Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

No I absolutely do see the inequalities between men and women I object to you saying I’m ignorant to that.

Ok, but that was in response to you saying you couldn’t see the difference between burlesque dancing to a large audience and stripping to a small group of men - is that really true?

I do understand that you used the industry to your advantage - and that worked out well for you and I’m glad. But surely that’s not the case for the majority of women, otherwise why don’t we suggest stripping to our daughters, or have it as a genuine option at career day? If it’s such an easy, safe, risk-free way to make money then why don’t more people give it a go?

You also say though that you’re ‘for women not against them’ in your post to Guest - do you think I’m for women or against them?

And last question: what’s the worst thing you personally saw or heard about when you were a dancer?

Olga

So accusing me and other dancers of being responsible for rape is ok?

And name calling saying that I am thick is ok behaviour because I identified myself and welcomed questions?

Pumper. It’s hard to say because you come across absolutely as being for women as a collective, however seem very against individual women being able to make their own choices, so if honest with you I see some contradictions.

Olga if I answer honestly and tell you if don’t really have any horror stories for you I’ll probably get accused of lying.

In my own individual, personal to me, experience I didn’t see or hear any horrors.

The worst thing I saw was a girl who took mdma and needed an ambulance but that wasn’t the norm.

I honestly don’t have any thing more for you than that. Although if the other girls on the thread have any bad experiences by all means they can share those. I am only answering about my own.

Pumper. It’s hard to say because you come across absolutely as being for women as a collective, however seem very against individual women being able to make their own choices, so if honest with you I see some contradictions.

Well, I’m sorry about that because that’s not how I feel. I’m not against women making their own choices, of course - as I said, I’m glad your choice worked well for you. My problem with stripping as a ‘choice’ is that it comes with inherent risks, treats women as a commodity and is controlled by men - I don’t blame the individual women for that choice but I absolutely wish it wasn’t a choice that was available. In the same way it’s not available for men (aside from Chippendale/mad mike type thing, which I’m sure we can all agree is not the same thing).

Interesting thread.

I've always wanted to ask a dancer about hair removal. (Sorry, but I really have.) Even with waxing, there are always some hairs which appear between waxes. Also, the hairs have to be long to be waxed, which suggests there must be times when you have to grow it out in order to wax it. So, how do dancers manage to look hair free all the time?

Olga - yes, those dancers are so, so highly trained. But I guess for me its the difference between the standards expected at the MR/Lido and a club is the difference between the standards expected in the West End as opposed to a lower budget production.

On the other hand I am opposed to expolitation in the performing industry and low pay/use of non trained artists so is it the same principal?

I was friends with a lap dancer when I was at university.

She was actually part of a breakdancing crew and they'd compete at international competitions. But there was no money in it, so to subsidise her breakdancing, she used to dance in the local strip clubs (I went to uni in London).

She did very well out of it and managed to buy her first flat just as I was graduating with £30k of debt. For her, lapdancing was just another way of performing and making money. She didn't really conflate it with anything sexual at all.

But, I am very aware that this is not the story for many other lap dancers. And I don't think it's accurate or fair to compare it to other industries or jobs where people may or may not be happy working in them.

Stripping/dancing is unique in that it's trading on women's sexuality - it necessarily objectifies them and reduces them to their attractiveness to men. And it's unique from male stripping because there is such a massive disparity in the size and value of the market. I've been around the block a few times but I have never met a woman who goes to a male strip club to spend half her weekly wages every Friday after work, for example.

And let's not be cute about it, there is a massive difference in the power dynamic between female audience and make stripper, vs male audience and female stripper. It really shouldn't even need explaining.

So, while this has been a very interesting thread, and my personal experience of knowing a lap dancer does comport with the OP's version; given the unique nature of the industry, I don't think you can or should have a conversation like this without looking at the whole picture. Because it's too important not to.

For me, it's like if it was 70 years ago and people were saying there's nothing wrong with black and white minstrel shows because everyone they know who's been in one or seen one thinks they're harmless and hilarious.

OP your post at 08.27am where you explain the benefits and satisfaction of dancing is very interesting.

I suspect the naysayers on here have never earned what you did, never had any similar job satisfaction, never experienced feeling so good about themselves physically, or had the independence/flexibility to earn more if needed. Secretly it probably really pisses them off so in order to feel better about themselves they need to believe you were some sort of desperate, deluded victim with dubious morals. Which you are very clearly not.

Thank you confussed

Olga

So accusing me and other dancers of being responsible for rape is ok?

And name calling saying that I am thick is ok behaviour because I identified myself and welcomed questions?

Are you confusing me with another poster, OP? I've only posted once on this thread, I have never suggested you are 'responsible for rape' your encounter with the man who threatened to rape you was horrifying, if not unusual, which is in itself an awful thought and nowhere have called you names or said you were 'thick'. I certainly don't think you are lying about your own experience of lapdancing being largely positive, and I don't know where you are getting all these things from, because I didn't say any of them.

I am saying that you were part of an industry which, regardless of your personal positive experience of it, is socially hugely damaging for women. I'm glad it wasn't a miserable or dangerous experience for you why would any woman be happy another woman was coerced or drug-addicted? but, whether individual workers are happy and well-paid or not, the industry contributes to an ongoing culture of the objectification of women and a sense that it's normal for women's bodies to be available to men at a price.

Sand and sea

You’re right it’s problematic! We used the same methods anyone else does. I tried waxing but as you said it then grows back which for me wasn’t a good option because I was working almost every night. I tended to use hair removal cream and shaving but a lot of the other girls paid for laser hair removal.

Sorry olga no I wasn’t implying you had said those things but up thread (not sure how much you have read as I know it’s quite long now) there are some disgusting comments such as the ones I outlined. The reason I posed the questions to you was based on your comment about me not being vilified. I feel that the posters that have accused me of being responsible for rape, trafficking and calling me names are vilifying me.

As I hope you can see I am more than happy to respond to polite questions and partake in a civil, balanced discussion and I do respect all viewpoints. But I draw the line at the abuse I’ve received from some posters. Again I’m not saying that’s you. But you said I wasn’t being vilified which I disagree with.

Hope that clears it up? Sorry for the confusion.

Thanks for sharing OP. It's very interesting

Thank you prosecco

Hello.

Your experiences are very similar to mine. I am not retired yet but I will do soon.

I don't have any questions but, as many people seem to be inferring that your experience is an unusual one, or because you retired some time ago it isn't typical, I may begin a thread at some point although definitely not while yours is still running.

I laughed when I saw your thread because in the light of all these 'ask me anything' threads I was considering doing one myself.

I have worked in some of the same places as you too. :)

Hi green day, of course I’m more than happy for you start a thread, I’m sure given that your experience is more current you will be able to provide even more insight, although feel free to answer some of the questions people have asked on my thread too.

I’ll look out for your thread and be sure to pop along to support

You're welcome OP. You sound self assured, outgoing, measured, intelligent and, well, nice. Having these traits + being physically very attractive (which I'm assuming you will be) is like a red rag to a bull to some women because they think it's so damn unfair. So they will do their best to pick fault and try and drag you down.

Hi OP, thank you, I won't do it while this one's running as that would be rude and also perhaps seen as a 'TAAT'.

I will answe the body hair one.

Hair removal 'Magic Hair Removal' (a cream or powder originally intended for use on black men's facial hair). Miracle worker for me, no more ingrowns/rashes/irritations. Inexpensive too. I have used this for years now, only downside is it takes a different length of time as said on the tin or tube, so takes a bit of practice to work out how long it will take to work for the individual. and it smells like a gent's toilet . Other than that, solved all my hair removal issues.

:)

What I’m saying is, I can’t justify the whole industry. It exists and I have used it to my advantage in the past, in a way which I personally found positive

I can second this. I find it trickier now I'm retired and have done a bit of reading around the subjec, but whilst I was dancing, I didn't feel the negativity. There were bad nights when there were lots of rude customers, no money to be made and I'd go home with my McDonald's, sit on the couch and take my make up of thinking "balls to this" but then the next shift would have a fantastic night, make loads and have fun. I personally never had awful experiences in the club. I've seen girls drink to excess, drug use (but it's not common, or publicised, you'd lose your job for taking coke on shift etc) and customers occasionally get angry with bouncers or each other, but rarely the dancers.

I was a ballet dancer, learned on the job but did actually go to a couple of pole fitness classes when they got popular. I found it awkward as you never know how people will react to finding out you dance, so I never said anything. I know of one pole studio where there is a dance wear/gown/pleasers shop below where the girls used to book and practice during the day. But showing new girls how to do stage was always on the job initially, usually at their audition. I prefer a thinner, static pole fo both tricks and spins.

I just shaved, never waxed. Sally Hansen/Rimmel sun shimmer on top of a couple of layers of tan and you can't see anything anyway.

Thanks for being the bigger person OP and coming back and replying to people.

stripstrip I really wish I could shave. I end up with HUGE angry red lumps and I tried every which way possible, every product every razor.. I gave up.I envy women who can shave without much issue.

No problem halfwitpicker. I’m happy to discuss but not to be abused! Thanks for your support on the thread

Do you know what, I never did pole tricks in my stage show. I could do pole tricks, but I never did them on stage; it just wasn't my thing. My tricks weren't ever good enough to compete with some of the other girls (these girls would enter competitions and be all amazing and upside-down and all sorts) but I was a podium dancer at heart. And a really good dancer at that (though I say so myself). I could do things holding onto a pole that the other girls couldn't; wiggly hips and all that. I did love messing about with the pole before the club opened though.

I've just remembered too about drug taking, within a few days of me starting they sacked a girl for taking coke and took the toilet doors off the loos in the ladies. That seemed to put a stop to it. Shows how seriously the club took it at any rate.