Poking holes in condoms!

I swear people defending or excusing this are on another shitting planet.

It's a massively fucked up thing to do regardless of circumstance and I absolutely would be telling the bloke.

It could be prosecuted as sexual assault if a man did it to a woman, but somehow according to MN if a woman does it, it’s perfectly acceptable because somehow her need to be pregnant trumps everything.

My boyfriend fell down the stairs and broke his leg. Who's responsible?

My boyfriend was standing at the top of the stairs. I thought it would be funny to give him a shove. It was pretty funny to see him fall down those stairs, and now he's got a broken leg LOL. Who's responsible for that?

So if he interfered with her pill and she got pregnant it would be fine because accidents sometimes happen with the pill too?
Thought not.

There are very few true 'accidents'
Of course, no contraception is 100% effective but used consistently and correctly, there are those that are pretty close.
A genuine accident shouldn't have any blame attached 🤷‍♀️

Everyone who has excused this behaviour is abhorrent. It's illegal and I hope he finds out and she gets all she deserves. What a piece of work.

What happened next?

@condomgate ?

Screenshot that text message.

Because if she deletes it and you do tell your husband and then there's no proof, all hell will break loose.

Protect yourself here. Seriously. You don't need to use that screenshot unless she starts calling yourself a liar, but it's wise to just protect yourself.

I hope your friend’s husband has the snip after this as your friend may be tempted to go for a fifth….

Did you read what I was replying to? It was made incredibly clear that the woman wouldn’t abort if she got pregnant, they broke up over it, and he still had sex with her?

You are right. Totally different scenarios.

Actually even with tubes tied some babies have been born. Very odd, but it does happen. Nowadays the hospital tie themselves up in making sure that they don't bear responsibility.

According to the NHS it's 99% effective if used properly.

I remember a thread in which a woman who carried a very serious congenital condition (so 50% chance of her child inheriting it) used condoms but whoops, one of them split and she had a baby. Then not long afterwards, whoops another one split and she went ahead with a 2nd baby. Yeah right. Some people are just unbelievably selfish.

If you poke a hole in a condom it'll usually split, I had a friend long ago who tried that stunt. Unless they've changed the way they make them. I struggle to believe that not one of them did. I don't think your friend is telling you everything.

Makes me wish we had tried some these theories when we were ttc! Might have helped the pool of knowledge.

If they weren't so expensive these days I'd say grab a cucumber and a pack of 3 for an experiment.

How is it not the same? If a man believes he is having protected sex because he doesn’t want to be a father, what’s the difference? Is it because he could walk away? What if that’s not something he would do? Equally, a woman could get emergency contraception. Very little difference between to two things.

She left him about 2 years later. Couldn’t get over the feeling that he’d strung her along.

She’s childless but with someone else who’s lovely, but she couldn’t get over the betrayal she felt from the second guy telling her at 42 he’d changed his mind.

She thought she’d stay with him then because she loved him and thought she’d wouldn’t be able to meet someone else, form a relationship and have kids- which I think was what he wanted her to do, but then she found she just couldn’t get over it.

Jesus christ this is seriously not OK!
I would be exactly the same as you OP and would no longer be friends.

As for a how could it - simple answer is size a pin prick is between 0.4-0.9mm the width of a sperm is 0.0025 - 0.0035mm meaning plenty can get through without noticing.

😂

Don't get involved OP!
Distance yourself by all means if her morals don't align with yours anymore. Thats your perogative to be able to leave the friendship if it no longer works for you but stay out of their relationship. The messenger gets shot for a reason!

OPs already involved because she knows. If it comes out and your hubby finds out will you then say you knew and didn’t tell him or continue the lie.

I would tell your DH immediately and tell your friend she’s out you and your hubby in a horrific situation. If she can’t keep her own ridicolous secret she can’t expect you or your hubby to.

on the other hand her DH should absolutely have had a vasectomy but that does not excuse the deception

To "walk away" he would have to stop living (more than half time) with his current 3 children. He'd have to buy or rent a new home, big enough to have 4 children to stay during his custody share. Or if not doing that, he'd have to pay maintenance. He might have to pay her a divorce settlement. He'd have to become the sole carer during his periods with the children, which might well affect his work. He'd have to accept the unhappiness all this is likely to cause the children. And on and on.

My friend was conceived in a similar way, not quite sure of the details but my friend’s mum admitted to her that she’d known her partner didn’t want kids and “tricked him” into it. Her partner left her soon afterwards and my friend grew up wondering why her dad was never bothered about her until her mum finally dropped the bombshell.
She never forgave her mum and it ruined their relationship.