Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

And I respect that you wouldn’t want your daughter to do that. You have a valid opinion and perspective. The difference between you and some other posters is that you are not vilifying me for doing it, just because it’s not to your taste.

Hmm, thank you for answering the question about job satisfaction. To be honest, apart from the money and keeping fit, there doesn't seem any other good points about the job. The hours must be awful too.

TBF I once did a well paid physical job during Uni and I absolutely loved getting so fit. Not sure I'd have enjoyed it so much if it was the same thing day after day and indoors late at night.

OP where did you/do lap dancers generally learn pole? I'm a pole dance instructor and every one of the lapdancers that have joined us have found classes quite difficult , our total beginners pick it up faster? We only work on spins in our beginner levels

Is there a reliance on grip aids in clubs? Are the poles thicker in clubs?

It is not my fault that men are creeps, they would be creeps with or without strip clubs*

Yes, but they wouldn’t be socially accepted creeps. Men who visit strip clubs on stag nights are seen as totally normal, that’s a standard stag night activity - very few people would see those men as creeps (I do, but most people don’t). It’s this normalisation that makes it worse, I think, it’s so casual, no big deal, to pay a woman to do what you want.

Private with regards to your list, I don’t think women are in any way desensitised to any of those things. Even women who wouldn’t call themselves feminists are aware that the female form is sexualised in loads of different contexts. That’s what feminism tries to stop, in my opinion, men from seeing us as bodies only, only useful for sex, to stop women being treated as commodities. And with respect, people are asking you to speak for your industry because you started a thread called ‘retired lap dancer, ask me anything’.

More or less but again it’s subjective. To you...the hours seem awful. To me the hours were exactly what I wanted to do.

To you there doesn’t seem like much to be satisfied about. To me there was.

We all want different things as have different preferences. One persons preferences aren’t wrong just because they are different to yours.

I think the only difference is that one is to an audience of many, and the other is small groups or one to one.

Not sure why it’s acceptable if you’re doing it in front of hundreds at once but terrible to do it to a few or one at once!

It’s because one is a performance in front of a group and one is a performance predominantly for men’s pleasure.

Guest we generally just learned in the club. We would come in a few hours before the club opened and practise together. I don’t think pole classes were mainstream then as they are no so no real alternative for us to practise elsewhere.

Strangely the poles were different in different clubs. Some were quite thick and difficult to grip properly, some were spinning poles (which made the spin moves SOOO much easier!) and some quite narrow which did hurt your shins when climbing but easier to grip.

Pumper I did you’re right, but I can only answer based on my experience. To attempt to do otherwise would make me a fraud. But I find it frustrating that I am being asked to answer based on my experience and then continuously being shouted down and told I’m wrong for sharing my experience and for having a positive one. I was even told to remain silent earlier in the thread. Why should I be censored when I am speaking truthfully about my experience, in response to people’s genuine questions?

I agree that women are less desentisisied than men to those things i mention. But I stand by my point that those things are the cause and the profitability of the lapdancing industry is a symptom of that rather than the cause.

@pump what about things like live sex shows in Amsterdam then? When I went to one there were about 100 people in the audience and the women on stage we’re doing far more then lap dancers do (masturbating, inviting men onto the stage and sitting on their faces etc).
Surely they are performing for predominantly male pleasure too even though there are lots of people in the audience

BTW. I HATE the idea of male strippers too. I have had friends go to clubs and I refuse to go. It's all too seedy for me. I'm not the least bit of a prude but I've zero interest in it. The forced raucousness of women where there are male strippers feels almost as bad as the seediness of female lap dancing clubs.

I would not want my daughters OR my sons to be a strippers/lap dancers.

Thank you - we've always been quite baffled as we expected some higher level experience when they come to class, and then we see there's no real technique or body engagement.

No one appreciates the skill and strength it requires, to learn on your own must have been pretend scary and experimental!

I appreciate both classes and dancing in clubs can be two different beasts! I think it's great that dancers are coming to regulated classes now and are using poles and bodies safely.

More or less

You’re entitled to your opinion and neither me or anyone else is saying you should be ok with visiting them or with your sons/or daughters going in/working in them.

It’s ok not to be ok with it.

It’s also ok for me to be ok with it.

*not pretend wtf lol

Also I applaud your posts in response to the negativity. Any lap dancer/stripper has my full support.

Guest
Yes it probably depends on how much they have practised in the clubs and how well they have managed to self teach, as well as the training skills of the experienced girls.
As a class teacher you are skilled in both pole and the ability to convey that information/skill to others. Whereas the girls in the clubs were skilled at pole but not necessarily teaching! So I suppose as a new dancer it’s pot luck how well you are taught depending on the club you start off in.

I wish there had been classes back then, I would have loved to go along to them when I first started.

I guess it is taste. I appreciate skill & artistry (both of which are lacking in your typical Male stripogram).

I guess I’d have to see a pole routine before I could determine my period caption of the artistry of the routines.

The idea of a live sex show disgust me. There you go, I said it.

private I don’t think anyone is saying you’re wrong for your experience, I’m certainly not. But I do think you’re guilty of ignoring the shady side of your industry and the role of strip clubs in relation to how men see women. To the extent that you’ve suggested that women are unconscious of advertising using women’s bodies and that there’s little difference between burlesque dancing to a large audience and stripping in front of three men in a club. Please don’t think I’m having a go at just you for this but you did appoint yourself as the spokesperson for this topic - I do get the impression that you don’t see the inequalities in society between men and women, and I can’t understand that given your previous job.

frosty I don’t understand that question. I do know there’s a high percentage of sex trafficked women in amsterdam’s red light district though, give me a minute and I’ll find some stats.

Thanks guest I don’t like to get drawn into the negative. I’m for women not against them

I wish there had been classes back then, I would have loved to go along to them when I first started

....and there wouldn't have been classes if it weren't for you ladies. High five for creating something pretty damn empowering . :)

Petrol

A live sex shoe wouldn’t be to my taste either. But to some it is. Thats ok. I just don’t go to them!

Pumper

No I absolutely do see the inequalities between men and women I object to you saying I’m ignorant to that.

What I’m saying is, I can’t justify the whole industry. It exists and I have used it to my advantage in the past, in a way which I personally found positive.

And there have been many posters upthread such as crunchy and true Brit to name a few that have made appalling suggestions such as the fact that a man leaves a lapdancing club feeling aroused and then goes into attack a woman on the street is the fault of the dancer, not the man!

I have also been called a ‘thick hun’ upthread.

I don’t like to slate other people but I’m sorry- such name calling makes the person doing it appear less intelligent ‘a thick hun’ rather than me. I’ve tried to remain articulate and composed despite some quite nasty comments.

I'd like a live sex shoe. Do they sell them at Clark's?

The difference between you and some other posters is that you are not vilifying me for doing it, just because it’s not to your taste.

But you came on, identified yourself as a former worker in a highly problematic industry, and invited questions? I don't see 'vilification' , I see people pointing out that it's not a matter of different 'preferences', as if you prefer strawberry to vanilla, it's a matter of ignoring the general social effect of an industry that normalises the objectification of women and the purchase of consent. It's not alone in doing so, no, but it does normalise it -- ie the idea that going to a lapdancing club is a normal, socially-acceptable thing to do on a stag night.

To the PP who asked about the difference between the Moulin Rouge and a lapdancing club of the kind the OP describes weirdly, though I've never been to a show, I was involved in recruiting some dancers, mostly from a rival Parisian show of the same kind, some years back - for a classical stage production being directed by a friend. (Long story too outing to give more details, but the production needed classically-trained dancers who were OK with appearing topless on stage.)

The dance requirements of this MR-type club were ferocious -- as well as being over 5 foot 9 and having the right kind of physique, the women who danced there were put through a strict audition process, required to have classical dance AND modern/jazz dance training, and to be able to learn long choreographed routines quickly. In some routines they had exposed breasts, but were often wearing heavy, jewelled costumes and feathered headdresses, or can-can costumes, dancing in unison with 50 or more other dancers.

And, given how massively expensive it is for the show and dinner, the audience is essentially well-heeled overseas tourists, not men looking for sexual titillation and private dances. It seemed more like being in West End musical, but wearing unusually revealing costumes, than a strip club.

Dontbesillyhenry probably more Anne summers than clarks!