Poking holes in condoms!

How can anyone actually be ‘strung along’ anyway? They just clearly didn’t want a baby with you, and that’s fine. If you were happy to stick your head in the sand and hope they’d miraculously change their mind, that’s your issue. People should have more pride and find someone who actually wants a baby with them. It’s not a god-given right after a certain amount of time passes

And yes to PPs above, 'accidental' pregnancies are almost always questionably 'accidental'.

I agree that calling this “rape” isn't helpful, and that its definition should remain as penetration with a penis without consent.

That doesn’t mean that deceiving someone about contraception isn’t an appalling thing to do, and I think it should be illegal… It’s just not rape.

What 😂 you don't remove the condom from its packet!

Perhaps, but in the heat of the moment, are you going to notice? And maybe she opened up the packet?

Also the 'strung along woman' has a choice! No one is 'strung along' against their will. It's totally up to them to leave.

She's obviously in the wrong here, and I would have trouble continuing the friendship with this huge burden of a secret she has given you to carry.

I would understand her motivation if this was their first pregnancy and he had been stringing her along for years on the promise of eventually having a child, though it would still be wrong under those circumstances. But having three children already, including one with special needs, and knowing that this will create extra hardship for the family in terms of moving and financial stress, I have zero sympathy for her.

Thissssssss

Thank GOD you changed your name! I may have worked out who this woman is!! 😂😂😂

Could you imagine if a man poked holes in the condoms so he could have a 4th baby the wife didn't want?!

The replies would be SO different than most that are on this thread. I cannot believe so many don't think that this is a huge deal and sexual assault too!

Just because they have 3 kids already that does not mean she can force him in to having a 4th just because she wants another!

She’s said she hasn’t been personally, but knows people that have been…

Your friend already has one child with high needs, so therefore the risk of this fourth child, also having high needs increases.

She has taken her husband's choice away from him, and decided herself that she is having a fourth child, regardless of her husband's feelings. I have to assume that her husband isn't onboard with having a fourth child?

It's never justifiable to sabotage contraception or to deliberately make the chances of pregnancy higher. It's wrong on so many levels.

I don't think you can involve yourself with this situation. I wouldn't tell your husband either, because he may tell your friend's husband. It's a can on worms, that you don't need any part in opening.

In fairness 95% of the posts on this thread agree that the woman was unreasonable.

There are only a handful who can’t accept that a woman can be at fault, and have to blame the man.

I do think there is such a thing as stringing someone along. It's one thing if one person is clear from the start that they may not ever want children, but some people pretend they do want kids but that the time just isn't right yet. Only problem is the time is never right because they don't actually want children at all. The answer obviously isn't to trick someone into getting pregnant, but I can understand why some women in long-term committed relationships may feel the impulse to do something like this. It's not quite the same when you already have children and simply would like another.

If they were using condoms it is completely irrelvent what the circumstances were.
The husband thought they were using contraception, the wife knew not.
How on earth could somebody do that to a person they profess to love?!
I feel so dreadfully sorry for him, and the OP - what a position to be put in.
Not only is the wife a liar and completely untrustworthy, she has absolutely no shame.

Given your updates OP, yes she is being unreasonable. She’s not acting in the best interests of her existing children either.

I’d screenshot the message, show my DH and distance myself.

My friend had a last ditch attempt at 40 to start a family. She’d been in her previous relationship for 10 years and he kept saying when we get the house sorted, when we change jobs, after lockdown…she eventually left. Met someone else on a dating app, filtered based on him wanting kids, had the discussion on the first date…he really wanted a family. After 18 months he told her he’d changed his mind and he didn’t see kids in his future. She met an ex of his six months later and he’d done the same to her.

Honestly I don’t know what more she could have done with the second guy.

@Whatwerewetalkingabout
She may have done it for bigger/ better housing
Where I live the HA built a block of 2/3 bedroom flats
One of the tenants said to our Housing Officer that she didn't want what she'd been given (2 large bedroomed flat) she wanted one of the houses with a garden on the cul-de-sac where I live and that she was going to get pregnant and when it started to show would knock on doors to ask if anyone would like to swop?
He told her no-one would swop
But she got pregnant and tried standing on the houses doorsteps ( remember it well) and really sticking her belly out/clutching her back. She got a lot of short shrift
Now has 3 kids (2 boys 1 girl)
In a 2 bedroom flat

No contraception is 100 % effective unless vasectomy or tubes tied. Accident can and do happen. So who gets the blame if it IS an accident?

"He took legal advice on his situation which confirmed he'd been tricked"

Uh-huh 🤣

Gotta love the victim blaming on here. It's a totally different story tho if somebody says "she shouldn't have dressed provocatively if she didn't want male attention."

@Dollymylove A genuine accident? Well both partners are of course then jointly responsible.

Wow, imagine if this was the other way around!

"Bitterness". How nasty of you.

If this has happened to her, as it did to me, then she'll have had her heart broken and her hope stolen drop by drop.

I would never sabotage contraception. But fgs, accusing someone of being "bitter" after the pain she's probably been put through.