Would you help in these circumstances

If you were to say no, do you think it would have a negative impact on your friendship?

If you say yes, is it likely to feel awkward when it comes to repayments? Are you confident they have the funds to stick to the repayment plan they’ve suggested?

You say the “nice to have” is somewhat time limited - when do you need to make the decision by?

I don’t think this is a particularly easy decision, so I can see why you’ve asked.

Is your DH’s expensive purchase of similar value to the loan they’re asking for - if so, would DH consider deferring the purchase until you’re confident your friend is paying you back regularly?

They’ve given you the option of saying ‘no’ so take it and move on (guilt free). Don’t let this hang over your head .

Sorry it would be a no from me, I could not afford to not get the money back. Plus in today’s climate you never know what’s a round the corner, redundancy etc when you need the money ..

So you saved several thousand.
Are they asking to borrow a similar amount, a bit more or significantly more?

It sounds like you want to lend them the money. Why don’t you make the agreement between friend & DH, get it written down but don’t charge interest - that would be dickish. Try & separate it from being between you & her.

Was it along the lines of qualified legal advice?

I've probably missed it upthread - I've had to skim read a bit - but why are they not just borrowing from a bank? Whatever the other circumstances, if that route is closed to them, then there's usually a reason for it, none of which tend to bode well for lending/borrowing money.

You've sacrificed other things to make those savings and been careful to stay debt free.
It's not luck but judgement.

DId you say things to the friend like.. Thank you so much ... you've saved me £XX.. and then she's suddenly asking for a loan?

It sort of sounds like you want to lend it to her because you can't think of a good enough reason not to, because you feel a bit beholden or guilty? And she would find out that DH wants to buy something indulgent (Its your joint money.. why can't he and why would you feel guilty?)

Is she asking for a loan for something worthwhile? That she really needs? Are you sure she can't just get a loan? Would it be impossible for her to get an interest free credit card?

If you do go ahead. Make sure you get a proper, signed loan agreement which details a timescale for repayment. But personally I really wouldn't do it. Do something else nice for her instead.. like she did for you, something that doesn't cost you anything but is a real favour and then perhaps you will feel that you have repaid the debt, but without feeling squeezed.

Also. Why do you have to lend the entire amount requested?

It's tricky. I'm guessing they gave you their professional advice whether it be legal or accountancy which meant you did not have to pay your own fees.
You then mention this went on for a period of time so perhaps for your own business when you were starting up.

This cost them their time only but no actual monies.

Now everything is getting confused because they are asking for hard cash which puts a different spin on it all.

But if their professional advice was offered for free - why was that?
If their professional advice saved you thousands they are in a decent profession.
Why are they not getting a normal loan for whatever it is they need now?

It seems very transactional and that they are asking for payback time from you.
There is always a problem mixing financials with friendships as you are discovering.

(ps I run my own business and mixing the two is never a good idea.)

It's all relative. Anyway the amount hasn't been mentioned so you have no way of knowing if they are rich.

There's a big difference between half or two thirds.

Which leads me to believe we aren’t talking about a substantial amount here

In many ways it's very difficult to offer an opinion as you don't say what the amount is, what it is for and what they are suggesting as repayment terms - how long etc.

But the crux of the matter is if they are professionals (as they must be from what you have posted) they could arrange a suitable loan but have chosen to ask you instead for the money. Why is this?

I am always suspicious about people who ask friends for loans because it suggests that they dont have a usable line of credit. If they have spent up to their lending limits or have bad credit so they can't get a loan, why would paying a friend back be more of a priority if they have unpaid debts to companies in the past?

It would be a no for me.

Its coming across to me now that this is almost the same as them asking you for payment for the favour that didn't cost them anything,
because they know it saved you money and how much.

and its a considerable sum for something that's not essential (like stopping them from losing their home) but just nice to have.

They said they would do an agreement and pay interest - why not just go to a bank? or credit card?

There's just something a bit off about this.

DH is about to spend several times what friend is asking for a something that isn’t immediately necessary, just a nice to have that will pay off longer term.

But he’s paying for that from money you or him have earned (family money). Your friend wants some of that money as a loan for THEIR nice to have thing / hobby / activity. It’s completely different.

Nothing ends a friendship faster than a loan.

The great favor she did you should not be calculated in monetary terms. I am sure if you are ever in a position to return the favor, you'd it in a heartbeat. But lending money is not returning the favor. Is it for some kind of plastic surgery?

That changes everything. I think you’re morally obliged to lend her the money as she saved you way more money

Who asks a friend for a loan to buy something thats just a nice to have item. Can't they just get a zero credit card to buy it?

Have they said why they can't borrow from a bank or credit card?

If you didn’t have much when you thanked them, but can afford it now, would you have given them that much as thanks? Do they know you’ve got the money, and why are they asking - have you come into money and they’re asking for some of it? It depends how much for me: hundreds maybe, thousands no.