Am I being unreasonable about being offended when people think men should sit at the head of the table?

No. I had a mother-in-law like this. Absolutely no filter and passive aggressive. Said things like, “You’re a smart girl, so I know you’ll realize I’m right. I’m surprised your mother didn’t teach you this.”

I really don't understand how anyone can be "offended" by something so petty. I couldn't care less who sits at the head of the table.

Your MiL was really rude to a) set a table for 6 people with uneven sides so she could put one person at the head and b) not immediately acquiesce when you told her it wasn't how you do things (and even ruder to scoff).

We put the cook at the head of the table when we have uneven numbers a it's closest to the kitchen. I would go absolutely mental if someone tried to insist it should be DH because he's the man.

This was a strict rule in my family. Still to this day my father must sit at the head of the table at their house, even if we’re just having tea. I specifically always place myself at the head of the table when they come for a meal at my house. My mother questioned it once and never again. 😊 When it’s just my own family we sit wherever we please. We have our favourite spots but it’s got nothing to do with rank. Youngest usually ends up at the head.

We clearly are very different people- I would never live with a man I wasn’t married to, certainly not have children with either. I respect tradition. I also did not marry a housemate- not going on dates or maintaining a physical relationship and letting things drift is weird- I don’t want a flatmate and I have plenty of platonic friends. A husband occupies a very unique and special role in my life.

You sound like my toxic ex-MIL. She never worked but she was a housewife rather than a SAHM. She worshiped her husband and she told me that if she had to choose, she'd rather her own children died than her husband.

I watched that; its incredible that they basically tried to weaponise the (totally natural and justified) anger of the mothers of dead children as “hysteria”, and portrayed it as women being unable to control themselves as opposed to whole families being upset that their children had died and no one was accepting accountability.

It made me really angry.

There was room on the sides, MIL made a gap on the side to put him at the head of the table

That’s why we’ve always had a round dining table!!

Well she should know that it is very unclassy to talk hypothetically about anyone dying, and that is an awful thing to have said. Utterly bizarre, and awkward for you to hear no doubt.

Why don't you give it a go? Check out what food a family could buy/eat under rationing and the same for clothes and limit your family to that. Get rid of your central heating, only watch one channel on your TV (BBC) and use public transport (you certainly wouldn't have had your own car back then). Only have a bath (not a shower) a couple of times a week.

It sounds utterly hellish to me as women had no rights back then (no access to contraception, no access to abortion, marital rape was legal) but that seems to be what you would prefer.

I think life was better overall in the past than it is now.

It was the same when I grew up 😂 the highchair went at the end of the table and for the most part dad ended up in the living room because their wasn't enough chairs at the table 🤣

Aye yer right. Hes only a male. Shove him int' coal 'ole and throw him some scraps 😉

Which seat is ‘the head of the table’? Does it have a velvet throne or something to define its’ importance?

What a lot of fuss about a sitting position. I am a child of the 50’s and I have never experienced this myself.

I wouldn’t have bothered making it a thing with Mil she was only there for one meal. Your dh respects your opinion and it works for you as a family the rest of the time.

If you see the pictures below, the first kind will be the standard ones that are perfectly sufficient for the women and the children; but the second one is the kind that the head of the table will require, as he is the man and his superior position and inherent greater importance must be recognised as such far and wide by all.

Would I be right in thinking that the kind of MIL who ensures that her precious big boy gets the special seat at the head of the table is also the one struggling to carry his overflowing banqueting plate to the table, whilst the women all get a couple of slivers of meat scraps and half a small potato, "Because we're watching our weight, aren't we?" ?

I think it probably would have been for you! Your posts read like a cheesy 1950s washing powder commercial.

To be honest, I think your posts are just a wind up to see who bites. I cannot believe in this day and age there are still women who would think like that.

As a result of this thread, I am forever going to deliberately seat myself at the head of every table should there ever be the opportunity to. After all, any man or their hand maidens shouldn’t get het up about it as it’s apparently so inconsequential and petty, right. It’s not inconsequential to me, though. Nothing about the fuck ass patriarchy and entrenched sexism is, and you’re a mug and perpetuating damage to all of us if you think otherwise.

Fabulous - exactly as I thought! 🤣🤣🤣

And it amazes me you think all women have been brainwashed by modern, aggressive, feminism, which is a cancer to society. Plenty of women are still excellent wives and mothers.

DH and I sit opposite each other when it’s just us 2 but when we have wider family I sit at the “head” of the table because I’m the cook and therefore in charge! I don’t think it would even enter DH head to question this!

I'm going to start opening doors for men, giving up my seat, and offering to pay the bill. That should show them!

Hey, I'm still married after 4 decades. We have two grown up successful children and two young grandchildren. We both had professional careers as well. It's possible to have both as long as you embrace a modern world that enables you to juggle tasks and support each other.

Go back to your twin tub and don't suggest that because women want equal rights they're bad parents or wives, this is simply not true.