ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

I thought WG were statistically more likey to be the victims of physical and sexual assault? Is that more street walkers?

And just to add, OP herself has mentioned the wide range of areas WG’s can work, but I think we should remember a lot of brothels don’t offer any protection to the women at all, so it’s not just street walkers who are so horribly vulnerable. I think a quick read of one of those repugnant review sites is revealing enough about how many women who are off the street don’t want to be doing what they’re doing (and how many men couldn’t care less).

I think alot of them kid themselves that the women do enjoy it - that they are exploiting their nymphomania to make money

I wonder where that idea comes from... (not directed at OP)

what are parties

Usually in a flat.
Rather than 1-on-1 bookings you get all girls and all paying clients in the house at the same time, for a limited time period, (2 hours normally) and it's basically a free for all. So paying client could spend the time with 7 different girls but he will be sharing with other men. I've worked parties where 4 girls are servicing 20 men and ones where 7 girls are servicing 7 men and variations around that.

Have you ever developed feelings for a regular a la Pretty Woman?

I was also going to ask whether you’d had an STI as condoms aren’t 100% and don’t protect from Herpes or warts but you answered that already. Would you have regretted the job more had you contracted HIV?

@Spaghettijumper unfortunately that is indeed how it seems to be. It's a case of being agreeable to prevent violence and it's chilling.

I'm so sorry to hear about your past OP. I hope you're in a much happier place now and they suffer terribly.

@Iwasjustabouttosaythat I agree in relation to sadistic rapists. But most rape is done by someone the person knows.

OutComeTheWolves
I get what you're saying.
The type of happy hooker that comes onto Mumsnet isn't going to be representative of prostitutes as a whole. I'm not claiming to be representative of all prostitutes. I'm also not claiming to be a high class happy hooker or trying to promote it. I disagree with a lot of rhetoric around "choice" and "enjoying the work" that the Belle de Jours come out with because for the most part they have started from a point of privilege.

'Happy hooker' lol.

Yes I am a postgrad. 200/hr just really appealed at a time when i couldnt get a job the normal way no matter how hard i tried, alongside my studies. I dont have that ick factor about allowing ppl i dont fancy to use my body for a short while that others have. The sex i have privately is real sex, wg sex wasnt even sex, just physical motions. Tricky to articulate tbh. I was ready to feel awful about it all, guilt, shame, horror, the first time i did it, but i felt....nothing. just glee when he handed my 200 quid!

Ophelia - our relationship was already on the wane by the time i took up escorting tbh. I had stopped by the time i got into another serious relationship, but i did confess my past to him. He didnt throw me out!

Is it any wonder that punters think hookers enjoy it?

I know you’re just being honest Seed, but “ lol” is the last word that springs to mind reading this thread.

Is it any wonder that punters think hookers enjoy it?

I should imagine it's because a sad hooker whose customers come away in no doubt of how miserable she is wouldn't make an awful lot of money.

A "good" hooker whose customers think she's having the fabulous time they're sure they're showing her will probably see them walk back through the door over and over again.

This is to the OP and other WGs so please can you say if you are/were a WG when you answer it? There are so many posters on here in getting confused!

You obviously don't want to end prostitution. But if you did how would you go about it? Is there anything that could be done to stop it? I've seen disagreement about the Nordic Model so I'm not expecting you all to agree.

Thanks.

Are there a lot of non professional WG around. I ask because I have come across girls who have a certain lifestyle but don’t work. Think exotic locations, designer fashions, expensive hotels. I have heard “yachting” is a thing now. It seems to have moved on now and become acceptable

Rat - I was more thinking along the lines of when WGs or ex- WGs go online with the attitude of, “Ooh let’s have a chat, yeh takes I could tell...”, “one wanted me to bite his penis, lol”, “but they’re all quite nice normal men, really - all types, you know”, “oh I just took paracetamol if I was sore, ha ha, lol”. Is it any wonder punters might be under the delusion that all hookers enjoy their work?

What were the parties like OP? Were they good natured or darker? I think a lot of these things go on in my city and I have always wondered about them. Is is mainly stags?

The idea that men working with isolated and often marginalised women aren't more likely to hurt them in some way, when the whole premise of the interaction is for the man to pay to use the woman's body is, frankly, nonsense.

I am not going to deny that independent sex workers get attacked. It may be much, much less frequent than experienced by street workers but it does happen. This is because a minority of men are criminals, and see prostitutes and lone workers as vulnerable. I have never been attacked, however.

Also, prostitutes are not the only women who work alone in proximity to men. There is some fantastic advice for lone female workers on the Suzy Lamplugh trust website, and also examples of the many jobs that entail this.

Service workers get huge amounts of disrespect and violence - even nurses and doctors suffer assaults on a regular basis.

I used to work in hospitality, and I am more than aware that verbal and physical abuse is an extremely common occurrence. That has not been my experience working as an escort, but perhaps I am thicker skinned than most.

I'm also curious how you, as a lone woman, managed to get rid of difficult men when so many women don't manage that and end up being assaulted/raped?

A difficult customer does not mean he is a rapist or violent. People who want services for free are everywhere. They are arseholes, yes, but it does not they are a violent or rapists.

@Yetanotherprossie

Did you offer a specific type of service? I'm just curious based on some of the stuff you've said it seems like maybe you catered for a particular type of customer or did some sort of niche or fetish.

I'm actually pretty vanilla. I do offer some niche services but that only accounts for about 10%ish of my work. Most of my clients are just looking for a girlfriend experience.

It'd be great if OK I'm your girlfriend, can you give me an hour long massage and some wine, then I'll go home and send you a text about how nice that was?

Haha yes! It's like when a client insists he wants me to enjoy myself and I feel like telling them to make me a cup of tea and rub my feet!

notanotherprozzie thanks so much for your great replies I will look in more depth tomorrow. We would have some great chats over coffee!

Thank you for starting the thread, I'm sure we would

The parties sound like they could be pretty scarey op. And you said you have to do at least two a night?

Would it be a group of friends or like random men or would they organise themselves through a sex club or somthing?

Did any of the WG attend swingers clubs/parties eyes wide shut. I heard they often hire out a few WG because the male to female ratio is always too high.

I ask because I have come across girls who have a certain lifestyle but don’t work
are you talking about some sort of 'sugar daddy/sugar baby' set up?

Do you think that maybe that is just because MN will attract that type of person. Ie someone who had to drop out of school much younger, who has no family support or not as able to advocate for themselves is maybe more likely to end up as a street walker (as opposed to being a high class WG) and will therefore have a much more dangerous/miserable time than you did for significantly less money?

You've just reminded me of the time I saw a mumsnet post tilted 'Whats the difference between mumsnetters and netmums?' or something similar, and someone commented 'Fifteen grand a year'. I disagree with your point in some ways, but it has more to do with your idea of privilege than sex work.

I left school at 16 with 3 Standard Grades (I'm Scottish), left home, and got a job. At 18 (with nothing else to do) I went to college to do highers, and to my surprise, did well. I applied to uni through clearing and got a degree. While I am close to some family members, I would certainly not say I had family support.

I don't mean to bang on about myself here, rather I'm saying that by your idea of privilege (left school early, very poor, no traditional family support), I should be a street worker. It is much more complicated than that though, and I am aware that I am lucky.

I do agree with you that only vulnerable women are street workers, and I absolutely agree when you say indoor, independent workers have a better, and completely different, experience of prostitution. Again, I don't want to bang on because I have made this point again and again on this thread.

Alot of women argued that is the reason all prostitution should be banned because the 'happy hooker' continues to perpetuate that idea.

I've said it before, but if people had a more realistic and accurate view of the sex industry, they would understand that there is a very big difference to consensual prostitution, and criminals exploiting and coercing vulnerable women.

Saying that someone enjoys this job and does it willingly does not take away the suffering from a trafficked or coerced woman. It is the criminal behaviour that needs to be stopped, not the entire industry.

Are there a lot of non professional WG around. I ask because I have come across girls who have a certain lifestyle but don’t work.

Off the top of my head they could have rich parents, or partners, or any number of things. Why do you assume rich women who don't 'work' are prostitutes?

I am not assuming rich women who don’t work are prostitutes.

Are there a lot of non professional WG around. I ask because I have come across girls who have a certain lifestyle but don’t work. Think exotic locations, designer fashions, expensive hotels. I have heard “yachting” is a thing now. It seems to have moved on now and become acceptable

I am not assuming rich women who don’t work are prostitutes.

Forgive me, but you are asking on a thread about prostitution. So if you don't think they are prostitutes, what are you asking?

Yetanother - at the risk of detailing the thread again , how on earth would a man know whether a woman has entered prostitution legally or never been coerced?

Even on this very thread where the OP claims to be more or less a “happy hooker”, she later reveals that she has been seriously sexually abused as a child.

This is utterly heartbreaking to read.

The OP may believe that her life choices are free, but childhood abuse will always manifest itself in some way, I think. Childhood experiences are so deeply internalised that we follow unconscious patterns in later life. Of course it’s not surprising that you would go into prostitution having internalised abuse from an early age. I was a dancer in my teens (ballet) and in retrospect now, I can see the self-loathing and suppressed anxiety I had internalised as a result of sexual abuse manifested as an eating disorder. I became too dangerously underweight to continue. But still the sexual abuse affected my next choice of career because I came to this country to escape the past and became a psych in child protection. The side of prostitution I saw is too distressing to describe on here, but I almost had a breakdown at 28 as a result. I’m lucky now that I’m married to a wonderful man and I gave up work since I had DC. Only now, at 40, am I beginning to talk about the abuse. I used to feel convinced it hadn’t affected me and wonder how that could be. I think a lot of prostitutes might be in a similar state of mind - the trauma is so great that they are essentially too numb to feel the horror.