Are we being unreasonable not to buy my sister's stepdaughter a car and insurance

I think it’s rather mean to not treat her the same as the boys. She has been part of the family for a long time and was part of the family when the boys were gifted their cars.

So your sister saved on buying 2 cars and 2 lots of insurance? If it meant that much to her she could have put whatever contribution she was planning towards them in savings for her stepdaughter. Between the stepmum, dad, mum, and grandparents they should be able to raise a few grand to help her out. It’s just entitlement that they are turning to you.

This is true. You and your mum started this only 3-4 years ago knowing that SD would be missing out. £14k value to each of them, £100 to her. Ok she’s not blood but that’s putting her right in her place.

Lol. What a load of cak. The sister chose to get with a guy who already had a child and blend families. If we are going to reduce the situation completely it's all her fault then for making this choice. The OP has two nephews. She is very generous to them. She has no responsibilty or obligation to the step child. Did the sister go to the OP when she decided to blend families and ask her to take on this child as her own niece and treat her the same? Doubt it. Even if she did she still has no obligation.

You have to admit there's a huge difference between £2000 and £100. I can understand why you wouldn't want to treat them the same, but such a huge difference, without any warning, is bleak. You really should have prepared for this.

You are not unreasonable. She has her own family perhaps her “gran on her fathers side or her father or mother ” should buy her a car. Does her mother contribute in some way financially to your children? So why does she expect you/your mother to contribute to yours. Is your sister always such a free loader. This whole situation sounds strange tbh

I thought that. It's totally unnecessary and all too much for your first car (no matter how much money you have).
X

Their mother’s family bought them cars. Her mother’s family can buy her a car.

Stepchildren have two families. They don’t have to be treated exactly the same by all the extended family on both sides. It’s one thing to make sure they are always included in family photos and parties. It’s quite another to assume that someone they aren’t related to will buy them a car.

Presume she has maternal grandparents who treat her but don't treat your nephews. Does her mother treat your nephews? Probably not.
The sense of entitlement ftom some is astonishing. It was a lovely gesture from you both to give her £100 each.

I’ve seen a family the other side of this - grandparents bought car for their Grand daughter.

The grand daughter was part of a blended family …she drove to her Dads very excited …till her step brother also 17 demanded a car for fairness. Her Dad phoned her Mum and said it was unfair to spoil her and unfair to her step brothers and made HIS life difficult.

Sometimes you can’t be equal in all ways.

You care for this young lady but she is a step, why are your side of the family expected to provide when in theory she has a whole other side of family and 2 parents.

No. The stepdaughter might be the same to your sister but she isn't to you or your mother.

If you get divorced and remarry, these are the kind of issues that arise in blended families and it's for the parents and biological grandparents to sort out.

The stepdaughter in reality is nothing to you. If your sister and her husband got divorced, it's likely none of you would ever see her again.

Blood relatives matter in these situations but random step acquisitions just don't.

Does your sister expect your mother to leave her money in her will as well? It's just delusional.

Maybe the girls parents or grandparents could have been prepared for this and started saving?

Honestly, people lose thier minds when the word 'step' is used.

I wish someone would have sent me £100 for passing my test. I got a “congratulations, well done” 🤷🏻‍♀️

I personally find it irritating that people insist step family members be treated exactly the same. At the end of the day the OP is NOT related to this girl. Her sister could divorce tomorrow and the girl would be nothing to her. The sister chose to engage in a blended family - the rest of her family did not. And from the sounds of it the girls mother can afford to subsidise a car but chooses not to and she will have a grandmother on her father’s side too. That’s just life. Not everyone can be or should be treated the same

I'm not saying she should give her the money, I'm saying there should have been a conversation with her sister years ago.

YANBU but considering how long she’s been family I’d probably have given your sis a heads up about this

Was there any discussion about this before? It’s pretty obvious if your DM was spending ££ on a first car for her GC that there would be a huge discrepancy coming SD way

Why exactly?

Unreasonable that a combined £28k was spent on nephews when that would have easily covered 3 cars, insurance AND probably fuel for a year if more reasonable first cars were chosen.

Does your sister expect your mother to leave her money in her will as well? It's just delusional.

Wondered this too.

Step children are not extended family’s grandchildren etc and can not be expected to be treated the same. I have a daughter who has a step parent and family.

I expect your nephews drive to their full time jobs in the cars that were bought for them. Perhaps your sister was hoping the step-daughter would get that opportunity too. I’m not saying she is entitled to a car and insurance. Perhaps that step up is what helped her two step brothers though, and to even start her working life it will be much more difficult for her without transport.
You have obviously been a great auntie to your nephews. It’s a difficult situation but it indicates you don’t see her as part of the family as much as your sister does.

Agreed. If OP's sister had expected a car for step-DD, she should have said before the first grandchild received their car. Expectations for major gifts like this should have been discussed long ago.