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Original poster

Don’t want my 16 year old here anymore.

389 replies

Blackwidowsbite · 02/09/2026 23:16

Just that really had enough, the last 6 years have been hell, he’s disrespectful, rude, always threatens to put me on my ass, doesn’t listen to me, do as he is told, eats all the food and has no care about anyone else, he doesn’t go to school is home tutored twice a week. He has ADHD but I’m just done with it all, he refuses his meds, won’t go to his appointments, sleeps all day and is awake all night. I tried putting rules and boundaries in place and he constantly pushes them, he’s a bad influence on his siblings they are becoming like him and I’m a single mum and really struggling. He doesn’t go out, doesn’t want to do anything but play games all day every day, he spends money on my card for his games without my permission, I’ve had this for the last 6 years and I just can’t do it anymore, he is affecting my mental health and I’m constantly exhausted, he kicks off and smashes things, he tries to over power my parenting when I try and tell his siblings off or put rules in place. I don’t want him here anymore. What do I do? How do I get him out? I’m actually scared he’s going to hit me and then his siblings think it’s ok, he’s already attacked me before. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells. This isn’t a life.

Do not comment if you haven’t got anything nice to say. This isn’t even the half of what I’ve had to put up with the last 6 years!!

OP posts:
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midsummabreak · 12/09/2026 06:07

It’s good that you called it out and got help when his behaviour escalated. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time with your son and I hope you both get through this to both be in a happier position, slowly, with support What about asking social services if you can get counselling/mediation together
You are the only parent who has supported him, despite the circumstances, that means so much, and although he’s not showing any signs of recognising this, it does mean a great deal to him. Ask them what they suggest, allow time to consider all options.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 12/09/2026 07:29

You have done the only thing you reasonably could, and keep in mind that he's actively trying to hurt you.

Youve done the right thing for your other children. Don't believe him.

Sweetheart, we hear the pain and heartbreak and sheer utter exhaustion in your voice. For now, try to get through the next hour, the next half hour.

If you can, refuse to have him back. I know it hurts, but for the sake of your other children and your own sake. Even if it doesn't feel like it atm, you matter too.

Original poster
Blackwidowsbite · 12/09/2026 07:45

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 12/09/2026 07:29

You have done the only thing you reasonably could, and keep in mind that he's actively trying to hurt you.

Youve done the right thing for your other children. Don't believe him.

Sweetheart, we hear the pain and heartbreak and sheer utter exhaustion in your voice. For now, try to get through the next hour, the next half hour.

If you can, refuse to have him back. I know it hurts, but for the sake of your other children and your own sake. Even if it doesn't feel like it atm, you matter too.

Have the police coming this morning, I’ve barely slept, I’ve woken with a bad headache. They said about me doing a statement and getting him charged. I don’t want to do that ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackwidowsbite · 12/09/2026 07:47

BibbityBoppityTwo · 12/09/2026 01:40

OP, the bar for having children removed from your care is much, much higher than this. Your son might say all sorts of things, but what would the other children say? They know what he’s like and are unlikely to support any made up stories. Your situation is sadly not an isolated one, the police and other services are familiar with this sort of thing. You have done what you needed to do for the sake of the rest of your family, and ultimately also for your son.

Yes my other children will tell them what he’s like as he’s always grabbing them up and pushing them around. I feel like shit this morning, barely any sleep and my head is pounding.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackwidowsbite · 12/09/2026 07:48

midsummabreak · 12/09/2026 06:07

It’s good that you called it out and got help when his behaviour escalated. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time with your son and I hope you both get through this to both be in a happier position, slowly, with support What about asking social services if you can get counselling/mediation together
You are the only parent who has supported him, despite the circumstances, that means so much, and although he’s not showing any signs of recognising this, it does mean a great deal to him. Ask them what they suggest, allow time to consider all options.

He wouldn’t come with me to these sessions, he refuses to go to his adhd appointments or go out what so ever, so I wouldn’t have any luck trying to do this with him.

OP posts:
StuntNun · 12/09/2026 07:48

I’m sorry, OP, this sounds really worrying for you. Please be honest with the police and let them advise you on what to do.

FigAboutTheRules · 12/09/2026 08:39

You are going to need to hold firm and tell the police you can't take him back. It's the only way you will finally all get the help you need. It might even end up being best for your son if he can be placed in supported housing where trained professionals with a good ratio of staff to children. Then you can try to build contact from a distance. It's heartbreaking, Op and I'm so sorry. As a previous poster said, I've also had 5-10% of what you've experienced and it's exhausting. He is very troubled but needs to be shown by wider society that taking his anger out on you and his siblings is not ok and has consequences.

Beachtastic · 12/09/2026 08:52

This feels terrible to you now, OP, but honestly? It's the best thing for all of you.

Your son doesn't get to say who lives where. He's in the right place now, and so are you. At last!

Once you've got over the horrible shock of this, you will sleep and start to recover.

I hope you can now have a more peaceful life with your other children.

Well done.

Original poster
Blackwidowsbite · 12/09/2026 09:58

They have been round and went through a domestic abuse questionnaire, I told them what he does to his siblings and stuff, they said they have done a referral to social care.

OP posts:
Movingonup313 · 12/09/2026 10:02

Blackwidowsbite · 12/09/2026 09:58

They have been round and went through a domestic abuse questionnaire, I told them what he does to his siblings and stuff, they said they have done a referral to social care.

Well done OP. It is natural to feel guilty but you have nothing to feel guilty for. He was violent and abusive to you to children. Please re-read that last sentence. Violence and abuse is never acceptable. The police and social work are there for these situations. Its gone on too long. You need a break from this. Id be cautious about opening your door to him any time soon - custody overnight.will not be the wake.up call he needs. He needs therapy.

You did the right thing. I hope you can see that soon.

X

Radioheads · 12/09/2026 10:05

OP, there is absolutely no point in protecting him in any way.
He is abusive and very nasty.
He told you he will get his siblings removed?
I hope you told the police that.
He is nasty and abusive and a thug.

You are broken from him.
Your other children deserve better than this.
Refuse to have him back again, under any circumstances.

Honestly if you cannot protect your other children from him, would they be better elsewhere?

They deserve peace in their home.
I'm so sorry this is so hard.

User454545454546565 · 12/09/2026 10:10

If it was me I'd let him get charged.
He's crossed too many lines. Draw a line in the sand - this is what happens, DS, when you choose to behave like this.
If you don't, he'll come back to the house, carry on as before and keep taunting you. He'll also have even less respect for you (if that's possible) because he thinks he can just walk all over you.
It may be that they charge him, bail him back to you and then he does it again - at which point you really have no choice but to kick him out for the sake of the other dc.
Is he capable of understanding that/can the police get through to him?

Original poster
Blackwidowsbite · 12/09/2026 10:15

User454545454546565 · 12/09/2026 10:10

If it was me I'd let him get charged.
He's crossed too many lines. Draw a line in the sand - this is what happens, DS, when you choose to behave like this.
If you don't, he'll come back to the house, carry on as before and keep taunting you. He'll also have even less respect for you (if that's possible) because he thinks he can just walk all over you.
It may be that they charge him, bail him back to you and then he does it again - at which point you really have no choice but to kick him out for the sake of the other dc.
Is he capable of understanding that/can the police get through to him?

The police woman said today that she won’t be being nice and molly coddling him if I’ve spelt that right, she will be having words with him about what has been discussed this morning, he will be coming back later, if things happen again then I will refuse him back and call the police again, I’m hoping this is a wake up call and realises enough is enough and that how he acts and treats people and they way he speaks isn’t acceptable

OP posts:
BitterTits · 12/09/2026 10:17

It's such a shame that social services have let it come to this, OP. Nearly two weeks and no call back is not acceptable. Can you not refuse to have him back? I feel concerned for your safety.

RandomMess · 12/09/2026 10:22

I hope this triggers you all getting the help needed. The lack of support when you have been asking and flagging the issues for years is heart breaking. I cannot imagine how frightened you and your other sons have been for the last years.

You need family counselling for the rest of you too 💐

Radioheads · 12/09/2026 10:26

I think allowing him back in is a mistake.
He's threatening to mess up his siblings lives.
Completely unforgivable.
Imagine if he was successful?
You will have protected him to mess up and disrupt your other childrens lives.

He is not more important than your other children.
Though they must feel at times that he is your top priority because of how he is allowed to treat them.

I feel so sorry for them.
I would be refusing him entry.

He hasn't a scrap of respect or regard for any of you.

Easilyforgotten · 12/09/2026 10:33

It's absolutely brutal for you but now is the time to have a bag packed with essentials for him and you stand firm that he is not coming back under your roof. If you don't do it now, you never will. You feel guilt about this child, but it's time now to prioritise the other children.

Beachtastic · 12/09/2026 11:02

Please don't allow him back. What a terrifying situation. You must protect yourself and your other children.

AstonCanKissMyArse · 12/09/2026 12:18

Sending courage 💐

Please do not have him back. Nothing will change after one night away.

Your other kids need you to protect them, and you don't deserve this either.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 12/09/2026 12:28

I think myself it will have more of an impact on your oldest son if you refuse to have him back. This is the time that he will see that his actions are not acceptable.

@FigAboutTheRules ;s post today at 09:39 had an excellent suggestion. If he lives in supported housing for a while that might well be the best thing for him - he will learn a lot there.

Either way, whether he comes back or not, please keep posting if you need to. There are people here who have been through the utter heartbreak of this and

AstonCanKissMyArse · 12/09/2026 12:28

Blackwidowsbite · 12/09/2026 07:45

Have the police coming this morning, I’ve barely slept, I’ve woken with a bad headache. They said about me doing a statement and getting him charged. I don’t want to do that ☹️

Show quote history

I thought this had changed with domestic abuse, that the police decide whether to press charge, not the victim (although maybe it's different with child on parent abuse).

This organisation offers support to parents in your situation

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Get Support From PEGS | PEGS

Access support from PEGS for Child to Parent Abuse. Learn how to self refer and take the first step towards being heard, understood and supported.

https://www.pegsupport.co.uk/support-from-pegs

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 12/09/2026 15:23

Good luck OP Flowers

Original poster
Blackwidowsbite · 12/09/2026 15:54

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 12/09/2026 12:28

I think myself it will have more of an impact on your oldest son if you refuse to have him back. This is the time that he will see that his actions are not acceptable.

@FigAboutTheRules ;s post today at 09:39 had an excellent suggestion. If he lives in supported housing for a while that might well be the best thing for him - he will learn a lot there.

Either way, whether he comes back or not, please keep posting if you need to. There are people here who have been through the utter heartbreak of this and

Can they go into supported housing for a while though? Because I don’t want to sign him over to the authorities as such if that makes sense as I know a section 20 does that.

OP posts:
ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 12/09/2026 16:42

I'm not sure. You'd need to look it up - especially as there may be a shortage of appropriate housing and support in the UK. Someone upthread suggested it.

Possibly PEGS that @AstonCanKissMyArse suggested might know, or the police.

My oldest got external help and it seems to be turning him around, although a very great deal of trust was destroyed in the last years. There are no guarentees but skilled help and independent living may make the difference for your son.

I do know how utterly hard it is to scrape together the energy to take more steps up though Flowers

Lovelyworld1 · 12/09/2026 16:57

Well done OP

You have done the best thing for your son in that it will make him learn a lesson that he can’t go around bullying women and children.
you’ve done the best thing for your younger children by protecting them from him and also they will learn the consequences of their big brothers behaviour.
Please do the best for yourself
Maybe speak to your GP for a short course of sleeping tablets so you can rest.
I agree with others …. Don’t have him back as you all need a break