Don’t want my 16 year old here anymore.

Try social care again please. Things are likely to be different from a few years ago.
X

Hear hear 👏

It's impacting on your other children so it's not sustainable
You need help and support. Perhaps residential care is the way forward

Is he depressed? As it seems he shows little interest in anything.
Or could he be involved in something criminal at all?

It does sound like you've reached the end of your tether and his problems and behaviour are getting worse for you and his siblings, but also he is on a downward spiral that is now out of control.

You need to find a solution rather than carrying in as you are, especially as your on your own and have other children to consider.His father has let him down badly as have social services and educational services., and NHS.

Are there any grandparents in the picture where he could stay for a while,?

I don't know if evicting him is what you really want to do, it's just the immediate solution to the issues but if you do, I think you need to ring the councils homelessness unit and explain everything to them and ask them to find him accommodation as you are evicting him at the end of the month. Do you have a hostel.in your area? If you or the council can find a place for him. then pack a bag for him, open a bank account for him give him some survival money until he can get benefits ( or a job?) and provide him with information on how to find a job , the benefits claim process, and list what bills he will have to pay. ( Rent, food, mobile phone etc,) .

If you want him to change his behaviour and attitudes he needs therapy and he needs a qualified experienced support worker and possibly mental health support from NHS. Is there a young person's mental health charity in your area that could offer him a support worker to help him understand the impact his behaviour is having and help him transition to adulthood and find employment, as it doesn't sound like he is going to be able to support himself, and may end up on the streets or resort to criminal activity.

It's a dreadful situation to be in, but but I think you have to take proactive action as doing nothing is not helping any of you.. I expect you are just sick and tired and mentally exhausted yourself, but try to make some phone calls today. Prepare yourself and him a timetable and action and consequences list to work to before you evict him by whatever deadline you set.

Ive been where you are, at least 75% of it, and I hear you. It's hell to live with. Some boys really, really do need a dominant male in the house.

It's hell to live with and when every other path has been tried, you have to weigh up the needs of your oldest with the needs of your younger children - who need a peaceful, stable, loving and well-boundaried childhood - and your own needs.

Sometimes, if there is absolutely no other choice, you are driven for everyone's sake to make the hardest decision.

People who haven't been there just won't get it, and many will be quick to judge and to say "but you should have done this differently". There are lots of people, male and female, who love judging where they have no knowledge.

Then report your card as lost to the bank and get another - and don’t give him the card details. OP you’re obviously in a horrendous situation but this is one element you can control. He’s effectively stealing from you.

Dad has buggered off tho....

Report your card lost. They cancel it and will send you a new card with a fresh 16 digit card number. Just don’t share it with your son or tell him what you’ve done to avoid him kicking off. Act clueless as to why the card he has no longer works.

This is not the fault of having no dominant male in the house. Although I do agree it’s easier to cope with when there are two of you.

I do not agree with turfing young adolescent children out when they are obviously screaming at you for help but just don’t say it. It comes out in many other ways but the right way.

@Blackwidowsbite your son needs help. I strongly believe this is where your focus should be. Call the social everyday, as those that scream loudest get served first, or if you think he’s a danger to himself, you or your younger children you may need to look at getting him sectioned to get him the help he needs.

I wish you all the patience you need to get through this together. He’ll thank you when he’s an adult.

Op this is probably a useless suggestion but is your ds physically confident and active? if so, could you get him interested in joining the forces?

Good god @LittleMissFooled if you really think the OP could get her son sectioned, try finding out how the process functions. It just does not work like that. You'd be laughed out of the shop, politely of course.

Surely if he’s out of control and violent, a danger to others he could be?

But he'd have to be a danger due to severe mental health problems.

Not because he just won't behave.

I agree, OP needs support and this may involve him moving out to ensure the safety of her and the younger ones. But sectioning is not going to be a helpful route. She's having enough problems getting social services to even recognise that his behaviour is a problem.

The idea of it reminds me of that episode of peep show where everyone is trying to get everyone else sectioned - and the Dr is having none of it, because it's not appropriate.

?

Er .... very few people who are dangerously out of control and violent fit the criteria for being sectioned.

Maybe look into how the process works, because it really isn't the way you think it is.

I thought you said he was nurturing and loved his sister? Doesn’t sound like it if he’s charging round the house yelling and deliberately disturbing their sleep.

You cannot bail on him. He’s your son. I just cannot imagine what abandoning him now would do to him. It’s such a vulnerable time of his life and you need to follow some of the other posters’ advice and get stronger in your parenting skills. You’ve made so many mistakes already, don’t compound it by kicking him out.

It’s not “surrendering him”. It’s abandonment.

Attitudes like this are the reason so many mothers are killed by their adult sons. They were told, over and over again, that they "couldn't abandon" their sons, and that they were "vulnerable". That, even in the face of violent and dangerous men, they still had to put themselves last.

And what about the other children? He's already being dangerously violent to his brothers, if that continues to escalate he's going to severely injure or even kill one of them eventually.

He's clearly been influenced by his friend, his father or by the sites he's been reading on line. How would you suggest the OP get's stronger in her parenting skills when he completely ignores everything she says and any kind of sanctions she puts in place lead to incidents like the one described - I'd love to hear what your solution for this large, physically almost adult, male would be.

'It’s not “surrendering him”. It’s abandonment'

Better abandon younger siblings, plural?

OP needs to protect her family and herself from a young man in the family home who is physically and mental abusive and inflicting criminal damage in the home. And that means he needs to be removed from the home

He's a child, and a member of her family.

I don’t want him here anymore. What do I do?

He’s sixteen, and old enough to live on his own. Next time he’s out, change the locks, put his stuff outside. If he makes trouble call the police as he’s trespassing.

If you don’t want him, that’s what to do.

Family members can be violent and dangerous.

OP, you have done what you can.

You absolutely have a responsibility to your other children, to provide them with a peaceful home.

You do not owe him your other childrens childhood.

You need to do whatever it takes to get him out of your home.

He rules that house and he knows it.
Involve the police.

Tell them he is hurting his siblings and you.
MN is full of posters that will excuse the very worst of male violence, from a brother, husband, father, uncle, grandfather and son.

It is a continuous theme.
Once any man lays hands on a woman, the relationship is broken and all bets are off.

He wouldn't be doing it if you were a 6ft man well able for him.

Get him out, and let him bear the consequences of his years of abuse of you.
You and your other children are entitled to peace.

He's a young man as well as a child, and the OP has younger children at home who are being bullied.

Do you have any solutions for her? Given that she's had parenting courses and tried to set boundaries and consequences, and he's still behaving as badly as before?