A Man in a dress- how would you feel?

Totally depends on the guy and the attitude he had. My boyfriend used to rock a dress in the late 90s, early 2000s but I find myself giving side eye to many men who do it now, it’s often a bit lame. But not really anything to do with me unless he’s claiming it makes him a woman.

Silly women who haven’t ‘twigged’! 🙄

Do you consider yourself a gender critical FEMINIST or is that final bit not important to you?

I have a male colleague who wears clothes that would be from the women’s section, sometimes dresses and heels, male name, doesn’t care what pronouns people use, uses the male facilities.

The first time I saw him in a sequined top I was a little thrown, mostly because I was (wrongly) worried it would be the start of the pronouns and toilet debacle,but didn’t react. Now I know he just a bloke that like heels, it doesn’t bother me at all.

I hate heels, and we’re not a heels expected sort of workplace, so I do wonder why anyone would choose to wear them, but only in the same way I wonder about female colleagues in the same.

the music/arty types, the harry styles/kurt cobains of the world then it just seems fine.
Dave the brickie seems weirder. Probably a me issue to resolve.

its hard to get our heads around isn’t it?

my dp personality wise is a gentle soul but looks like a thug. Big, tattoos, skin head, can’t help but feel he’d like a right knob in a dress. But my son has a pal who can play any instrument in front of him and wears a bit of guyliner now and again when he performs, if he wore a strappy number I imagine he’d look great, tall and skinny and looks like he could have been in the manic street preachers back in the day.

There is a thread here about "Policing what men wear", I think the conclusions from it were that men would be banned from buying clothing online and that all online shops require ID to be able to implement the ban. All physical shops where men are allowed to buy clothing have a list of what clothes men are allowed to buy and that anything deemed feminine would be on the list of prohibited items for men.

It would all turn on how he behaved/ generally conducted himself. Provided he wasn't attempting any kind of offensive parody of a woman then i wouldn't care. More Harry Styles than Sam Smith. As PP says I'm probably granting HS a little bit of 'pretty privilege' there, but...

There is a tatooist in my area who wears knee length heavy skirts and kilts. He’s very ‘manly’ and looks good because he’s not emulating or fetishising Women.
He wears big boots and leather jackets with them.

Wouldn’t remotely bother me and is commonplace where I live.

Do you live in Transylvania?

There is a difference between men wearing clothes more traditionally associated with women that are cut for men’s shapes (like I’ve seen David Beckham/Harry Styles do).

And men wearing clothes that are designed for women.

I don’t necessarily have a problem with either, but I would be more wary of the motivations of the latter.

I think it's great. I've been pleased to note more guys in recent years just wearing skirts or dresses, and I'm not talking kilts, but just wearing them without any sense it's some big statement. Probably more common here in London than elsewhere but I think it shows men not seeing 'women's clothes' as 'humiliating"for a man, or as dress-up, but just something they can wear.

Has this man shown you the item in question?

Is it a tweedy sensible midi dress; or a pvc mini halterneck with accompanying fishnets?
His choice of item will tell you more about his motivations.

Also strongly second the pp who commented about this being a toe in the water, so be very clear on your boundaries with this man from the get-go so there can be no comeback later.

Yes, of course you can ask why.

No - I don’t believe that a man who wears a dress ‘just genuinely likes his it looks and feels’ - I believe that a man who wears a dress because he genuinely likes how it looks and feels is likely sexually aroused by his transvestism. This is my feeling, instinct and belief.

This belief was encouraged/ confirmed by a podcast ‘Rosebud’ by Giles Brandreth that I listened to, in which he interviews Grayson Perry. Perry (famously out transvestite) explains that by his reckoning the majority of these cross-dressers do it for the sexual thrill. From memory, he estimates something in the region of 75% - 85%. He, himself, wears oversized voluminous skirts and dresses to hide his erection.

I actually have respect for Grayson Perry for being honest and clear about his sexual motives for his transvestism and not lying about it.

Having said that, I, myself, don’t want to be around paraphilias. They tend to cluster so what initially emerges as transvestism/ autogynaephilia may go on to present in other sexual perversions.

I phrased it badly and should have put it inside "".

When women started to wear trousers etc it would have been considered to be emulating men. However, it is now completely normalised because the patriarchal systems in place see men as better and women as lesser so a woman is moving up whereas a man doing the converse is moving down. It's the same with jobs that were traditionally male or female. There is more respect for a female doctor than there is for a male nurse.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself here

We’ve got a hairdresser near me who dresses this way too - he looks great. He has a strong, slightly punky, masculine look.

I wouldn't mind what he wanted to wear but I would care what negative reactions my husband might get from others out in public and how they would affect him, and me if I was with him.

I go to a local pub quiz and there's a couple who go I've known for years. He recently started turning up in women's clothes, make up, growing breasts, etc. They're a lovely couple and clearly devoted. He's still called "Paul" by his wife and everyone else.
I struggle with it tbh. I treat him the same as I always used to though I've noticed some performative fawning by some women. I just feel so bad for his wife. I would feel utterly humiliated in her position.

I was a teenager in the 70s, we all cross dressed but this is different.

I think there is a chasm between being 'fashion forward' and dressing up as a woman.

I think there would have to be an element of conscious boundary breaking nature in such an act ( for a man) because the weight of 'taboo' associated with it is still quite pronounced. You can easily imagine a pop or rock star doing wearing a dress ( and they have done, and do) because their public persona tends to involve a very self consciously 'styled' display that aims to draw attention. They 'get away with it' because overt performance is their occupation.

I saw a young man wearing a skirt once and it was quite nice and refreshing to see him not caring about negative attention from other men, and neither was he doing it in an overly "look at me" kind of way. However it is rare to see a man wear a dress or skirt in such a way, normally it is only men who you know are consciously trying to 'identify as' women who do so......and the sexualised and fetishistic nature of the presentation is always very obvious, and draws the attention - but in an icky/creepy kind of way that you associate with male sexual transgression ( and which most women are very familiar with).

a man wearing a dress IS a statement depending on the dress a fairly major one (exception here for kilts).
a woman wearing a men’s suit (not a feminine version) is equally a statement.
btw I call BS on being new, only read a few posts etc. MN is very well known for GC views especially in the FS&G section.

@Shortshriftandlethal , you’ve just reminded me that I saw a teenage lad in Brighton wearing a skirt recently. Obviously seeing men wearing women’s clothes isn’t at all unusual in Brighton, but what was more unusual about this was that he didn’t seem to be trying to look like or pass as a woman. He had on a skirt, but everything else about his presentation was masculine or neutral. So, stereotypically male hairstyle, shoes, top and jacket, not wearing make up etc. I quite admired that because it seemed artistic rather than fetishistic.