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Elderly parents

Should my 90 year old mother have to accept intimate care from a man?

129 replies

Hakifadi · 21/10/2026 18:30

My mother has just broken her right (dominant) wrist. The hospital said that they could offer 2-3 weeks of care visits whilst she gets accustomed to using her left arm. We agreed that it would be useful to have someone to help her wash every day. The response was that they couldn't promise that it wouldn't be a man. So, she refused. Should a 90 year old woman have to accept intimate care from a man?

OP posts:
jupiter2000 · 23/10/2026 11:50

Wickesisgoodenoughforme · 22/10/2026 13:33

Rubbish. We should be able to choose.

In an ideal world we would be able to choose but it is so hard to get reliable staff that agencies and firms cannot promise everyone the carer they wish. Also the same with foreign carers , some elderly people want those with the same nationality or religion as them but due to lack of staff it is impossible to cater to each individual client.

MysterOfwomanY · 23/10/2026 14:07

My ER has carers in (that she pays for) to look after her.
The standard is that intimate care is done by female carers. But rarely, the only carer they have free is male. Fortunately, she knows them already from lunch and teatime visits, and they are experienced and professional - so they help her while "averting their eyes" as much as practicable.

I think for myself I'd want to know and pre-approve male carers if they were providing intimate care for me. Random agency workers, female only.

Cushionthefloor · 23/10/2026 17:56

This was one of the benefits of paying for private care, Mil wasn't put in that position. Choice is what you give up when you deprive yourself of assets to get NHS/LA free care. Those with no funds, get no choice. It's terrible.

plumstoprunes · 23/10/2026 19:27

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/10/2026 12:55

That way lies the Taliban.

what? what does this even mean?
can you explain?

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