To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

656 replies

AmberCatz · 23/09/2026 10:04

I met a guy a couple of months ago and we've been out a few times. I posted before about the first date being 11 hours long (he kept extending the day and I was happy to spend time). But although there had been affection and some hand holding we hadn't kissed yet - so this did make me suspicious about his interest. Its been stressing me out really.

Last night we went to a show with my best friend and her boyfriend. Afterwards, he suggested we all grab a drink at a nearby pub. had a great time and because I was off work today we kept going (and drinking, bad move). Basically we talked about how we were both single and open, then I asked if he'd like to kiss and he leaned in and kissed me. We made out for a while and then went to another bar where he instigated another make out and put his arm around me etc.

I haven't slept with anyone in a year and was keen to take him home. So i suggested it and he said he was too tired and needed to sleep before work. I immediately read he just wasn't interested and it hurt but I brushed it off. He said we'll meet 'some other time'

As we were trying to get me a taxi he kept walking ahead and became super distant. Finally I was like what gives and he says 'I'm not looking for anything romantic right now'. I think I messed up here because I then said he owed me an apology for leading me on. He refused, and said there's nothing wrong for enjoying one night and kissing. We had not an argument but a kind of tiff.

I'm now dead from the worst hungover for ages and feel terrible about how we left things. We have each other on social media and several mutual friends - do I need to apologise? I also feel like I threw myself out him and he isn't attracted to me so that feels terrible also.

OP posts:

ThatJadeLion · Today 02:09

Some men are just like this. They're like this with other woman too. Don't take it personally. It's not pleasant and I can see why it stings. You've found out early. He's probably not the man for you.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · Today 02:36

Some men are just like this. Doesn’t help that he’s bisexual either. Forget him.

SweetnsourNZ · Today 02:47

Don't feel bad. It sounds like you are both looking for different levels in a date. Your heart is open for love and he is more interested in friendship dates with maybe a bit of affection.
If you still want to see him maybe have an honest conversation first about expectations.
The other thing, (and I mean this kindly, without judgement) is maybe lay of the alcohol a bit, at least until he gets to know you better. It could be affecting his view of you.

HoraceCope · Today 04:42

i think you are better without a big drinker
you drank to excess yourself in the past.
no good comes of that

ladydan · Today 05:39

There’s a phrase that works here ‘if he wanted to, he would’
You don’t have to chase, ask or beg for affection or attention. How you handle this will set the tone for anything that follows so think carefully about how you want any potential relationship; respectful, honest & fair or always chasing?

andfinallyhereweare · Today 05:59

@AmberCatz you've posted about him twice before where he has been confusing you, why no kiss, is he flaking/is it a real date? You haven’t been sure for a while what his intentions are so… maybe on his side it wasn’t romantic or he wasn’t sure, kissed you and felt no spark? No man who is interested would turn down sex for the first time with someone they want to have sex with, even if they have to work- this is hurtful yes, and it’s happens to everyone at some point. I’m sorry it happened to you, good for you for standing up for yourself maybe if someone makes you start 3 sepperate threads about them and their intentions that’s your answer. If their interested you don’t need to wonder if they are. Sorry op.

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