DS has been uninvited from a sleepover and I don’t know what to tell him

Yes I agree that in year 6 children will be very aware of the changes that happen between boys and girls and may be going through these, so I can see why one mum wasn't keen on it.

Think about it, even in school the older years would get changed separately for PE whereas the younger years all change in the same classroom.

I think it's cutting off your nose to spite your face saying he would feel sad not to go for the whole thing and it's best not to go for pizza and the film. I would check with the mum whether this option is available.

I would explain to him why he can't go as I think it is a reasonable request.

He will be upset - I don't think you can avoid that. I know it's awful when your child has bad news (sometimes I actually think it's worse for parents) but it's the reality. Even if it wasn't this issue sometimes there are issues in friend groups that you can't resolve and you just have to let them experience the disappointment.

I would ask if he can attend the earlier part of the evening and maybe arrange a SO with the birthday girl for another weekend. I totally get where the mum who isn't comfortable is coming from tbh. Yes, he is still missing out but I don't see what else you can do.

It always seems to be the parents of boys who have the more relaxed attitude of they’re too young or just friends or they’ve always been closer to girls; or indeed when they’re older of course they can have their girlfriend stay over if they’re going to have sex they’ll do it anyway.

This is representative that the risk to girls is greater. Boy mums seem happy to accept the risk and put the burden onto girl mums

Can you honestly not think of how to explain this without giving him the impression his friend doesn’t like him anymore?

Just explain that not everyone is comfortable with mixed sex sleepovers as kids get older, it’s one of those things, it’s likely to happen more as kids start puberty. It’s disapponting but maybe he can do sleepovers with female friends whose parents know him better, maybe he can still go but come home before bedtime, etc.

I agree with you. I think if the other girl's mother had an issue it should be her daughter who misses out, not the OP's son. It's very mean to uninvite someone. He's 10 fgs, still a child. I would be very upset if it was my son

There’s crashing nativity here - not wanting to share a room with a boy (or girl if it was reversed) isn’t about sexualising children, it’s about protecting the dignity and privacy of the females and not endangering the boy by leaving them open to accusations or feeling uncomfortable.

Most girls have already hit puberty at 10. Boobs and periods are enough to deal with without throwing a boy sleeping with them into the mix. Look at it this way; the housing act
prohibits siblings sharing a room at 10. Changing rooms and toilets tend to recommend boys over 7 using their own gender facilities. It would have to be an emergency situation for my son to share a room with a female. Not a chance. I don’t have girls, but if I did, I think I’d be questioning the overall judgement of any parent who thinks this is ok.

The birthday girl will have been asked which one and chose the girl

Surely the mother didn’t identify the girl in question @TryingNotToMakeItWorse ?

Between 10-14 parents have very different ideas on what is / is not suitable.
Mixed sex sleep overs is one, but then there is underage films/games, internet access, general level of supervision required, level of freedom permitted.

It is important for a hosting parent to be aware of these potential differences and be upfront.

e.g. 'Watch a film' at age 10/11 could include a 12 rated one (or for a small percentage a 15 rated one).

Lots of girls are in puberty by 10 or 11 and feel self conscious about their bodies. Lots of girls at this age have had the experience of being made fun of by boys for developing breasts. Does their comfort not matter?

So what? Genuinely, what difference does that make to anything in this situation?

Not me, I’ve got boys and would and have considered this inappropriate. In fact the time my son last suggested this when he was about 10 the girl’s mum was fine with it, it was me who said no.

I’m with the mum. I don’t see the big deal. Just be honest, he’ll be at high school next year! Please don’t suggest just the food and pizza, that would seem somewhat desperate and put her in a very awkward position. They’re growing up and having a boy there does change the dynamic. And I say this as mum of much older sons.

Just tell him the real reason.

Do you honestly think a 10 year old girl on her period would be fine with a boy in her class being there?

A girl of 11 may have just started her period and maybe due her second period that sleepover. Self conscious and not close to this boy. Come on. Really?

I had a similar situation although I was the mother of the girl. My DD’s best friend firm age five was a boy and they had many sleepovers and one day I was putting some sheets on a mattress on my DD’s floor when she was in year five and I just thought‘this doesn’t feel right’. They had that sleepover and I talked to the other mother afterwards and we sort of agreed that we wouldn’t do it any more. I talked to my own dd and said that of course they could still be best friends and we, the parents, were completely on board with supporting that, but that it wasn’t appropriate to have sleepovers.

So? The OPs 10 year old won't be able to help himself staring at breasts through pyjamas? Or asking about periods? Seriously?

Tell him the truth, having to go home whikst thet all stay won’t be very nice tbh

Yes, a post at 15.26

I'd ask about just going over for pizza and films since it's awkward as he was initially invited but overall, it's probably the age to stop mixed sex sleepovers.

You really dont see how even just being in a room in PJ's with a Boy might make a Girl uncomfortable

Suggest you'll collect him at like 8pm or something- he could still go for pizza !

I reckon it prompted a rethink from the girl’s mum about whether or not it was appropriate and she decided it wasn’t. If they’ve been friends for ages, it probably hasn’t occurred to her to reassess the appropriateness until someone else mentioned it. Rather than a him or her situation.