Don’t want my 16 year old here anymore.

I'm curious about why you haven't acknowledged any of the comments mentioning phoning the police. It might seem like a scary line to cross but your current situation is pretty dire, it's worth considering.

OP contact them again and ask for accommodation to be provided for your DS under Section 20 if the Children’s Act 1989. Tell them you have reached crisis point, that you can no longer care for him because he is a danger to you and his other siblings. Make it clear that he will be effectively homeless and they have a duty to act.

Sorry I see "He will not attend any appointments. I had him referred to CAMHS he didn’t and wouldn’t engage so they discharged him."

Was this online or in person? We found online wass actually easier. We did nit get the right help so habe been re-refered to CAMHS.

This is a good suggestion. Something to take any anger out but redirection and discipline from other, usual men who lead. Boxing clubs are very good for it.

I would not do it together. I would encourage him to join a boxing club or martial arts club on his own. Have a chat with a boxing club leader on your own by all means. They might be able to encourage him to join.

In your position I would call a domestic violence helpline. They will advise you how you can get him out to keep you & your children safe. I was in this position with my son but I had a husband to keep us safe.

Why didnt you phone police then?

Remove all devices and phone police to remove him every single time he kicks off.

Hes had a lot of upset and back and forth with different men coming in and out of his life and being abusive. Hes seen from this that he can do what he wants. Hes had a lot of new siblings (babies and toddlers and exhausted pregnant mums are stressful for kids and they often feel pushed out.) Its not necessarily your fault but a young boy raised like this with unlimited screen time and no boundaries will always act out.

Take your card off him for a start?!

Maybe find something like a boxing club - a lot of those have originally been set up to help difficult / lost teens and they provide them with a real sense of community and purpose.

If he has known since the age of ten that you didn’t want him, then it doesnt excuse his behaviour, but it does explain it a bit. And will not alter anything now.

I suggested a boxing club before but he will only go if someone else suggests it. He won’t if you do. He hates you as much as you hate him.

You do need to speak to people who can do something. Plenty of suggestions made. But you need to be proactive and go back to talk to them. And to get help, hard though it may be try to do it calmly and not get angry. Ask clear questions about what, who, where you can get help if not from them. For yourself and for him. And for your other children.

I think this is a really dangerous suggestion when he’s already showing violent tendencies towards OP and his siblings. It’s giving him the tools to do a better job.

I would be phoning the police and social services. What will happen when teachers notice how tired your other kids are and they tell the teacher about what’s happening? Or when he hurts them badly and a medical professional or school have to then refer a safeguarding concern.
i think you are probably so worn down by his behaviour that a way forward seems too hard to picture. Which is understandable. But you can’t control his actions. You can only control yours which needs to be actions that will help all of you.

"I mean what else can I do with his mindset like that? I can’t physically drag him to the appointments or online…."

Of course you cannot. It was just a thought.

The point of the boxing club, where you have an angry young man you will get trained coaches able to redirect anger. And focus into something positive, with discipline and structure. And why many boxing clubs thrive in some areas where angry young men may feel life has thrown them nothing good.

It will not teach a psychopath not to be one granted. If unreachable, then unreachable he would remain.

It sounds incredibly difficult.

I think gaming is the cause of a lot of issues, my kids don't like being told they have time limits or to come off to do something else, they always seem really angry so the more anger they show when they come off the less time they can game for. I also think mobile devices are bad for MH issues, people use them to isolate themselves. I would remove his phone and his PS5 every day after 6pm so he can't stay up on night on them.

When he goes outside to rant and rave - lock the door and call the police - actually if you can get him to go outside any time he gets abusive then lock the door on him and call the police.

Stop worrying about what your neighbours think.

Is there someone like women’s aid that could advise you?

I am afraid your thread headlines says you do not. And goes on to list why not. And that he has been this way since the age of ten.

You don’t have to say things to people sometimes for them to understand how you feel about them.

As a single parent, how do you propose the OP provides that?

I love it when people chirp "Sit him down and lay all the facts out to him". I tried to "sit DS1 down" for years, but he would either walk off or talk right over me. If I laid out what I wanted in a text, it would be "CBA to read all that". The lengths he went to avoid hearing what I wanted to say to him were impressive. So, at 16 and a half he doesn't live here any more. He was assigned a youth worker (who he refused to engage with), and there was the option to be signGed into local authority care and housed by them, but he opted not to take that, because he wants to

Oh OP, I really feel for you, it's a desperately difficult situation.

I wish people making lovely suggestions would understand how you've tried everything in the last six years.

You're literally at crisis point, and there is a potential tradegy waiting to happen. You and your other children are at risk and as DS is so unpredictable, who knows what will happen and when.

I think your priority is everyone's safety, and clearly, so do you. I think you need to call the police and say you want him removed by them. Or for them to be in attendance when you ask DS to pack his bags and leave. Give all the examples of his violence and aggression. This isn't about you not caring, it will force SS involvement and hopefully will be an avenue to getting him appropriate residential support. Make it clear to him that you still love him and that you're doing this in order to help him but also that ultimately, you will not and cannot tolerate his behaviour in your house any longer.
Ignore the judgemental comments. This could be the best thing for your son. And there may be a good chance you can build on your relationship in the long term.
I wish you all the very best.

My heart goes out to you OP.
I had a similar experience and didn't have a happy ending.

So the three year old’s father upped and left pretty sharpish.

Whenever I read a thread like this there are almost always too many children for one adult to manage, and yet they keep going. If your eldest has been troubled for six years how did you even have time to date let alone start a new family?