Page 3 | Divorce solidarity thread - June 2026

ecologist111444 · 11/07/2026 15:29

@Gingerbread987 how old is your child?

ecologist111444 · 11/07/2026 16:19

@Gingerbread987 I hope you don’t mind me asking but are you and your husband still intimate?

Original poster

Gingerbread987 · 11/07/2026 17:59

ecologist111444 · 11/07/2026 15:28

Yeah we have spoken loads. No one chooses to be in this position of course. We have had some massive arguments as well. My wife is a very high earner whilst I earn a decent salary. I am just at a point at the age of 47 looking around thinking is this it? I can’t be in a marriage with no sex or intimacy. We aren’t a match sexually.

How long has this been going on for you?

she’s only 2, she seems so little. I’m a child of divorced parents and I’m so scared for her future.

we haven’t been for a couple of months.

how old is your daughter

OP posts:

ecologist111444 · 11/07/2026 18:36

Going on on and off for a few years I would say. Ah bless your daughter, so young. My daughter has just turned 13.

Original poster

Gingerbread987 · 11/07/2026 20:04

ecologist111444 · 11/07/2026 18:36

Going on on and off for a few years I would say. Ah bless your daughter, so young. My daughter has just turned 13.

has there been a final straw or a build up? Have you tried anything along the way?

13 is a tricky age

OP posts:

ecologist111444 · 11/07/2026 23:07

It’s been a build up rather than a final straw. We have tried everything but we are both done.
Yes I agree. 13 is a v tricky age. I am dreading having to tell her.

ecologist111444 · 11/07/2026 23:23

@Gingerbread987 we don’t hug or touch or kIss in anyway. I don’t think we have kissed for like 3/4 years.

ecologist111444 · 12/07/2026 00:05

@Gingerbread987 what was your experience as a child experiencing your parents divorce?

Original poster

Gingerbread987 · 12/07/2026 04:02

ecologist111444 · 11/07/2026 23:07

It’s been a build up rather than a final straw. We have tried everything but we are both done.
Yes I agree. 13 is a v tricky age. I am dreading having to tell her.

So are you both in agreement?

my parents divorce was awful, and still affects me to this day. I think that’s my biggest fear at the moment.

OP posts:

MadeItThroughTheRain · 12/07/2026 11:30

Gingerbread987 · 10/07/2026 18:11

You’re very welcome!
what’s your story?
My husband said this morning that he loves me very much - but he still wants a divorce. This is the third time he’s told me he is unhappy but previously I had post natal depression and couldn’t really take it on board. The anger is starting to come through now, surely if he did love me (and also our child) then he’d at least try? What do you all think?

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Sorry you are going through this @Gingerbread987
I have been through divorce so although I'm not currently in your situation I hope I can offer some words of advice.
I'm sure your husband does still love you but it's probably more a fond love, like a sibling, mother of his child etc. It's clearly not enough to keep him in the marriage. In my experience men will often stay in a marriage until they find another person to go to, be aware that your husband may already be out there/online looking, despite the cuddles. After divorce I found the dating world full of men who said they were sort of married but not really. They don't have the courage to actually leave without another pair of arms to fall into. Your husband sounds like he is currently coasting, having the nice warmth of a family until he's ready to leave.
My advice would be to start controlling the narrative. You are in a vulnerable position if he is the higher earner and you are the main carer. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Check all your benefit entitlements, you can claim whilst living together but separated, seek legal advice etc. I also would not be sharing a bed with a man who has told me he wants a divorce several times and has left me out of his 10 year plan! You are making life far too comfortable for him.
You could both consider counselling but I suspect he has already made his mind up.
Sending you lots of support op. You will be ok.

ecologist111444 · 12/07/2026 15:34

@Gingerbread987 I hope you don’t mind but I’ve sent you a private message. Yes we are.

ecologist111444 · 12/07/2026 15:48

@Gingerbread987 ahhh I’m so sorry to hear that:( If you don’t mind me asking what why was it so awful? At one point, our arguing was so bad that our 12 year old daughter told us to either stop or to break up!

ecologist111444 · 12/07/2026 16:00

@Flapjak I am so, so sorry to hear that you’re going through this, it’s so tough isn’t. In general terms I try to keep myself busy with exercise and catching up friends.

ecologist111444 · 12/07/2026 16:16

@Flowersandthorns so sorry to hear that. Is it definitely over for you and your husband?

PinkFloMingo · 13/07/2026 10:39

Gingerbread987 · 16/06/2026 14:12

Hoping for some solidarity here.
my husband told me this morning that he wants a divorce - I’m heartbroken. Things had been rocky for a while, but I was optimistic.
anyone else in the same boat who’d like to keep me company through the process?

Hi Gingerbread
I'm in a similar situation. My husband ended it a couple of weeks ago.
I too have been to the doctors and been given some meds, and then they had to up them.
I've yet to finish reading through the lovely comments you have had so far to your original post.
Just wanted to say hi 👋

Flapjak · 13/07/2026 10:51

PinkFloMingo · 13/07/2026 10:39

Hi Gingerbread
I'm in a similar situation. My husband ended it a couple of weeks ago.
I too have been to the doctors and been given some meds, and then they had to up them.
I've yet to finish reading through the lovely comments you have had so far to your original post.
Just wanted to say hi 👋

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Sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment pinkflo and sounds like it must have come as a huge shock? I am finding it most helpful to just try and stay in the present day as much as possible unless there is something I need to think/talk about . Yesterday it was around planning a holiday for the kids and that was really hard, as we are amicable but not really talking much at the moment, unsure if should do a joint holiday for sake of children which in the future would hope would be achievable but at the moment feels too hard and probably would end up being a disaster.

Original poster

Gingerbread987 · 13/07/2026 22:17

MadeItThroughTheRain · 12/07/2026 11:30

Sorry you are going through this @Gingerbread987
I have been through divorce so although I'm not currently in your situation I hope I can offer some words of advice.
I'm sure your husband does still love you but it's probably more a fond love, like a sibling, mother of his child etc. It's clearly not enough to keep him in the marriage. In my experience men will often stay in a marriage until they find another person to go to, be aware that your husband may already be out there/online looking, despite the cuddles. After divorce I found the dating world full of men who said they were sort of married but not really. They don't have the courage to actually leave without another pair of arms to fall into. Your husband sounds like he is currently coasting, having the nice warmth of a family until he's ready to leave.
My advice would be to start controlling the narrative. You are in a vulnerable position if he is the higher earner and you are the main carer. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Check all your benefit entitlements, you can claim whilst living together but separated, seek legal advice etc. I also would not be sharing a bed with a man who has told me he wants a divorce several times and has left me out of his 10 year plan! You are making life far too comfortable for him.
You could both consider counselling but I suspect he has already made his mind up.
Sending you lots of support op. You will be ok.

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Thank you, although this isn’t what I want to hear…it does help

OP posts:

Original poster

Gingerbread987 · 13/07/2026 22:18

PinkFloMingo · 13/07/2026 10:39

Hi Gingerbread
I'm in a similar situation. My husband ended it a couple of weeks ago.
I too have been to the doctors and been given some meds, and then they had to up them.
I've yet to finish reading through the lovely comments you have had so far to your original post.
Just wanted to say hi 👋

Show quote history

Hi 👋 welcome! I hope you find some solidarity here, I have to say it’s been helpful to me already

OP posts:

beingtakenforafool · 16/07/2026 02:33

been 3.5 months since he left, Ow became official within 4 weeks of leaving and he is a different person and we are not on talking terms ( have thread with lots info) in many ways I am better now and def realise in the long run I will be better off without him. I put up with a lot and also made me react badly at times. I loved him very much but that wasn’t enough and I now realise I lost a lot of me.
I have reached out to friends and caught up with others not seen for a while , sat and cried and grieved plenty as well. I have a little book with plans for the future and things I want to do. I am still taking each day as it comes but def more good days than bad. my advice lean on safe people wether thats friends or family and start to think about what you want for your future

LilyDaisyRoseFern · 16/07/2026 13:21

Gingerbread987 · 03/07/2026 11:44

wow, that’s so brave! I admire your courage.

thank you so much - apparently I have been on a child’s dose up until now!

I hope the anxiety meds are helping Ginger ? Handhold & Hugs🤗

LilyDaisyRoseFern · 16/07/2026 14:16

mummy917 · 28/06/2026 19:10

My husband told me 3 months ago that he wasn’t sure he wanted to continue with our marriage. I like you, was absolutely devastated. He moved out last weekend but over time I have started to have more good days than bad and I never thought I’d get to this point.

I have seen a side to him I didn’t know existed over these last 3 months, it’s unbelievable.

Sending you lots of love and strength xx

I have seen your threads in relationships I think mummy917, from when he blindsided you.

Glad to hear you are taking steps to move on from this sad excuse of a man, and have filed for divorce. Did you ever find out if it was the affair script? or did he just want to abscond from family life and go back to Peter Panhood?

hugs

LilyDaisyRoseFern · 16/07/2026 14:41

Trampauline · 08/07/2026 18:28

Same boat here too. It was me who instigated the split, not married but been together 30 years. I'd been unhappy for a while. Feel like he has let me down so much in our life together for various reasons and I massively resent him. Living together until we can sell the house. Not great.

Similar situation here @Trampauline

Us being the ones to pull the plug does not make it any easier either re the separation, they practically force us into it with their actions

Mine is a verbal abuser as well on top of checking out and being unavailable in all ways that matter (except when he wanted sex)

LilyDaisyRoseFern · 16/07/2026 14:43

Sounds very much like your husband has given you the script OP

I suspect an OW has turned his head

LilyDaisyRoseFern · 16/07/2026 14:50

Flapjak · 10/07/2026 17:29

I am just trying to get through each day and keep distracted . If I think about past I start to think what I / we could have have differently to not get to this point ,which is upsetting if I think too far ahead in the future then there is the feeling of loss of that too,. At the moment we are stuck with each other until we sell the house so any tips on staying sane, communication, boundaries would be helpful for me , I am finding i can barely talk to him at the moment as having small talk with someone you have known and cared about for decades is horrible and leaves me feeling really disconnected

Yes this limbo being stuck in the same house till DC turn 18 for another 18 months is the worst part for me - being disconnected from someone almost totally who was once my whole world for all my 20s , my 30s and my early 40s too !!

LilyDaisyRoseFern · 16/07/2026 14:52

Adviceseeker35 · 03/07/2026 15:10

I had free counselling at work after he said he was leaving me in February. And my husband genuinely couldnt understand why I needed it. I've now got a doctors appointment booked as he and his mistress stayed together in a hotel Sunday night then he came home as normal the next day happily chatting expecting normal family life . Its really shaken me up.

They've got a holiday booked now and she is officially being called his girlfriend.

Does anyone have any recommendations of any lower cost solicitors. I spoke to one and its more than I can afford. And given what he's done I feel like I need professional support.

This is so shocking to read @Adviceseeker35 , how dare your H carry on an affair and still expect normal family life at home?

I really hope you have managed to find a way to kick him out