DS has been uninvited from a sleepover and I don’t know what to tell him

I think the mother of the sleepover has handled this badly. If they were on a y6 residential they would have separate bathrooms a dormitories and I think that's absolutely fine. In this case where everyone had already been invited it might've been better to make the whole event a non sleepover. Not sure what she was thinking having a mixed sleepover to be honest.

Anyway, it's done and you should just tell your son the truth and say that girls often go through puberty earlier than the boys so it's no longer appropriate, sleepover friend's Mum should've realised that before inviting you but no big deal, I will pick you up at 11pm.

Why do you think her ‘boy buddy’ is OK but not her other male friends, though? Just because they’ve known each other a long time, that doesn’t mean they don’t have the same kinds of feelings at puberty as school friends might have.

To be honest it’s far less likely that anything will happen at a group sleepover. If anything’s going to happen it’s more likely to happen between two kids left alone.

I have multiple girls and as long as they were cool with it I would give a toss

Just realised I didn’t actually answer your question, Tell him the truth and it’s easy to use other situations such as school trips and scout camps where boys and girls sleep separately. Tell him you will try to organise a celebration with his friend on a different day.

Not if Ava's mum raised it with the party host, and party host realised that actually yes maybe it was inappropriate and/or discussed with other Mum's and realised this.

It is better to stop these things too soon than too late.

Would @StepAwayFromGoogling be happy with mixed sex sleepovers at say 13? If no then we are just discussing the age to stop. If yes then they are so far off the same page as me as to be in a different library so we would have no common ground on this topic.

Well said I have only boys too and I completely agree. I may be old now but I still remember what I was like around boys as a child I only had a sister as did all my friends, I had no men in my life other than my dad and I didn’t like boys and was uncomfortable round them. Not saying that was ideal either but it is how it was.

Same. And age 10. Honestly, mental.

Though to be fair, by girls you may mean what other people refer to as boys, so who knows.

It's really unfortunate that no-one thought of this sooner and that you are now in a situation where your son has been uninvited but the principle is sound and I don't really know why posters are being contrary about it. A mixed sex sleepover is not appropriate in year 6 or older.

Well, no, they're well into puberty at 13. Girls and boys WILL be sexually attracted to each other by then. At 10? No.

Could you host your own sleepover soon minus Ava?

Has the girl’s mum expected that though? Surely party girl’s mum could have uninvited that girl and the boy could have come. It sounds more like the party mum has understandably had a change of heart, after the other mum raised it

Just tell him that when children start to grow up boys and girls have separate sleepovers and it’s a sign that they’re becoming big boys and girls. Say that birthday girl’s mum forgot this but now she’s remembered so DS can’t go to sleepover. To make up for it, you’re going to taken him on a treat that night and birthday girl will come over one day for a special tea. Sell it as a rite of passage.

This is your job as a parent to explain and manage. yes he’ll be upset but he’ll be upset about lots of things in his life, same as me, you and everyone else on the planet. Upsetting things happen. You can’t shield your child from them all but you can give him strategies to cope.

It’s tricky this age. I think at age 10 I would have been ok with it if I know the girls and the parents who were supervising. But perhaps after this one I think we’d agree to stop.

the best way around these problems is to invite other boys and insist the boys sleep on one room and girls in another and they are supervised so they go to sleep when told. that way everyone is happy and no one excluded.

That’s a shame and unnecessary for age 11.

Bit you need to tell him the truth.

Birthday girl hasn't said she'd prefer the girl there more, though?

That’s your underlying assumption.

Er. No. Mine is the opposite of that.

Is there maybe bigger issues here if he can’t understand this at nearly 11. Are you sure that’s rhe case, or is it maybe your assumption and you baby him?

at 11 you can say one of fne mums is uncomfortable with a boy being there, so it’s been made girl only, all tne girls are really upset you can’t come but Jane will organise something else with you,

if this is really he doesn’t understand why girls and boys can’t sleep together and the biological differences and how this is an issue, I think maybe enlist the school for some support with him,