I had an affair and I want my affair partner to be discovered

Sexting, proclaiming love for another person, sending deeply emotional messages... its still.an affair! An emotional affair! But seems like the 2 of ye are happy to live with the guilt of that.

I haven’t read the thread fully, but I agree with one of the first posters, you need to get therapy before taking any action. You need to cut ties with the OM as it’s just prolonging all these feelings and it isn’t going to go anywhere. If you really love your DH and want to stay with him, start seeing a therapist and work through everything you’re feeling and experiencing and maybe you can save your marriage (if you want to). I am not condoning your behaviour in any way, I don’t agree with anything you have done, but you’re in this situation now and this might be the best way to work through it without anyone getting hurt.

@Gemitf also needs to avoid unprotected sex with her DH until she has told him and they have both had STD tests.

In alot of your replies you are mentioning you dont want to lose him. You haven't actually mentioned how you feel about your own husband? You cant have your cake and eat it, you are going to blow up 2 families no matter what you do here as the truth always comes out somehow.
The other man isnt kind, loving and ready to set up happily families with you, he is a liar and a cheat and telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

JUST LET GO
You want it to go on and he doesn't. I'm not convinced by you saying he wants to keep the emotional side, I think he's still trying to let you down gently and avoid you telling his wife. I suspect that he wasn't the instigator of your affair, and that you've been the one keeping it going.

How is it revolting? Are you for real?

He is keeping up the facade of happy families while having an emotional affair with a woman he has previously been shagging.

I’d say that falls squarely under the definition of revolting - “extremely unpleasant.”

Your self worth must be on the floor to be in a position where you can say a friendly hello to a woman, while you’re with your kids and she is with hers, knowing you’ve been shagging her husband.

Well he can live with the guilt cant he? Because he did it and still isnt guilty enough to sack it off.

He is getting sex at home. What he wants to continue is the "fresh attention" where you make him feel special and sexy.

Its revolting that he just wants it all on his terms. An emotional affair that will affect his wife and you controlled and adoring in the corner. Doesnt want to lose your attention or risk you upsetting his chusty home life. Man is pig.

Id say more but you arent much better. And even you are swinging with each message from defending him and excusing your affair/future emotional entanglement plans to wanting destroy his family, like the 3 other people at home wont be broken by the selfish behaviour of your both.

You need to stop it. Forget him. Focus on you. Leave your husband or stay. But stop this he never loved anyone but himself

You are trying to pretend that he wants you but he doesn't! People who fall in love with other people are usually honest about and leave relationships to be together! He's choosing to share a bed with his wife and stay with her! He just likes that you are willing to send dirty messages to massage his ego and turn him on! Do you want that forever? To be his sexting thrill on the side!
He doesn't want more than that because if you walk out on your husband and expect him to walk out on his wife and the pair of you get a place together, he suddenly has your kids to deal with as well as his own, it won't be a clean break either especially if there's houses that need to be sold. He may have enjoyed the illicit shags but I don't think he ever wanted you or your kids.

He should feel guilty about the emotional connection too - that’s the ultimate betrayal.

its a totally selfish way to behave. He knows he is hurting her. Cake and eat it comes to mind. He won’t let her move on and heal.

Its selfish of him, to play with your emotions.
Block him, so that he his out of your life for good. He's the only benefiting from this, he's under the impression of the importance of himself that you can't live without him. So you would be dying to meet him for chats.

You need to concentrate and focus solely on yourself, move forward without confusion and give your marriage a chance.

If your marriage is over then still move forward without being used by this man.

Unfortunately rubbish men like this exist, who go home and play families and also keep someone on the side to keep them entertained.
He is an emotional abuser towards you and I don't think he'll be any better with his wife either.

I wouldn't give any time to such men, there's nothing to gain except mental health problems.
Believe in yourself that you are a better person rather than being used by a loser.
What makes you think, that you can live without him and his attention?

Oxytocin does weird things to the brain, like making you feel addicted. Do you want to be his unpaid counsellor? Tell him to put these essays in his preferred AI model.

And you don’t think he’s aware of that ? There’s an easy way to detach. Block him. He’s toying with you and you’re both deluding yourselves if you think you’ve ended the affair.

You can tell him not to contact you again? I bet that would help you slowly feel better. He's being unfair. Give it a go.

Can you find something to distract you? A new hobby, project, sports competition training. Fill the time with something else.

Block him. It'll feel harder at first, then, slowly, soooo much easier. Your child deserves the best version of you.

You are either toying with us or you believe the words of a con man. What would be your ideal outcome from this situation?

Best wishes going forward.
I hope you do find a way of detaching yourself from him.

From his side this is obviously emotional abuse, because his ego is being stroked and he's feeling a sense of importance. He's the only one benefiting.
He is playing with you. Everything is on his terms. He doesn't want a physical relationship but still wants to stay intouch for chats, until he wants to get physically involved again. He's keeping you dangling.

Try to find a hobby or anything else you can think of so that you can break away from this addiction of having to keep intouch with him.
(I don't think this is going to be easy, Oxytocin is terrible.) You are at a stage where you are feeling excited with staying intouch with him.
You are ignoring the harm this is causing you. You have to be mentally strong and believe in yourself that you are better then this. You are not going to be someone he can use.

I would emphasise, never get involved in a relationship with married men because they are not available. Some ( after they have tested the waters) will leave their marriages others will just string you along.

He is not a nice person. You don't realize this because you only see the personality that he wants to show you. He is mistreating you and his wife. He is controlling you. And I'm sure he's controlling his wife aswell.

I agree with this.
Build some resilience.

Every time you want to reply to him, think of your children finding out what has happened and the fallout of that. Ask yourself if it’s worth it. Or if they are worth more than that.

Then act accordingly.

All this emotional energy you are wasting on this loser of a man that could be spent on yourself, your children or fixing things with your husband.

Remember always op words are cheap.

He wants you on a string he sexts you amazing yeah so nice of you to send him free porn written and pictures. Doesn’t desire you enough to want actual sex anymore though remember he had that and now isn’t doesn’t want it anymore. All words.

He sends you love dovey deep messages. I bet his wife gets them as well. Those words however are pretty hollow because if he loved you and cared about you and thought you were amazing and the bees knees he would want to actually be with you. But he doesn’t he wants his wife and family with you on the side. But nothing more than emotionally he doesn’t want your hugs and kisses and sex in real only in words.

The type of man that would make a great cars sales man on commission.

His wife will of heard all the lovely things your being told about you but about her when she fell in love with him. The difference being he actually wanted to be with her openly.

He is still a lier though. A future faker. A con man. A egotistical monster. A sucker of happiness and joy. All in the aid of a wank or some sex.

While he goes home and then has sex with his wife and tells her how hard works been. How he loves her, he caresses her. He ruffles his kids hair and helps them with homework.

While you get a text and a dick pick.

He isn’t a nice man or a prize. He is a drain sucking the good from everyone to fulfil his sad sad soul.