My sister has been hurting her son

I am so sorry @Kickpot your poor nephew. I cried reading your thread, and I can only imagine the depth of feeling you and your parents must have. You, and they, sound like lovely people, who are trying to do your very best in an absolutely shocking, heartbreaking situation. I have no insight or advice, but just wanted to wish you all well, at a really disturbing time, especially your little nephew 💙

Please don't blame yourself - you and your parents are stepping up and providing a loving home. I hope your little nephew has the best life possible and I'm sending you all best wishes. As for your sister, I have no words

Failing to attend contact is one of the quickest ways to ensure she won't get him back if I'm honest.

Come off it! You've been really condescending and judgy about OP in your previous posts and even the post that you call 'writing something nice to OP' used the same sort of scolding language, particularly when you said:

'Ive just seen this, where you've admitted that you will probably need to step up in the future.'

The use of the word 'admitted; implies that that OP is reluctant to help and that she's been shamed into saying that, which is completely unfair. OP offered to take her nephew in the beginning but she and her parents thought it was probably best for him to remain in his school for the time being.

@Kickpot
Well Done for doing the right thing
I will get flayed for making this point that I truly belive should happen
But here goes,
Which is
If you are responsible for true child/toddler/baby abuse/cruelty and its proven without doubt then the
Women should be sterilised and the
Men given a beyond "the snip" snip
So neither can never ever have children again I tell you,
What frightens me is your sister
Getting pregnant again.......

I totally get it. I feel very strongly about my own nephews, close to what I feel for my own DC.

I used to work in retail and I remember once a dad came in with his DS, about 8 years old. The dad said the DC had autism and I think he was non verbal. He was trying to get him to try something on and he didn't want to. His dad aggressively wrestled him to the floor and sat on him and told me to "just do it", that was put the item on him. I was horrified and refused to do it. Then the mum came along, asked why I hadn't done what I was asked and I told her that I am not forcefully doing something to a child. She then gave me a major dressing down and went to the management to complain about me.

If I had been a bystander and not working at the time, I would have ripped into those parents and told them I was calling the police or social services.

I just don't get the mentality of your sister. I genuinely thought that most women would never choose a man over their child.

OP this is heartbreaking to read, you and your parents sound absolutely wonderful. Your poor nephew - my heart is breaking for the little lad.

If your family are in the North East of England give me a DM as I know someone who is a child trauma therapist and works with families - she is amazing x

Thats not why I used the word admitted, it literally just means acknowledging something. Not that she's reluctant. I didn't assume that, it's obvious how much she cares about her nephew, she's devastated.

And I've already apologised twice to the OP for how my posts have come across, if you read to the bottom of the thread. So perhaps this was a bit unnecessary? As Im aware I should have spoken about this differently.

Completely agree. Although my posts are getting deleted due to this 🤨

OP, please don't feel guilty. None of this is your fault. You can be part of the little boy's second chance, alongside your wonderful parents.
💐

How dreadful for all of you.
There is no point in beating yourself up over this. Look to the future - your nephew is now safe, with people who love him dearly. And even though you live away, with modern technology you can still have contact and be his loving Aunt. So many of these cases have family and friends who are aware of trouble and do nothing.
You and your family sound lovely and with your support I'm sure the little one has a great future.

It could take a very long time.

Police want a strong case and to gather all the evidence. Then they will prosecute and take to court. Sis and partner will likely plead not guilty, then there will be another long wait for trial.

Police and social services will not be in a rush both because they want to get it right and because the only risk they pose is to DNephew and they won't be allowed anywhere near him unsupervised. So, from their point of view the risk is managed.

As horrific as the videos are, it's helpful she sent them. That evidence is forever.

But OP, you could also consider talking to a therapist about this because it's clearly had an impact on your wellbeing.

Was there ever any clue in your sister's personality that this was ever likely or do you think she has been heavily influenced by the man?

I have an older sister I am NC with and I can see this could happen with her. She has zero patience at all but if this happened with my younger sister, I would be stunned.

I can’t offer anything more than has already been said but I want to say how fortunate your DN is to have you & your parents . You are doing everything you possibly can and his life will be so much better for you being in it
I work with traumatic situations like this all the time and forever feel humbled by wonderful families who step up to protect their child relative . Dont blame yourself , you are amazing in what you are doing

@Kickpot please stop feeling guilty about something you couldn’t do anything about.

The people responsible for what happened is your sister afd her partner. You are not responsible. Your role has never been to ensure all your family members were safe etc….
It’s totally understandable for you to be devastated. To wish it had never happened. But it diesnt make you responsible for it.

Re living abroad.
I have some experience there.
My cousin lost her mum and her dad simply didn’t cope (he was later diagnosed as schizophrenic). My family is VERY scattered all over the world.
So when it became clear dad wasn’t coping and my cousin was basically becoming his carer (at 11yo), everyone stepped in the way they could.
one aunt took my cousin on. My parents provided financially, my gran too etc….
It worked well because each person did what was in their abilities.
I wasn’t in the same country, so I could help by being there. That’s ok.
My parents felt too old to take on a near teenager but had more spare money. My aunt was abroad herself but had a child the same age that knew each other.
Our gran was the common presence through it all despite beimg in a different place altogether.

Id use a similar approach there. Dint assume the only or best way to help is to be present. Have a chat with your parents. What do they need?
Would some spare money to pay to therapists help? Do they need some respite a couple of weeks a year? Maybe you could then step in etc…..
You dont have to be physically present to make a hige difference hin your nephew life 🫂🫂

Look after your mum OP. She must be shell shocked and is facing a very hard road. At a time of life when she could have reasonably been expected to slow down she is parenting a traumatised child with complex needs while dealing with her emotional response to her own daughter. The physical, emotional and financial strain will be huge, and the best and most loving will in the world doesn't give extra capacity.
She will likely tell you they're coping as she won't want anyone to take him away. But if you can, visit lots to check on her welfare and give her some respite.

It’s a returning troll @Kickpot , they’ve been banned and deleted a few times today.