I had an affair and I want my affair partner to be discovered

I've met a few people (men and women) like that over the years under the guise that they're just "friends"..

I know several women like this who are involved in a fairly but not always distant way with other men other than their husbands - texting, suggestive texts, the odd meeting. They won't give up. They won't block them as they say "it's giving the man more power than he deserves". They don't want to. They want that buzz of him messaging them. It brings some fun to their lives. They post on FB about their wonderful family, husband and kids publicly so the men can see. Friends of them praise them about their wonderful life -if only they knew the reality. Yes I'm looking at you ....

He knows exactly what he’s doing. And he knows you’re letting him get access to you and you emotions. He’s enjoying this op, you really need to open your eyes to this guy, look at what he’s doing to his wife, and to you, he’s not a good person - at all!

How is he manipulating you? You could just block him. You won't walk away. It's your fault that you won't do that, not him.

You need to get a good firm grip of yourself

I think he is emotionally manipulative even if he doesn’t realise he is.

Quit making excuses for his disgusting behavior. He knows exactly what he is doing. The fact that you don't see this shows how manipulative he is.

He doesn't have to realise that he's manipulative - you do, and that's enough. I agree he's breadcrumbing you. He is not a good man, and I bet he's keeping the mistress vacancy open.

Oh he knows he is!

Breadcrumbing and inconsistent availability are the most addictive rewards and keep you hooked but, as you have discovered, also feeling out of control and unhappy. If you block him you will grieve the end but there will be a sense of release. It's so hard to break the addiction and act but be strong, be brave.

@Gemitf he's just keeping you on tap.. as soon as he falls out with his wife over something trivial he'll be up for a "lapse" - doesn't his behaviour with you suggest he's fundamentally weak and unreliable anyway?

Good on you, really hard but the only way forward

OP, I think it's a really really bad idea to continue meeting up with this man. The boundaries are just too blurred. At any moment this could spill back into a physical relationship. And you still have feelings for him beyond what is generally accepted outside a marriage and therefore any further meetings will be a continued betrayal of your husband
It's the end of the affair. Over.
Accept this, move on and heal. Get away from this emotionally manipulative man and put all the focus on yourself and your family.
I think you'll feel so much better once you have some control over this situation.

She could also get divorced. As a general rule, people in happy, fulfilled marriages don’t have affairs (that goes for AP as well as OP).

The affair obviously can’t continue indefinitely, but the alternative doesn’t have to be staying in an unhappy marriage.

I do wonder why OP seems to have blanked every suggestion of therapy…

Block him. Take back some control.

meeting in “private” would put you in the position of shagging again. Esp. With your feelings.

Stop letting him play you.

Read those last two sentences back to yourself: "I said I’d like to be open... He is very against this and wants our meetings to remain private and confidential."
That’s your answer straight from the horse’s mouth. If it’s purely a harmless friendship now, there’s zero reason for secrecy. A genuine, innocent friendship doesn't need to be kept a secret. He isn't keeping it private to protect you; he's keeping it private so he can keep using you without answering to anyone. That is your answer straight from the horse's mouth."That tells you everything you need to know. If a guy is insisting on keeping you a 'secret' friend, he's using you on his terms while insulating himself. You shouldn't have to sneak around just to be someone's "friend". Please please please just tell him no thanks and just block this utter twat!

If you cant do this for yourself. Please put yourself in someone else shoes. Like imagine this was happening to your son or daughter. Think about how you would feel about the way they are being treated if this happened to them. What would you do and tell them?

I agree with @Laura95167

Block him on all platforms. Let calls from unknown numbers go to voicemail to 'screen him out' if he's devious enough to try to 'get to you' that way.

Then put on your big girl pants and get some therapy to discover why you cheated and how solve whatever those issues are.

And start investing in your marriage.

and once he is blocked - reread your initial opening post.

Now block him

This is total self indulgent nonsense.

Cutting him out of your life isn't impossible at all.

Many people have had people cut out of their life through illness, accidents, accident and death, and they deal with it because there's no other choice so saying it's impossible is just bullshit.

Put yoir big girl pants on and stop it.
Live, and this situation, isn't just passively happening to you - you choose your actions. So grow up and take control and end this shit.

This, absolutely. Put your children first which means holding your marriage together, if this can only happen by swallowing your own guilt without burdening your poor husband, so be it.

... and get on with your homework.

Just block him for God’s sake. Block him and move on with your life.