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DS has been uninvited from a sleepover and I don’t know what to tell him

206 replies

TryingNotToMakeItWorse · Today 15:19

DS is in year 6, 10 but turns 11 next month. One of his closest friends is having a sleepover next weekend for her birthday and invited him along with 5 other girls. He’s the only boy.

He’s always got on better with girls really. He’s got a couple of boy mates but theyre more school friends if that makes sense, whereas the girls are who he actually wants to spend time with outside school. He’s been friends with this particular girl since year 3 and they’ve been to each others houses loads of times, so it’s not like they’ve only just started hanging about together.

Anyway he was invited last week. They were going to have pizza, watch films and all sleep in the living room.

Yesterday the mum messaged me saying she’d had a conversation with one of the other mums who wasnt comfortable with her DD staying overnight if a boy was there. Apparently she’d not really thought about it before but had decided she was going to make it girls only after all. So DS is no longer invited.

I do understand that its her house and she can have whatever rules she wants but I feel really uncomfortable about the way its happened. He was invited and now he’s been dropped because another parent has an issue with it. The birthday girl apparently still wants him there and they’ve not fallen out or anything.

I havent told him yet because I honestly dont know how to explain it without him thinking she’s changed her mind about being his friend. He doesnt get invited to that many sleepovers and he was genuinely excited about this one.

Part of me thinks I should just say the plans have changed and leave it at that, but then he’s going to find out at school when the other girls talk about it.

Would you tell him the actual reason or keep it vague? And would you say anything to the mum or just leave it now?

OP posts:
Ohhelpwhatnow · Today 18:10

Be very clear when you tell him. You and many other parents think it's fine for 10 year old girls and boys to have a big sleepover together. However some parents think that 10 is too old, and his friend's mum has started to feel embarrassed and decided that she has to make this sleepover girls only.
Add that this kind of thing will probably happen more and more as they all get older. He has done nothing wrong and his friends are still his friends, but he can't go to this particular sleepover. However, he can invite some of his friends for a sleepover next weekend (or whenever) to make up for it. You are very sorry this has happened and sympathise with him being disappointed, but he mustn't take it to heart or think he has done anything bad.

TokyoSushi · Today 18:12

The actual reason is probably easier to explain than making something up.

MCF86 · Today 18:36

BananaPeels · Today 18:09

Because the other parent created this situation and should be the person to own it. I’m not saying the Op shouldn’t be present but the other parent has created the situation and simply washed her hands of it. I don’t think that right.

I just think it would be harder for him to hear it from her, than it would be for her to say it.

saraclara · Today 18:54

I'm pretty certain that if the party mum and the concerned mum had been the ones to have to break the bad news to this lad, they'd not have pushed this, and would somehow have found a way around it via more supervision or DS moving to another room when it was actually sleep time.

They're relying on OP to do their dirty work, which is pretty crappy of them both.

butterfliesandrainbows2022 · Today 18:56

saraclara · Today 17:46

So now he's "a little boy"?

You need to make your mind up.

Also we have no reason to think that the other parent's daughter was uncomfortable/scared. Just that the mother didn't like the idea. We're told that the girls were all really excited about the sleepover.

read my posts i've never said otherwise

AuntiePettitoes · Today 19:06

Girliefriendlikespuppies · Today 15:25

Can he not just go for pizza and films and not sleep over? I’d tell him the truth.

That would be a sensible solution. I don't think mixed sleepovers at that age is a good idea at all.

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