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I'm a Muslim, ask me anything

336 replies

UnderBlue · 30/06/2018 21:26

So I thought I'd join the bandwagon too! I'm a Muslim, and ask me anything. :)

(Please note: I'm very happy to answer questions about my beliefs and my experiences, but not interested in debating issues or bashing please. Please start your own thread if you want to do that. Thanks)

Also, please bear with me if I take a while to reply. I have pelvic pain today and a trip planned to the beach tomorrow, so apologies in advance if I take a while to reply. I will try my best :)

OP posts:
maras2 · 03/07/2018 14:00

My neighbour of approx. 30 years died this morning.She lived 3 doors down from us.Her husband and daughter, in her 30's are obviously upset and DH has visited to pass on our condolences (I'm housebound at the moment)
Although the family are very observant and go to Mosque twice a day we have always exchanged Christmas cards.They are a very quiet family who keep themselves to themselves.
Friends from Mosque and Imam are comforting husband and daughter now.
I'd like to know if it's appropriate to send a condolence card, obviously religion neutral, just to say that we're thinking of them.
Also are flowers appropriate? and is there anything else we could do?
TIA Maras.

Dumela · 03/07/2018 15:38

Oh of course flowers are appropriate. I assume you are a lady. I would suggest you go to the house and perhaps sit with the ladies and just offer word of comfort.

You are the sort of neighbour I wish to have x

maras2 · 03/07/2018 15:55

Hi dumela
Unfortunately their house is not wheelchair accessible but my husband has been round and my adult daughter will go after work.
Our daughter is the same age as the deceased lady's daughter and have known each other for 30 years plus.
Flowers it is then.Thank you for your help.Flowers

lalascribbles · 03/07/2018 16:57

I thought if this thread today as I had a read over the weekend, I remembered the OP saying to chat to Muslim women.

I'm sat on a very small ward of children having day surgeries. I had smiled at a lady across from us a couple of times, just naturally in a we're all having a crappy day way. Her child went down to surgery after ours and I saw she'd been crying when she came back to wait, as had I when we'd taken our son down. An hour or so later my son was back but her daughter remained in surgery/recovery and she was pacing a little when my husband left the ward to get us coffees, I said it's awful waiting isn't it and she came over and we spoke. I admit when she had been looking at me previously I had smiled but also wondered if its because I'm Indian and my husband is white. As we often we get looks/the odd unpleasantness from Asian women.

I wonder if she only came over when my husband wasn't there deliberately due to feeling uncomfortable around men ( she was with another woman I'm assuming a relative) anyway I'm glad I tried to offer her comfort, I also noticed no one else spoke to her on the ward ( we're all sitting for hours, you notice everything!) we're all in the exact same situation and I imagine experiencing the same feelings.

MarklahMarklah · 03/07/2018 17:52

Thanks for answering my musings @Underblue, much appreciated.

AuntieWIgWam · 03/07/2018 17:59

you are so eloquent, intelligent, well informed, well mannered, patient respectful and brave OP. absolute hats off to you for managing 13 pages of this. people who are taking your EXAMPLE of SOME Pakistanis, emphasis being on some not all are ridiculous. the same about the homosexuality. i also suspect the accounts that agree with existing comments are by the same people as i refuse to believe there are that many like minded stupid people who love to take things out of context and be offended at nothing. i’m a bisexual who lives opposite a mosque, lives in a flat block that is 80% muslim and am constantly surrounded by them. nothing but lovely people. i am also a fashion student who leaves my flat in all sorts of ridiculous revealing clothing (life is a game of dress up to me), often to go to the very near by gay clubs and have never felt un easy or ever had any comments made to me for those who insist islam is inherently homophobic. you are not homophobic when you treat homosexuals as your equals and regard them the same. you have simply spoke about how YOU would act if you were in a situation, an entirely theoretical situation that will never come to light. you have never enacted any injustice towards any homosexuals.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 03/07/2018 18:14

Great thread OP. Reading with interest. I worked at a largely Muslim school (students and teachers) for nearly seven years (I’m in London and moved to a school further in in the east, whereas I live and had previously worked on the fringe of London and Essex which was much more white working class, as am I!) and it was an education. I always say it would do your average white racist on the street good to work and make friends with Muslims for a while and see what their way of life is like because it opened my eyes and made me realise that so much of the racist bullshit doing the rounds is pure properganda.

EllaEllaE · 03/07/2018 18:23

This thread has been so informative and interesting. Thank you OP!

hmmwhatatodo · 03/07/2018 19:46

WhatdidISay.... if you don’t have any Muslim friends and live in an area where there are no/few Muslims then how did you come to the conclusion that Muslims spend far too much time in worship and thinking about their religion to the point that you see it as self-indulgent? Perhaps you would have a totally different view if you actually had real life experience?

hmmwhatatodo · 03/07/2018 19:51

Saucepotty your question about colours has already been answered after you asked it the last time.

Rory786 · 03/07/2018 19:54

OP come back!

Dumela · 03/07/2018 20:15


Mashallah Smile

saucepotty · 03/07/2018 21:25

I read the whole thread and didn't see it!Blush

Wheretheresawill1 · 03/07/2018 21:25

Thanks for replying to my comment about the relationship I had with a Muslim Dr

saucepotty · 03/07/2018 21:31

Just found your reply! Thank you hmwhatatodo. I have always wondered, but I live in a mainly white/Christian town, and don't know anyone who is Muslim. That's why this thread is so good. I don't really feel I can ask a stranger in real life.

chickedychicked · 03/07/2018 21:51

Thanks for your reply.
But what about the fact that the quran states no other books should be followed?
Also there are some contradictions in certain hadeeths (unfortunetly I don't know which anymore) but my ex is very educated in the Quran and hadeeths and he did show me some contradictions.
ExDH looks at hadeeths as good advice in the most part but only does things if it states them in the quran. I.e, the quran mentions halal and haram foods and fasting etc so he sticks to that but not things like circumsicion or hijab (for women) as he states if it was important would God have left it out of the Quran?
Anyway I guess this could turn into a debate about hadeeths which is not what this thread is about. Feel free to ignore me I do tend to go on Grin

I knew we'd get some horrible posters on this thread trying to derail what it's about, I'm glad you're staying patient and keep answering, you're doing a great job.

UnderBlue · 04/07/2018 07:08

Just popping in to say, if you have a question please do PM me the question and it will be my pleasure to reply to it here or via PM, depending on your preference (please let me know in your message which you prefer).

Also thank you to everyone who has thanked me or messaged me to thank me - you are all very kind! I have truly really enjoyed answering these questions, and it has been a good learning curve for me too Smile.

Hope you all have a fantastic day!

OP posts:
WhatDidItSay · 04/07/2018 09:22


I mentioned that I lived in an area with few Muslims and that I don't have any Muslim friends because I said in my post that I had discussed this thread with my friends and thought it relevant that I had only chatted about it with people who weren't Muslims.

It's not unreasonable to have opinions about different religions without knowing people from that faith. There are a million other ways to gain information , this thread being one of them.

hmmwhatatodo · 04/07/2018 12:44

Yes but I’m asking how you came to this conclusion. Muslims are just like anyone else going about their business, lots of them also happen to take their religion into consideration too. Btw, doing acts of kindness is also something important to Muslims, it’s not all just about praying 5 times a day (which doesn’t have to take a long time).

Babyroobs · 04/07/2018 12:56

My muslim work collegue was telling me that it is against his religion to have a mortgage as he is not allowed to pay any interest? So how do muslims cope with this - do they all rent or is there a special muslim bank that lends to them without charging interest ( he hinted that this was the case !! ). If so surely that is discrimination and against the law?

FluctuatNecMergitur · 04/07/2018 12:58

That's answered upthread Babyroobs.

racingsnail1 · 04/07/2018 13:20

I understand the "allah hu akbar" phrase is an important part of Islam and part of the prayer.

How do you feel in recent years many people have made the association between this phrase and acts of terrorism?

csa26 · 04/07/2018 19:14

Ooh OP glad you came back! Thanks so much for your answer, I’ve been very conflicted about the fact that showing consideration for muslins in this way requires me to be a bit racist Confused. By the way my closest muslim acquaintance is a Pakistani guy who rented a room in my parents’ house a few years ago; he is a very kind, gentle person who although he couldn’t touch my dog, would spend ages throwing his ball for him in the garden (the ball would have been covered in the dog’s saliva but that didn’t seem to pose a problem for him). I’d had this dog since I was a teenager and inevitably the day came when he breathed his last... My parents were away when it happened and I was pretty devastated Sad My muslim friend insisted on digging my dog’s grave, in summer during Ramadan - I didn’t know at the time that he couldn’t even have a drink of water, nevertheless I did try to dissuade him. The dog weighed over 10 stone, it was not a small hole! Still makes me quite emotional thinking about it.

Anyway I do have another question: this same friend mentioned once (definitely not in a disapproving sort of way) that if he became a Christian, his father and brothers would beat him Sad Is this purely a cultural thing, or are people who convert away from Islam supposed to be punished or ostracised in some way? (I’m assuming from the rest of your comments that you yourself probably wouldn’t condone violence against them!)

Dumela · 05/07/2018 00:36


To answer your question because it is quite a complex question and (scholars have different views although murder is not among them) please read Wikipedia under ''Apostasy in Islam''

May I also add that nobody can force anyone to convert to Islam, (it is forbidden)
At the same time In Islam, it is haram (forbidden) to force your child to marry whom you want
So I think some acts are done according to culture NOT the religion.

babba2014 · 09/07/2018 00:26

I'll jump in seeing there are some unanswered questions. I found the ask me anything - Jewish version interesting so thought I'd chime in here.

@whoopsiedaisies We are required to observe 5 daily prayers. I guess it keeps our connection with God but the main reason is because it is a requirement in our religion. It is one of the 5 pillars of Islam and in fact the second pillar.
The first is declaration of faith (there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His messenger)
The second is five daily prayers
The third is Zakah (giving to charity). We are encouraged to give in charity generally but once a year we round up all our money and if we meet the minimum amount (which is called Nisab) then we donate 2.5% of our wealth. Muslims do not see it as wealth diminishing but we are told by God in the Qur'an that it in fact increases our wealth whereas gambling diminishes wealth. If we have poor family members who meet the requirement then we can give our Zakah to them too.
The next two pillars of Islam are Siyam (fasting in the month of Ramadhan) and Hajj (pilgrimage to Makkah and other places around it).

There is a story about how the 5 prayers were established. It was meant to be 50, but Prophet Abraham (Ibrahim in Arabic) encouraged Prophet Muhammad to ask God to lower it as he knew man can not keep up. Thus it went from about 50 to 5. I can share a link to this if you wish.

Nail varnish - before we pray our five daily prayers, we must do wudhu (ablution). If you do it once it should suffice for the whole day unless you need to go to the loo or you bleed a lot etc then you just do it again. So the four main things are washing the face, arms, head and feet. Certain things won't allow water to reach the skin/base such as nail varnish so people avoid it. However during our monthly period, we don't need to pray these five prayers at all so some may choose to wear it then. On the other hand mehndi doesn't block water so you can wear that at any time, plus I guess it's made of natural stuff!

As an adult, I now see more wisdom behind certain acts and not just the ruling to do it. There have been some observations made such as the actions in Salah being good for bringing peace to the body, stability, balance etc. We don't do rushed movements. Nowadays yoga etc is a huge trend and Salah to me is a very relaxed version of exercise, more on the meditation side. We know th we things have benefits on the body, the mind and the soul. To me these rulings aren't about do this and do that but God always knew how hectic life can be etc and there are certain things we do that when we stop and think about it, are of benefit to the body.

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