To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

679 replies

AmberCatz · 23/09/2026 10:04

I met a guy a couple of months ago and we've been out a few times. I posted before about the first date being 11 hours long (he kept extending the day and I was happy to spend time). But although there had been affection and some hand holding we hadn't kissed yet - so this did make me suspicious about his interest. Its been stressing me out really.

Last night we went to a show with my best friend and her boyfriend. Afterwards, he suggested we all grab a drink at a nearby pub. had a great time and because I was off work today we kept going (and drinking, bad move). Basically we talked about how we were both single and open, then I asked if he'd like to kiss and he leaned in and kissed me. We made out for a while and then went to another bar where he instigated another make out and put his arm around me etc.

I haven't slept with anyone in a year and was keen to take him home. So i suggested it and he said he was too tired and needed to sleep before work. I immediately read he just wasn't interested and it hurt but I brushed it off. He said we'll meet 'some other time'

As we were trying to get me a taxi he kept walking ahead and became super distant. Finally I was like what gives and he says 'I'm not looking for anything romantic right now'. I think I messed up here because I then said he owed me an apology for leading me on. He refused, and said there's nothing wrong for enjoying one night and kissing. We had not an argument but a kind of tiff.

I'm now dead from the worst hungover for ages and feel terrible about how we left things. We have each other on social media and several mutual friends - do I need to apologise? I also feel like I threw myself out him and he isn't attracted to me so that feels terrible also.

OP posts:

Venusunbroken · Today 13:21

AmberCatz · Today 13:11

Woke up this morning feeling better - no knot in my stomach.

@Pr1mr0se mentioned friendship, I think that might have been possible and preferable due to our mutual friends if he had taken some responsibility even for walking ahead of me while trying to get a taxi. I'm disappointed he didn't try to make any amends. We both drank too much but at least I said 'I'm sorry'.

I still struggle with the rejection here, I hope it will ease eventually. I do still feel quite foolish but I know I'm human.

I’m not sure what he has to make amends for, other than walking slightly ahead when looking for a taxi. It was clearly not much further ahead as you could still communicate with him and you both proceeded to walk partially home together as couldn’t find one.

im genuinely not sure what else he has to make amends for, kissing you and not wanting sex? Not wanting a romantic relationship? You can’t seriously still be thinking he needs to apologise for not wanting sex or a relationship?

your other threads are clear, even you didn’t know of this was just friendship and they don’t sound like dates to me either, and they didn’t to you when they occurred hence your other threads,

im glad you’re feeling better but I’d really move on and not try to reframe this into something it wasn’t,

DaringQuoter · Today 13:26

Glad you’re feeling better OP. I think his behaviour was very strange and he was certainly giving you mixed messages. Try to just move on now and chalk it up to experience. Good Luck

SunnyLilacFawn · Today 13:37

Considering you liked him so much, and you have mutual friends so might bump into him again, if it was me I would message him again. What have you got to lose really?

You said you didn't respond to his last message as there was no need but he may be taking that as you no longer wanting any communication or friendship?

Both of you had been drinking so he may have been acting out of character too - got a bit/scared panicky for whatever reason.

Why not just send a little note saying something like 'hope you're having a nice weekend' and see how/if he responds. If it's very non committal or he doesn't reply at all then you can leave it, but at least you tried.

I wouldn't be with my husband, the love of my life, if I hadn't persevered, he was hard work to start with.
Good luck

Venusunbroken · Today 13:49

SunnyLilacFawn · Today 13:37

Considering you liked him so much, and you have mutual friends so might bump into him again, if it was me I would message him again. What have you got to lose really?

You said you didn't respond to his last message as there was no need but he may be taking that as you no longer wanting any communication or friendship?

Both of you had been drinking so he may have been acting out of character too - got a bit/scared panicky for whatever reason.

I wouldn't be with my husband, the love of my life, if I hadn't persevered, he was hard work to start with.
Good luck

Don’t do this op. It’s like asking for more heartache and is properly desperate looking, you know his last message was a conclusion. You don’t need to be rejected twice.

Flip

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