Page 15 | Don’t want my 16 year old here anymore.

Blackwidowsbite · 2026-09-02T22:16:31+00:00

Just that really had enough, the last 6 years have been hell, he’s disrespectful, rude, always threatens to put me on my ass, doesn’t listen to me, do as he is told, eats all the food and has no care about anyone else, he doesn’t go to school is home tutored twice a week. He has ADHD but I’m just done with it all, he refuses his meds, won’t go to his appointments, sleeps all day and is awake all night. I tried putting rules and boundaries in place and he constantly pushes them, he’s a bad influence on his siblings they are becoming like him and I’m a single mum and really struggling. He doesn’t go out, doesn’t want to do anything but play games all day every day, he spends money on my card for his games without my permission, I’ve had this for the last 6 years and I just can’t do it anymore, he is affecting my mental health and I’m constantly exhausted, he kicks off and smashes things, he tries to over power my parenting when I try and tell his siblings off or put rules in place. I don’t want him here anymore. What do I do? How do I get him out? I’m actually scared he’s going to hit me and then his siblings think it’s ok, he’s already attacked me before. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells. This isn’t a life. Do not comment if you haven’t got anything nice to say. This isn’t even the half of what I’ve had to put up with the last 6 years!!

Italiangreyhound · 12/09/2026 21:29

Thinking of you op.

Original poster

Blackwidowsbite · 13/09/2026 20:14

Tried to have a chat with him, with a male present this evening, didn’t go well. Told him he is grounded and wanted his phone refused to give me it and told me not happening, told him the Internet will be going off earlier until he proves that he will change his ways and his attitude. He’s currently at my mums as he stormed out and she only took him in because she didn’t want me to get hurt. He also said it’s all my fault what happened Friday because I was selfish and wanted to sleep and turned the Internet off. So he hasn’t learnt his lesson, he doesn’t give a shit about being in a cell for the night and thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. He claims self defense.

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Lovelyworld1 · 13/09/2026 21:00

Stay strong and firm with him now. Set clear boundaries and consequences for his bullying aggressive behaviour and don’t back down just because he gets angry. Keep yourself and your other children safe. You’re not responsible for his behaviour, and you’re not selfish for setting boundaries. ❤️

Movingonup313 · 13/09/2026 22:49

I guess this is positive in that he removed himself from your house rather than assualt you/his siblings. It might be a sign that he is getting the message.... slowly.
Hope all ok at your mums.
The messages re boundaries, rules and respect have to keep being enforced.
Hope you are feeling a bit better and the stresses are reducing a little for you and little ones.

Holidaymodeon · 14/09/2026 10:53

I’m sorry it escalated but at least police are aware now. Next time if they are involved again you have to refuse him re entry to the family home. It feels like a hard thing to do to him but it’s more likely to get him housed in a safe place, they can’t see him on the streets, you just need to be strong and say you no longer feel safe for yourself or the other kids.

ShortLoveStoryset · 15/09/2026 12:47

Op you need to stay strong

Your home should be your & your young childrens place of safety

Stay strong with your boudaries, because other people in society will not tolerate bad behaviour & your DS needs to learn.

Police & social services are a good start

He could do with a mentor

What does DS want to do in the future ?
Education
Job
Hobbies
Sport
Family life

Original poster

Blackwidowsbite · 16/09/2026 16:48

So social finally rang, I’ve never know anything so fucking useless in my life honestly. They are going to send family solutions here, apparently independent living wouldn’t be suitable for my son because he cannot regulate his emotions etc so because he has a diagnosis for adhd and is awaiting an assessment for autism they are using that to their advantage. He’s also currently playing games on his phone as he point blank refused to give me his phone, I’ve told him 5 times he is grounded for two weeks and he is not to play games but he’s told me that he didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not his fault I am selfish and wanted to sleep and kept the internet off at half 11 on a Friday night after asking numerous times to be quiet and come off call to his friend. I feel absolutely powerless and this is not setting an example to his siblings. They will think they can do what they want when they want too and not have any consequences for their actions. I feel like getting in my car and fucking off and then that will make the social come out won’t it? From what was said this morning when on the phone to the social it’s acceptable for him to abuse his mother and siblings. Pah! If that was me doing it to them they would be here quick time! 😡😡😡😡😡

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AshCullen1894 · 16/09/2026 17:15

Make sure you call the police every time he becomes aggressive.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 16/09/2026 17:20

Well, it's quite astonishing how high the bar has to be for SS to get involved sometimes. My biological mother used to have her kids on the ground curled up while she was kicking them and SS did precisely ... nothing. Other times they'll get involved and go in all guns blazing where inappropriate ... seen that too sigh. Essentially they'll pick the route that's easiest and safest for them, partly admittedly because they've been on the receiving end of an awful lot of opprobrium sometimes, partly because they've been cut to the barest of bones.

I think you're going to have to play it clever. Wait until he gets physical again, ring the police and say that you refuse to have him back at that point. If you try to enforce some (reasonable) boundaries, he'll get physical sooner or later.

Original poster

Blackwidowsbite · 16/09/2026 17:41

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 16/09/2026 17:20

Well, it's quite astonishing how high the bar has to be for SS to get involved sometimes. My biological mother used to have her kids on the ground curled up while she was kicking them and SS did precisely ... nothing. Other times they'll get involved and go in all guns blazing where inappropriate ... seen that too sigh. Essentially they'll pick the route that's easiest and safest for them, partly admittedly because they've been on the receiving end of an awful lot of opprobrium sometimes, partly because they've been cut to the barest of bones.

I think you're going to have to play it clever. Wait until he gets physical again, ring the police and say that you refuse to have him back at that point. If you try to enforce some (reasonable) boundaries, he'll get physical sooner or later.

Well he’s currently on the way to the police station as he has said he is getting his ps5 and monitor. Reckons me and the police officer lied to him, when I told him the police officer told him and myself that only I can get it. He’s been rude and name calling this evening, it’s also when he’s on the phone to his friend this particular friend also was on the phone Friday night. I just honestly don’t know what else to do, I’ve had enough of this bullshit.

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Lovelyworld1 · 16/09/2026 17:54

I’m so sorry, I can understand why you’ve had enough. Please don’t deal with the abuse on your own. If he becomes abusive or threatening towards you or the siblings, call the police and let them handle it. Just focus on keeping everyone safe ❤️

Lovelyworld1 · 16/09/2026 18:00

You really don’t want to have to go through this with your younger children so take a stand and refuse to put up with his shit

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 16/09/2026 18:15

Well he’s currently on the way to the police station as he has said he is getting his ps5 and monitor. Reckons me and the police officer lied to him, when I told him the police officer told him and myself that only I can get it.

I don't entirely understand sorry - he's headed to the police station because he kicked off and you called the police again?

I think that calling the police is the right thing to do.

Again, sending support from afar. This is a form of hell to live with. I know :(

Easilyforgotten · 16/09/2026 19:35

Who is paying for his phone? I wouldn't be giving him a single penny for anything .......

Original poster

Blackwidowsbite · 16/09/2026 21:06

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 16/09/2026 18:15

Well he’s currently on the way to the police station as he has said he is getting his ps5 and monitor. Reckons me and the police officer lied to him, when I told him the police officer told him and myself that only I can get it.

I don't entirely understand sorry - he's headed to the police station because he kicked off and you called the police again?

I think that calling the police is the right thing to do.

Again, sending support from afar. This is a form of hell to live with. I know :(

No when they took him Friday night he was meant to go to family or friends so packed his monitor and ps5 but then he put in a cell instead as had nowhere else to go so his stuff is in lock up.

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Original poster

Blackwidowsbite · 16/09/2026 21:09

Easilyforgotten · 16/09/2026 19:35

Who is paying for his phone? I wouldn't be giving him a single penny for anything .......

I was. When I first set up his sim I put it all in my name as it comes out of my bank monthly £10 a month. He changed all the details to his name and his emails so I couldn’t cancel it if I needed too so the payment keeps coming out, I’ve rang the provider and they cannot stop it as they need his permission as he’s the account holder, I don’t understand this because it’s my card and money it’s coming from but I’ve had to ring the bank and try and get them to block anymore of the payments they did it before but it still come out so rang them again yesterday about it.

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LittleMissFooled · 16/09/2026 21:48

Blackwidowsbite · 16/09/2026 21:09

I was. When I first set up his sim I put it all in my name as it comes out of my bank monthly £10 a month. He changed all the details to his name and his emails so I couldn’t cancel it if I needed too so the payment keeps coming out, I’ve rang the provider and they cannot stop it as they need his permission as he’s the account holder, I don’t understand this because it’s my card and money it’s coming from but I’ve had to ring the bank and try and get them to block anymore of the payments they did it before but it still come out so rang them again yesterday about it.

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Go onto your banking App and cancel the standing order.

LittleMissFooled · 16/09/2026 21:51

Blackwidowsbite · 16/09/2026 21:09

I was. When I first set up his sim I put it all in my name as it comes out of my bank monthly £10 a month. He changed all the details to his name and his emails so I couldn’t cancel it if I needed too so the payment keeps coming out, I’ve rang the provider and they cannot stop it as they need his permission as he’s the account holder, I don’t understand this because it’s my card and money it’s coming from but I’ve had to ring the bank and try and get them to block anymore of the payments they did it before but it still come out so rang them again yesterday about it.

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Did he get his monitor and PS5 back?

I think I’d be removing these from the house along with his phone until he does exactly what he’s told. I’d probably take while he sleeps. But that’s just me, I’m not advising anything as wouldn’t like to cause you any harm.

Original poster

Blackwidowsbite · 16/09/2026 21:53

LittleMissFooled · 16/09/2026 21:48

Go onto your banking App and cancel the standing order.

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Tried that and it doesn’t come up as it’s a reoccurring payment. I’m hoping this time it has sorted it.

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Original poster

Blackwidowsbite · 16/09/2026 21:54

LittleMissFooled · 16/09/2026 21:51

Did he get his monitor and PS5 back?

I think I’d be removing these from the house along with his phone until he does exactly what he’s told. I’d probably take while he sleeps. But that’s just me, I’m not advising anything as wouldn’t like to cause you any harm.

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No he didn’t has to make an appointment, I’ve told him he isn’t having games for two weeks and is grounded, so even if they come back I can block access to the internet via my router for those devices. I’m unable to get his phone as he has it close to him all the time. No chance me getting that.

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LittleMissFooled · 16/09/2026 21:57

Blackwidowsbite · 16/09/2026 21:53

Tried that and it doesn’t come up as it’s a reoccurring payment. I’m hoping this time it has sorted it.

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It will definitely be on there, most likely under direct debits if not standing order. It will show you the last payment date, click on that and then cancel. You can cancel reoccurring payments anytime.

FairViewRosie25 · 16/09/2026 22:00

I would encourage him into the services Army would be the making of him

AstonCanKissMyArse · 16/09/2026 22:11

I'm so sorry. This makes me so angry on your behalf!

I came across twp organisations today who can apparently support parents with violent children (i haven't looked into them myself but might be worth a google):

Newbold Hope
CAPA CIC

I really hope someone can give you the support you need.

SilverLining77 · 17/09/2026 07:54

FairViewRosie25 · 16/09/2026 22:00

I would encourage him into the services Army would be the making of him

I agree, but I'm afraid this may be hard with diagnoses of ND and problem behaviour in the mix.

'They said about me doing a statement and getting him charged. I don’t want to do that ☹️'

OP, with all kindness - his behaviour is abusive, manipulative and the fact that he's young adult, your son and ADHD makes no difference here. If you don't report him now, someone else will have to eventually.

SilverLining77 · 17/09/2026 08:02

I'd also consider wider family and how they deal with DS. There's also too much risk of people being split to 'sides' and drawn into the argument if you don't have one approach to his abusive behaviour.

He's at your DM now - is he abusive to her? How is she reacting to his behaviour?