My sister has been hurting her son

Oh what a nightmare. I'm so glad he has your parents as familiar and loving adults who you can trust to have his best interests at heart in a family home. How traumatic for all concerned. It sounds like you're still processing what this all means and it's great that you're able to help financially and be a listening ear for your parents. It must have been such a shock and rattled you all.

Hi. How awful. I just wanted to say that I adopted two children. Many adopters are raising children whose birth parents did awful things to them. Often the birth parents are in complete denial, or one blames the other.

Anyway, services are used to dealing with children who have been badly treated like this. Make sure your parents get support from one of the kinship carer organisations sovthey understand their rights and what support may be available. CAMHS should be involved to help him process his trauma.

Good luck

I have sgo of a child. The parents were convicted of child abuse against him he's been with us since he was 2. Sorry to shock everyone but the bastards are still allowed court decided contact with him. He's 9 now. Learning difficulties and delays thanks to brain damage and I waste my time sending his parents letters and photos. I'm threatened with court if I dont. Child currently doesn't want to see them and I'm being constantly hounded by social workers to restart visits. Again back to court soon I imagine and social services will start supervising their visits despite the child not wanting them.
Sorry your family is going through this too op.
Here's the real kicker. I pay for all my own legal expenses when we are taken to court which tends to be every couple of years. Had easily cost me over 25k now and the parents get legal aid individually. Its so wrong

I'm so sorry this has happened to your nephew. If your sister wasn't like this before then it sounds as though she's been massively influenced by her boyfriend. It's hard to think that someone could change to that extent.

Do the police have the videos now?

Shize, this is hard to read. So sorry this is happening to you.

So sorry OP. Just unbearable to think of. Thank goodness you and your parents are there to step in and provide your nephew with a loving environment from now on.

How old is your sister? Is she quite impressionable? It's crazy that she showed no inclination of this kind of thing. It's scary that somebody can be so different from how they seem.

This happens time and time again and basically she’s chosen a man over her son unfortunately. I hope your nephew gets to stay with your parents and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I’m so sorry, OP, how utterly devastating.

As others have said, you have nothing to feel guilty for - how could you have possibly known your nephew wasn’t safe with the sister you loved and thought you knew?

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can for now with the financial support and the video calling.

Have you thought about maybe getting some short term professional support for yourself? Someone you can talk to about the impact of all this, a place to offload your own feelings and trauma about it all, to help you process it all. Not only would that potentially be good for you, it could also support you to be there as much as possible for your nephew and parents.

Just a suggestion as it clearly is and has been so deeply distressing for you, and you’re a completely innocent party in this. You clearly love your nephew very much and are doing your best to help however you can.

Can you access legal help for your parents? Raise your concerns that they made be allowed access and even to take the child back in the future? They will have advised on these situations before and it might allow you to stay one step ahead?

It’s indulgent to feel guilty tbh. You live far away, part of that means not being there to see things or protect the child. I also live at a distance and I understand that this means I am not in place to have a close relationship with my nephew. Guilt doesn’t help anyone now.

You’re doing what you can with the information you have now. As you did when you believed he was safe. Drop the guilt, get angry. Continue to be more involved.

Well, apologies. It was meant to give you a shake and say you’re doing what you can now but that there’s no point being guilty because you didn’t know so it’s pointless and not helping anyone. Clearly didn’t work.

I honestly think this is why I was being crazy in my previous posts. It wasnt actually aimed at OP, it was more I am frightened because SS and family courts are not fit for purpose. The more I look into fostering the more apparent it is to me how many kids are forced into contact with their abusers.

Someone suggested help with legal funding for the grandparents, that seems like a good idea but 25k you've gone through is awful. Im so sorry to hear that.

OP, if you are normal and not abusive, it's unimaginable that someone else is doing this, especially a family member. Kids have bruises, parents are not perfect, but no one would immediately jump to thinking it's abusive without clear evidence.

You and your parents have nothing to be guilty about. Be glad it was discovered, that's the best thing that could happen.

Yeah we are foster carers. I fostered a 7yo that graphically described how her dad had been sexually abusing her and also allowing his friends too. She was so brave. Re told it to social workers and then again for the police. Case built against the dad and he was convicted but during the 9months we waited for court dad was allowed 3 x hourly visits per week fully supervised by social services. He regularly guilted her upset her, whispered about changing her story when he thought he couldn't be overheard. Problem is my child isn't adopted we have an SGO. This means bio parents retain parental responsibility. Whenever someone has PR they are generally legally allowed info about and or access to the child. There is so much support for the parents that have had their kids legally taken its insane. They have their own social workers, support workers. Charities keen to jump in and help them prove they changed in the 6 weeks they work with them. I get absolutely zero support for the child. He's only entitled to what other kids queue up for on the nhs. No fast tracked therapies etc. Yet his mum has had multiple rounds of private therapies to.cope with her 'loss'. As soon as support workers change or pull away we don't hear from her again untill someone encourages her. It's shit.