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Original poster

Poking holes in condoms!

453 replies

condomgate · 20/10/2026 11:43

Just to make it absolutely clear, this isn’t about DH and I.

My friend is 3 months pregnant, her husband is in shock because they were using condoms every time and not one split.

She’s just admitted to me that she used a pin to poke holes in them. Now call me naive but one, I thought that a tiny pin hole would not be able to get somebody pregnant and also I think this is a crime? I’m disgusted with her and I did tell her that.

Regular poster, name changed.

DH and I are good friends with her and her DH and I just don’t feel okay about this. I feel like she’s done something so wrong that I want to avoid them for as long as possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
condomgate · 20/10/2026 13:53

It’s not a clickbait thread! MN can confirm I’ve been on here as a regular poster for years!

To answer some questions, she told me she poked the hole through the actual wrappers, she didn’t unwrap them.

She hasn’t replied to me since I text her back telling her that what she’s done isn’t okay although she’s read it, I have no interest in telling him as I’m not one to interfere in peoples relationships.

They have 3 children under 7, one is autistic and non verbal.

OP posts:
Original poster
condomgate · 20/10/2026 13:55

I haven’t read all of the replies yet but I absolutely agree with those who say if this was a man doing it to a woman, there would be uproar and to the person who posted about aborting, you do realise the emotional and physical toll that can take on a woman yes?

She is my friend but she is wrong on this and I won’t not call out shit behaviour, even if they are my friends.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 20/10/2026 13:56

She's totally wrong and it sounds like they may well have their hands full with the children they already have. I can totally understand your reasoning in not wanting to talk to him about it, but personally she would not be my friend anymore.

BensonAndStabler · 20/10/2026 13:57

LeedsLoiner · 20/10/2026 13:22

At what point does the OP say that he was stringing her along?
A lot of overactive imaginations on here adding stuff about the man involved that isn't in the OP's comment.

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No, the OP didn't mention this, I should have been clearer.

It's a number of OPs who are imagining "contexts" in which this behaviour could be excused and condoned. I don't believe it can ever be condoned.

Edited to add final sentence.

Cherrytree86 · 20/10/2026 13:57

AgeingMillennial · 20/10/2026 12:36

Same.

I think if you’re happily settled with a man who didn’t mess you around, you just won’t get it.

I’ve been lucky but I have many friends in this position. Most of the kids are ‘accidental’ ones.

I wouldn’t put myself through the anguish of lifelong childlessness just to be the ‘bigger person’ here.

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@AgeingMillennial

you don’t need to. You can leave and find another man. Not trick the one you have into impregnating you against his will.

randomchap · 20/10/2026 13:59

3 children under 7, one non verbal? I can see why he didn't want another.

FunAtParties · 20/10/2026 13:59

Shoobadadoo · 20/10/2026 12:44

Well he hasn’t been tricked had he. It wasn’t like he was unknowingly having sex in sleep.

He was voluntarily having sex which is the core action for reproduction

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He was unknowingly having unprotected sex.
Contrary to popular belief on this site, sex can be fun. Shock horror it’s not just for reproduction 🙄

Floppyearedlab · 20/10/2026 13:59

She’s disgusting. And I bet he is the one providing for them all.

Hellohelga · 20/10/2026 14:03

Did she poke multiple holes? Didn’t he notice? Dont think one small hole would be enough to get pregnant as the sperm wouldn’t have the oomph to travel where it needs to get. Could she have had sex with someone else?

LoveItaly · 20/10/2026 14:05

VinegarBinegar · 20/10/2026 11:53

If you don’t want kids, and you’re married to a woman who does, you need to have a vasectomy.

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At the very least find a trustworthy woman.

SummerAsh · 20/10/2026 14:05

Hellohelga · 20/10/2026 14:03

Did she poke multiple holes? Didn’t he notice? Dont think one small hole would be enough to get pregnant as the sperm wouldn’t have the oomph to travel where it needs to get. Could she have had sex with someone else?

Edited

Presumably by putting a hole through the packet too!

Cherrytree86 · 20/10/2026 14:06

FunAtParties · 20/10/2026 13:59

He was unknowingly having unprotected sex.
Contrary to popular belief on this site, sex can be fun. Shock horror it’s not just for reproduction 🙄

Show quote history

No one on mumsnet has sex for fun! It’s for reproductive purposes only

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 20/10/2026 14:07

randomchap · 20/10/2026 13:59

3 children under 7, one non verbal? I can see why he didn't want another.

Yes, so can I.

This woman was being very selfish indeed.

Hellohelga · 20/10/2026 14:07

SummerAsh · 20/10/2026 14:05

Presumably by putting a hole through the packet too!

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Yes I saw that so edited. I’m still not buying it though,

SummerAsh · 20/10/2026 14:08

condomgate · 20/10/2026 13:53

It’s not a clickbait thread! MN can confirm I’ve been on here as a regular poster for years!

To answer some questions, she told me she poked the hole through the actual wrappers, she didn’t unwrap them.

She hasn’t replied to me since I text her back telling her that what she’s done isn’t okay although she’s read it, I have no interest in telling him as I’m not one to interfere in peoples relationships.

They have 3 children under 7, one is autistic and non verbal.

That’s shocking… What was her motivation? She is as insane and she is unscrupulous.

I wonder how @AgeingMillennial and @DebbieSavage will twist that to be the man’s fault?

Ved · 20/10/2026 14:09

condomgate · 20/10/2026 11:43

Just to make it absolutely clear, this isn’t about DH and I.

My friend is 3 months pregnant, her husband is in shock because they were using condoms every time and not one split.

She’s just admitted to me that she used a pin to poke holes in them. Now call me naive but one, I thought that a tiny pin hole would not be able to get somebody pregnant and also I think this is a crime? I’m disgusted with her and I did tell her that.

Regular poster, name changed.

DH and I are good friends with her and her DH and I just don’t feel okay about this. I feel like she’s done something so wrong that I want to avoid them for as long as possible.

That is disgusting behaviour. The first response says 'meh! So what?' Unbelievable! Imagine if a man did this in order to get a woman pregnant against her wishes? Good grief.

Arlanymor · 20/10/2026 14:09

Cherrytree86 · 20/10/2026 14:06

No one on mumsnet has sex for fun! It’s for reproductive purposes only

Show quote history

😂

Arlanymor · 20/10/2026 14:12

All these posters saying: "Surely he would notice?"

Well he didn't! She could have put it on. They could have had sex in the dark. A literal pinprick (no pun intended) is all it takes to render a condom useless and yes you can damage a condom through the wrapper. It can be really hard to detect if a condom has been sabotaged - just google it if you don't believe me.

DebbieSavage · 20/10/2026 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

brunettemic · 20/10/2026 14:14

There’s a term for that and it’s reproductive coercion. It’s legally recognised as controlling or coercive behaviour and is a serious crime.

NoodleQueen90 · 20/10/2026 14:14

VinegarBinegar · 20/10/2026 13:48

You’d discussed only having one child together before having your son though. What if you’d agreed to having two, and it was very important to you to the extent that you’d have ended the relationship and found another partner if he said only one, and then he’d changed his mind?

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People are allowed to change their mind and that's when further discussions are needed...I just don't ever think it's right to trick someone into having a child they may not want. In the scenario you've described, my options would be to agree to only having 1 child or to leave and have a second with someone else. I would not take it upon myself to stop contraception and hope he felt differently once I was pregnant.
As it happens, I did fall pregnant again completely unplanned when DS was 11 months. He was a bit stressed to begin with re finances/living arrangements but once we came up with a plan, he actually was excited. That pregnancy ended in a second trimester miscarriage which we were and are still both devastated about and ultimately it hasn't changed his position on the future and trying again.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 20/10/2026 14:15

purplecorkheart · 20/10/2026 11:59

I wonder would people feel the same if he interfered with her pill and she became and she became a parent against her will.

Exactly what I was about to say. It would be considered a form of abuse, whether it was getting a woman who was ttc to take the pill or substituting a pill for a different tablet to manipulate a pregnancy. It's just typical MN bias to assume the man is somehow at fault and try to defend a woman's actions no matter how immoral

Sussexserpents · 20/10/2026 14:16

AgeingMillennial · 20/10/2026 12:14

Stringing women along is so cruel and irresponsible that I just don’t care. I know SO many men who have done this. Who now happily have the families they ‘weren’t sure if they wanted’ with a younger woman while his ex is 45 and childless not by choice.

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Why did you just assume they were being strung along? Have you changed your opinion now you know they have 3 children?

TheDenimPoet · 20/10/2026 14:18

AgeingMillennial · 20/10/2026 11:44

Meh.

Do they have kids? What’s the situation?

Don’t blame her if he’s strung her along for years or similar

Seriously? What would you say if a man came inside you and got you pregnant without your consent?

It's the same.

Original poster
condomgate · 20/10/2026 14:20

People on here crack me up, why on earth would I lie about my friend poking holes in condoms to trick her husband into having another baby? 😂

Mumsnet, please confirm that I’ve been on here for years and have just name changed.

OP posts: