancer, so thank you all so much for that.

If women took a stand and refused to sell sex, it would cease to be normalised in the same way.

Surely it would just mean that only the very poor and the exploited would sell sex, as those women would be the ones without the luxury of "taking a stand".

I don’t think legal prostitution has any impact whatsoever on reducing women being exploited. If anything, women who provide this work willingly are normalising and putting an acceptable face on an exploitative industry, the reality of which, is utter misery for millions of women who have no choice throughout the world. The sex trade destroys lives. It’s modern day slavery for the majority. Why try and justify it?

If women took a stand and refused to sell sex
If porn actresses took a stand and refused to “act” in those scenes
Yes interesting ideas but very unrealistic. Prostitution should not be normalised, or made out to be an attractive option. It probably is a bit too easy in our society and accepted. Wasn't there a man recently on Twitter who posted "I use prostitutes" and hundreds of fawning people replied saying how brave he was! I mean that sort thing is strange. You're right educating young people about the realities of prostitution and porn would be good. More take of it in general, not just the "scare stories" or the "happy hookers" but all the nuances. I've worked with girls who've been trafficked. It's incredibly varied, their experiences.
Maybe there should be a programme getting former workers to talk in schools!

in your opinion, what do men want?
Do you mean men in general or men who pay for sex? Men who pay for sex want to feel attractive, desired and satisfied, the centre of attention, listened to and agreed with on everything.
Actually I think this is what men in general want too!

RatRolyPoly you're very welcome. Did you do the "lap dancer ama" thread?

I used to work with trafficked girls and I can tell you they would have a hard time accepting some of the arguments on here - that women aren’t really being used, the “poor misunderstood men”, what can you do?” logic. They would find it an insult, to be honest and this kind of thread would be very triggering.

Similarly, as a woman who was abused as a child, incest porn is extremely triggering for me (and I don’t mean the crap such as “I walked in on step-mom in the shower” etc). I wonder how women can act those scenes out, knowing that millions of children around the world are in fact being abused or raped by male relatives every day and have no choice in the matter? How can they do it? Do they just say, “It’s legal” or “the money was good?” How do they justify it in their own minds? Or how can they act out violent rape scenes, knowing that this is a reality for so many women. How do they do it?

I don’t think legal prostitution has any impact whatsoever on reducing women being exploited legal prostitution increases exploitation and lowers the potential earnings for WGs.

I used to work with trafficked girls and I can tell you they would have a hard time accepting some of the arguments on here Where were they from?
The trafficked girls overworked with were mostly pretty hardcore and would use all of the defenses you've described themselves.
I'm not denying there are horror stories. I've been involved in deportation circumstances and I really really worry for those girls.
I'm not making excuses but painting pictures of "poor girls forced to work against their will" against "happy hookers" doesn't help either. There are so many nuances.

I used to work in Child Protection Ophelia. If a 16 year old has got to the point where she’s “hardcore” about her experiences, that’s more disturbing and worrying than if she’s able to express the trauma.

This is a deeply complex and highly emotive subject
in my opinion there are no easy answers, no easy ways to find Ideal Solutions.
We use analogy when constructing our arguments for and against various positions, Analogies are rarely perfect and they are often used disingenuously, there is no good analogy for sex... it is a thing on its own.

And yes, there are so many nuances, you’re right of course. But the overall reality is so desperately grim and ruins so many lives. There really is nothing worse. For this reason alone, I really can’t stomach the arguments for the “acceptable face” of prostitution. It’s too insulting to too many women - either those who have been coerced into it themselves, or whose families / marriages have been ruined by the fact it’s an option.

in my opinion it is much too simplistic to say the demand is the cause of the supply or that supply is the cause of the demand, the two things are inextricably bound together

I posted on it Ophelia (although I was a bit off-colour at the time, so who knows if I made any sense!), but it wasn't my thread.

do you have perilously low self esteem? - what a vicious thing to ask. People are asking genuine curious questions about a topic that is not normally discussed so openly and then you have to pipe up with that. If you don't like this thread, fuck off. (Well done op for answering it so honestly)

Rat I'll have another look at that thread, there are crossovers, many WGs I worked with also did striptease/lap dance stuff. The OP of that thread denied there was ever any touching at all but I know from talking to the WGs who also danced that this is not the case, but I suppose that's because they were already "types" themselves to have physical boundaries eroded rather than the actual nature of Lap dancing itself.

Hope you found doing it alright.

Nesssie thanks I wasn't sure what to make of that comment