I had an affair and I want my affair partner to be discovered

Yes 1. For control. Your agreement to keep quiet might change if your own marriage fails or you move on from him. 2. For attention. Its nice for him to know he turns you on, that you want him, miss him, feel jealous...

Amd youre playing too "I’ve already told him I’m happy for us to cut all contact" youre baiting him.. to say oh no please dont let me lose you.. please stay in touch.. blah blah.. youre setting the stage for his monologue and smug youre getting it.

Of course you wont and cant be friends. If you mean what youve said just block him. Move on.

OP, you are being ridiculous now. Virtually every word you have written on here belies your claim that you are happy to cut all contact. You are tying yourself in knots to maintain contact, in the face of the overwhelming advice to block him. You could have done that multiple times over since you began this thread.

Instead, you are tormenting yourself with thoughts of his family day out. If you had blocked him, you wouldn't have known about it.

In this matter, you are a free agent. It looks like you have made your choice: stay, suffer and sit on a time-bomb that could explode two families at any second.

It will explode if she keeps on because the husband will find out one way or another.

Remember when you was a teenager flirting with boys doing pick me dances and then pushing them away to pull them back in. Getting jealous when another girl showed interest even though you don’t actually want him but you don’t want someone else to have him so you’ve got to mark your territory.

This is you and him right now. It’s not love. It’s a fun little game where your toying with each others emotions so feel desired. Only this like you can add the taboo that it was and is an affair. But neither of you want the other person just the exiting adrenaline from it. The thrill the fanny flutters than someone but your husband finds you sexy.

Just block him for God’s sake. Block him and move on with your life.

... and get on with your homework.

This, absolutely. Put your children first which means holding your marriage together, if this can only happen by swallowing your own guilt without burdening your poor husband, so be it.

This is total self indulgent nonsense.

Cutting him out of your life isn't impossible at all.

Many people have had people cut out of their life through illness, accidents, accident and death, and they deal with it because there's no other choice so saying it's impossible is just bullshit.

Put yoir big girl pants on and stop it.
Live, and this situation, isn't just passively happening to you - you choose your actions. So grow up and take control and end this shit.

Now block him

and once he is blocked - reread your initial opening post.

I agree with @Laura95167

Block him on all platforms. Let calls from unknown numbers go to voicemail to 'screen him out' if he's devious enough to try to 'get to you' that way.

Then put on your big girl pants and get some therapy to discover why you cheated and how solve whatever those issues are.

And start investing in your marriage.

Read those last two sentences back to yourself: "I said I’d like to be open... He is very against this and wants our meetings to remain private and confidential."
That’s your answer straight from the horse’s mouth. If it’s purely a harmless friendship now, there’s zero reason for secrecy. A genuine, innocent friendship doesn't need to be kept a secret. He isn't keeping it private to protect you; he's keeping it private so he can keep using you without answering to anyone. That is your answer straight from the horse's mouth."That tells you everything you need to know. If a guy is insisting on keeping you a 'secret' friend, he's using you on his terms while insulating himself. You shouldn't have to sneak around just to be someone's "friend". Please please please just tell him no thanks and just block this utter twat!

If you cant do this for yourself. Please put yourself in someone else shoes. Like imagine this was happening to your son or daughter. Think about how you would feel about the way they are being treated if this happened to them. What would you do and tell them?

Block him. Take back some control.

meeting in “private” would put you in the position of shagging again. Esp. With your feelings.

Stop letting him play you.

She could also get divorced. As a general rule, people in happy, fulfilled marriages don’t have affairs (that goes for AP as well as OP).

The affair obviously can’t continue indefinitely, but the alternative doesn’t have to be staying in an unhappy marriage.

I do wonder why OP seems to have blanked every suggestion of therapy…

OP, I think it's a really really bad idea to continue meeting up with this man. The boundaries are just too blurred. At any moment this could spill back into a physical relationship. And you still have feelings for him beyond what is generally accepted outside a marriage and therefore any further meetings will be a continued betrayal of your husband
It's the end of the affair. Over.
Accept this, move on and heal. Get away from this emotionally manipulative man and put all the focus on yourself and your family.
I think you'll feel so much better once you have some control over this situation.

Good on you, really hard but the only way forward

@Gemitf he's just keeping you on tap.. as soon as he falls out with his wife over something trivial he'll be up for a "lapse" - doesn't his behaviour with you suggest he's fundamentally weak and unreliable anyway?

Breadcrumbing and inconsistent availability are the most addictive rewards and keep you hooked but, as you have discovered, also feeling out of control and unhappy. If you block him you will grieve the end but there will be a sense of release. It's so hard to break the addiction and act but be strong, be brave.

Oh he knows he is!

He doesn't have to realise that he's manipulative - you do, and that's enough. I agree he's breadcrumbing you. He is not a good man, and I bet he's keeping the mistress vacancy open.

I think he is emotionally manipulative even if he doesn’t realise he is.

Quit making excuses for his disgusting behavior. He knows exactly what he is doing. The fact that you don't see this shows how manipulative he is.