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Original poster

Would you help in these circumstances

255 replies

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 15:14

Friend did a massive favour for me a while back. It didn’t cost them anything, but it saved me thousands. At the time we didn’t have much so I bought a small gift as thanks.

They recently asked me to lend them a significant sum of money, repaying over a long time period. It’s a lot, more than we‘d want to give away, but we could afford to lose the sum now if it came to it. I don’t want to mix friendship and money but I want to help. It’s for a nice to have rather than for something essential.

Would you lend them the money? Curious as I know the general advice here is not to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamma1383838 · Today 13:08

JulietteRoche · Today 08:40

OP, can you at least give as a hint as to what the money saving favour was? I don't want to pry, but I am actually a little confused and if you clarified, it would help me answer. Someone upthread suggested legal advice, which I would think would be very helpful and actually equivalent to having given money.

My friend didn’t provide professional advice or any kind of advice. Sorry I don’t want to be specific.

OP posts:
Boreded · Today 13:10

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 18:17

Yes I was thinking this.

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It’s not dickish to charge interest…the money is depreciating in value over time, 5k today vs 5k in 3 years is very different. A loan between friends should include an element of interest IF it is going to be over a number of years. You don’t have to make a profit on it, but you do need the value of the money you have at the end to be equitable, change them at the rate of inflation, it’ll be far lower than the bank would charge, and your money retains its value. Otherwise you are subsidising them.

I am usually firmly in the no lending category, however, in this instance it is clear the decision has been made, and I think it was a good idea to ask on here because then you get a real feel for whether your decision is right. If you had seen people saying no and thought their points were really valid then it could make you realise you don’t want to lend, if you found yourself arguing against them then you know you are very comfortable in your decision to lend.

Just get an agreement drawn up and make sure there is a standing order, you don’t need to be having to ask her about payments, that’s the sure fire way to create tension in the friendship

Smartnamechoice · Today 13:14

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Smartnamechoice · Today 13:16

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Walkerzoo · Today 13:24

Maybe he has realised he should have paid for the service that was received years ago.

I am amazed that many are debating a loan when they received something for free. Perhaps the person should have put an invoice together for services provided and payment is now required... With interest.

Maybe them the OP and DH will do the right thing. Pay and not be free loaders

Original poster
Mamma1383838 · Today 14:07

Walkerzoo · Today 13:24

Maybe he has realised he should have paid for the service that was received years ago.

I am amazed that many are debating a loan when they received something for free. Perhaps the person should have put an invoice together for services provided and payment is now required... With interest.

Maybe them the OP and DH will do the right thing. Pay and not be free loaders

Ah you’re just making things up now. My friend made the offer, we offered to give my then something a the time and they said absolutely not. It didn’t cost them anything, not even time, but it was mildly inconvenient.

OP posts:
Smartnamechoice · Today 14:09

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Original poster
Mamma1383838 · Today 14:09

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We have just talked about it.

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Smartnamechoice · Today 14:09

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Original poster
Mamma1383838 · Today 14:10

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Sorry if it makes it less interesting to read! It’s helpful for me though.

OP posts:
Smartnamechoice · Today 14:11

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Original poster
Mamma1383838 · Today 14:11

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Still open to it.

OP posts:
Smartnamechoice · Today 14:12

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JulietteRoche · Today 14:49

Mamma1383838 · Today 13:08

My friend didn’t provide professional advice or any kind of advice. Sorry I don’t want to be specific.

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If you can't be more specific, I really don't know what to say. As it wasn't anything that could equate to billable hours, I'm leaning towards not lending them the money. I'm thinking it's more along the lines of lending someone a holiday home, in which case it was nice of them but more of a throwaway favour.

JulietteRoche · Today 14:50

Mamma1383838 · Today 14:10

Sorry if it makes it less interesting to read! It’s helpful for me though.

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I don't find it so much less interesting as harder to answer. Couldn't you at least think of an analogy that would give an idea of what you're talking about?

Smartnamechoice · Today 14:52

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Smartnamechoice · Today 14:53

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Original poster
Mamma1383838 · Today 15:13

JulietteRoche · Today 14:49

If you can't be more specific, I really don't know what to say. As it wasn't anything that could equate to billable hours, I'm leaning towards not lending them the money. I'm thinking it's more along the lines of lending someone a holiday home, in which case it was nice of them but more of a throwaway favour.

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Ok the holiday home is an analogy. They lent it to me continuously over many years. It meant they couldn’t use it but they weren’t using it anyway, to stay in or rent out.

OP posts:
Easytorecall · Today 15:17

This is all a bit attention seeking

JulietteRoche · Today 15:18

Mamma1383838 · Today 15:13

Ok the holiday home is an analogy. They lent it to me continuously over many years. It meant they couldn’t use it but they weren’t using it anyway, to stay in or rent out.

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Thank you, that's perfect and makes sense. In that case, I don't think you are at all morally obliged to lend them money. It's not at along the same lines as free legal advice, it was very kind of them but it didn't actually cost them anything. I'm not saying don't lend them the money, but you certainly shouldn't feel obliged to do so, and if they make you feel guilty about it, that meant that their initial generosity came with strings.

tommyhoundmum · Today 15:18

Mamma1383838 · Today 15:13

Ok the holiday home is an analogy. They lent it to me continuously over many years. It meant they couldn’t use it but they weren’t using it anyway, to stay in or rent out.

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Can you say how much money and the repayment period?

outerspacepotato · Today 15:22

No.

Why aren't they taking out a bank loan? Hitting up family members? Your friendship will end over this and you won't see your money.

The only people I give money to are my kids.

Easytorecall · Today 15:22

tommyhoundmum · Today 15:18

Can you say how much money and the repayment period?

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DH knows this and he’s fully supportive. So confused why @Mamma1383838 has spent last 24 hours discussing it on such depth. Going back and forth. Great friend. Trusts implicitly. Husband fully supportive.

tommyhoundmum · Today 15:26

Easytorecall · Today 15:22

DH knows this and he’s fully supportive. So confused why @Mamma1383838 has spent last 24 hours discussing it on such depth. Going back and forth. Great friend. Trusts implicitly. Husband fully supportive.

Edited
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I lent £26,000 in a similar situation and lost the cash and the friendship

Gmhopkins · Today 15:44

I don’t understand why you won’t help your friend. She helped you.