DS has been uninvited from a sleepover and I don’t know what to tell him

I agree that at that age it's not a good idea, it's safeguarding your son as much as anything - especially at Yr 6 age when everyone is hitting puberty. Yr 6 boys & girls usually don't get changed together at school for PE so there could be embarrasment etc, it also just takes one of the girls to accuse him of something inappropriate.

You’re making this a unnecessary drama.

He’s perfectly old enough to understand that mixed sex sleepovers aren't considered appropriate for most parents.

I have asked if the birthday girl verbally invited the DS without actually asking her mum

and no matter how difficult the position is, the mum should not be forced to invite him for any part of it and fact he hasn’t suggested would indicate she wasn’t told Dd was inviting him or… her DD also doesn’t want him to come for this bit

Exactly.

I definitely wouldnt have let my kids have mixed sex sleepovers at that age. They are approaching puberty and body changes become really evident.

My son is 34 now, but I remember when he was in year 6 he was in a large, close group of friends, where only two were girls.
one of these girls came for a sleepover, it was just the two of them. and while it had seemed fine at the time, the reality was that it probably wasn't.
His friend had developed quite early, and wore a bra.
She was absolutely lovely, and far more mature than my son, who only saw her as his friend, but knowing she wore a bra definitely made me rethink mixed sex sleepovers.

Of course it’s better. I think you need to use this opportunity calmly and realistically explain him the reality of differences between girls and boys.
I don’t think it’s about who has a priority he or this other friend, it looks for me like birthday parents haven’t thought it through in a way.

Re "I did wonder about suggesting he goes for the pizza and films and then comes home before they go to sleep but I’m not sure if thats actually any better. He’d still know he was missing the sleepover bit and all the fun the girls will be having after he’s gone, and I think he’d probably be quite upset about that too. I’m a bit stuck really." I think you are projecting here - don't spoil this option with your expectation that he would be disappointed. Give him the chance to enjoy what's on offer and not mind about what's not.

I’ve got a 10 year old and I’d be really sad about this. Maybe I’ve just got a ‘young’ 10yo but this being an issue doesn’t cross my mind. I have two daughters and all of them had mixed sex sleepovers at that age. Maybe I’m just being naive?
Either way the truth is best op. As the birthday girls mum is fine with it, could you invite her to yours for a sleepover on another day and make the evening really special for them?

Of course only if the mum is ok with it, but I would really encourage him to go for just pizza and the movie, because I’d want to encourage him to keep the friendship but with the caveat that now they’re getting older there are certain boundaries. And he should be told the truth of course. In fact this is a good opportunity to talk about how things are changing.

I thought this would be about behaviours or something.

Tell him the truth. And ... I sort of understand it. I am not sure if I would be happy with it from either side. It also protects your DS. It is a difficult age, periods, puberty... Phones....

It will now be about navigating friendships and get togethers.

Just say he can have a sleepover with one of his friends? Or is he only friends with this group?

And I can guarantee the birthday girl will be closer to some than others at this age

Just ask OP and take it from there. We all have to deal with disappointments - it's a skill best learned well before adulthood. He may be more sensible and resilient than you give him credit for.

As the other Mum hasn't mentioned that as a option i'd leave it. Asking might make the Mum feel awkward having to say No again

If the mother hasn't suggested he attend just for the pizza and films, please don't propose this. Your son is certainly old enough to be told that he's aged out of mixed sex sleepovers. I wouldn't have agreed to this with my own sons at that age simply for their own protection from any accusation.

Just tell him the truth . Being a boy - He’s gonna have a lifetime of having to be careful around females - this is just the start unfortunately.

I am probably being naive but what is the issue with mixed sleepovers at this age if they’re all friends? Other posters keep talking about the difference between boys and girls but how would you actually explain this to a child as justification for not allowing mixed sleepovers? Assuming everyone isn’t running around naked or getting changed in the same room and also assuming 10 year olds are aware they have different body parts.

How unfortunate. Bit of a storm in a teacup in my book and the complainant parent seems OTT to me.

How hard to explain this to him - to suddenly inject the received wisdom that males are a threat - a burden he will have to learn to live with.

This is a really good idea and one I’d suggest to the host mum…x

Some of those girls will have started their periods, developing breasts and I wonder whether this friend is one of them

No one is running around naked in public toilets either but we still are mindful of a need for privacy and dignity, and the onset of puberty is a good age for that.

Brilliant suggestion and advice x

Yeah he doesn't need to sleep there. I'm sure once kids are hitting puberty/having periods it'll naturally become less accepted to have mixed sleepovers. At least to some people.

Absolutely this.

My son wanted to have sleepovers with female friends at similar ages, I just said it was not appropriate and they could still meet up/be friends but not stay over together.