Are we being unreasonable not to buy my sister's stepdaughter a car and insurance

Why are you doing it for the nephews?! Are you all very well off
anwyay yes, I’d be really surprised that all the children aren’t treated the same (in big and small ways)
how must the SD feel?
step families : blended families are full of pitfalls such as this where expectations are not matched

No, you are not being unreasonable. They may be the same to her, but not to you. I am a step daughter btw, the attitude on here that we should be treated the same does my head in. She has two parents and at least one step parent, they can sort her out between them!

I think your sister is right that the children should be treated the same. 11 years as a step daughter is most of that child’s life. Can the cost perhaps be shared with her bio mother/father rather than absorbed by you and your mother?

SD will feel just fine unless her parents/step parents make a fuss.

Can she & her partner not pay for her car & insurance?

Are you significantly better off than them? Can she not afford it herself?

I guess you are not being unreasonable but it’s a bit sad for the girl if she’s not going to be able to have the same advantages her step brothers have had. It’s life I suppose.

If I was your sister, then I’d do my best to get her on the road and it might mean one of the boys missing out on something to level the playing field.

Why can't her dad buy her a car? Or his relatives?

You guys have spent thousands on your nephews and now she wants more for her husband's kid.

Tell her the Free Car Bank is closed. I think that's a crazy ask and she and her husband have gotten entitled to you paying the big bucks for your nephews.

No it’s not for you or your mum to buy the stepdaughter a car.

Is there a reason you both chose £100 instead of a larger amount? I understand she has other family and you see her less but after 11 years I.would have thought she meant a but more than 1/20th of your nephews?

It's ridiculous how people go on about treating the kids the same. They can never be the same as the step kids have essentially have one extra parent. This would only be equal if the girl's mum also treated the two sons as if they were hers, which nobody would expect her to.

The girl has two parents and their two families to provide for her. The boys also have two parents and their families to provide for them. She doesn't need an extra family.

All families are different and it's just life that some kids get a car bought for them for their birthday and others have a much less extravagant lifestyle. The step mums family shouldn't have to compensate for the finances of another family.

They got 12k cars just after passing thier tests? Wow!

It wouldn’t cross my mind to buy her a car or pay for her insurance.
YADNBU

While I think all kids in blended families should be treated like they're family. Your sister is a cheeky fucker for her expectations and taking her family for granted. Stepdaughter has a mother and a whole side of the family nephews don't. There has to be a give and take sometimes.

I think children in a family should be treated the same especially since she’s been part of your family since she was little

Is your Mum wealthy? £100 is a paltry amount if you can afford cars/insurance for your DNs. Does she call you aunty and your Mum, Nan?

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. £100 x 2 is a lovely gesture and your sister sounds very entitled.

You are a very generous aunt. All depends how you feel towards your step niece. If you like her and consider her part of your family then you should consider this. However it does depend on the circumstances. There shouldnt be an expectation by anyone of whether you should or shouldnt do this. If you want to then do so. If not then dont. Dont just say no on the grounds she is a step niece.

Yanbu. £100 is plenty. Your sister is pissed cause now she will need to step up and was convinced you would pay. The step child has a whole side to a family your nephews don't. This whole treat the kids the same when they aren't the same is bollocks.

If your nephews are 22 and 21, your sister's SD was in the picture when they passed their tests. You should have considered this at the time.

I do see why you wouldn't, and it's entitled of your sister to assume, but you created this problem 5 years ago when SD was about 12 and established as a member of your sister's family.

But she has her own family - her mother, father, step mother, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. If the step aunt treated her the same then she’d have far more than her step siblings - unless her family treat all kids exactly the same. Where does it stop? £100 is a generous amount for someone they don’t see that often and isn’t related to them.

I don't think your sister was reasonable to simply assume that your Mum would buy a car for the SD. But anyone looking at the situation could have seen the issue coming a mile off, so I do think your Mum should have had a discussion with your sister about the issue before buying the first car. It may be that your sister would have preferred your Mum not to buy any cars at all rather than spending money in a way that would inevitably result in unequal treatment of the three children.