Poking holes in condoms!

What I don’t get about this is if she has put holes in the condoms why risk telling anyone? Surely you’d keep it to yourself in case your husband ever found out!

It’s a dreadful thing to do, but I don’t doubt people do do it more frequently than we realise.

I guess it does if guy can evidence that she claimed she was on the pill, that he only agreed to sleep with her without additional prophylaxis on that basis, and that she intentionally lied/misled - the issue that all of that is hard to prove.

In direct correlation, my Mum had to show my bio dad her pill packet as proof that she had taken it, and she deliberately flushed the pills so that he would be misled and her express intention was absolutely to get pregnant and try to trap him into marrying her. She was brazen about it - and perhaps the laws were different back then(1968/9) - but as I understand it if a women were to do that today, it would absolutely be assault because she has deprived him of the ability to give informed consent.

I agree - the UK is a bit of an outlier in having a separate "by penis" offence.

Precisely. Posters glibly proclaiming that women can't be convicted of rape due to not having a penis - as if it is a get out of jail free card - have missed the point

Ughh that’s grim. I’m glad you told her so!

No one has said that. OP's friend has acted awful but she is not a rapist. It is pretty offensive to women who have been raped, in the legal sense of the term so by a penis and without their consent, to have it said it is the same as what was probably an enjoyable and consensual sex act. A pin hole in a condom is not rape.

Even if its a man doing it to a woman?

Assuming the hypothetical woman in this equation wasn't in a hostage situation and able to leave a relationship where she wasn't getting what she wanted, rather than entrap someone?

But it wasn't. This thread is about a woman poking holes in a condom.

They can be convicted of rape if they assist a man in raping somebody, ie holding them down so the crime can take place.

But that’s not what’s happening here…

I would not be friends with anyone male or female that did this to their partner. It’s illegal. It’s immoral. It’s non consensual- he is actively taking precautions and he’s taking responsibility for the contraception and she is just literally breaking his trust in every possible way. I would 100% tell her partner. I would also be prepared for my friendship to end.

But if it was. If a man pokes holes in, or removes a condom without a womans knowledge, is that rape? If it is then it must be an equally serious offence the other way round right? One might even say worse as a woman at least has the option of terminating an unwanted pregnancy, and a man doesnt.

Rape is defined by the use of a penis inserted into someone else without their consent.
OP's friend does not have a penis, so she can not be a rapist.

While I agree it isn't rape in a UK legal sense, I don't think its offensive to call it "rape" in a colloquial sense.

Some (few) countries have laws that say "rape" can only be by penis.
Others don't have the "by penis" condition.
Others don't have an offence specifically called "rape" (e.g. it could fall under an offence called Sexual Assault).

This is awful. Why on earth does your friend want another child? She already has enough on her plate.

You can't tell anyone, op, difficult though it is.

I feel appalled at her sabotaging their contraception.

My main source of shock here is that people don’t understand small sperm are.

Abysmal behaviour. I’d not want to be friends with her either.

I assume you agree that women can be rapists, it just depends what country their in at the time they commit the act, and the UK's something of a safe harbor?

If you are trying to drag trans issues into this, then I am not going to bite.
Rape, by law, is the non consensual penetration by a penis into the vagina, anus, or mouth.
I am assuming OP is in the UK.

I've posted nothing about trans issues?

I'm pointing out that if your position is "an act is only rape if the law says its rape", then you believe that women can be rapists - just not while they're in the UK.

I can’t agree with this, sorry. As someone who has successfully used condoms for years, and having immediately become pregnant when not using them, I would not want to go chopping my body up because I can’t trust my DH to use a condom as we had both agreed. I think if my DH did this to me, nobody would be saying “why hadn’t you got yourself sterilised” - why would I (and why would this man) feel the need to do that when condoms have been working all this time? It wasn’t a condom failure, it was a deliberate act of sabotage by his wife that he should be able to trust.

Honestly, I think it would be a bit offensive to tell an overseas victim of a sexual offense, whose attacker was duly prosecuted for rape, "well you weren't really raped because British law says..."

1. Even used perfectly condoms are only 95% effective if used perfectly. NHS says real world its more like 82-87% so yes pink pricks easily work
2. Its a crime. Its like stealthing because it wasnt consented to. Shes vile.

Why the circular nonsense? It's not rape - it's serious sexual assault. Get over it. Move on.

Ha, have you been a victim of that and told the same?

What is the difference between a woman removing contraception without her partner knowing and the difference between a man removing contraception without his partner knowing?