Mother in law keeps calling me fat

You think several billion people have one culture ?

Your post is offensive on so many levels

Absolutely not. Not sticking up for yourself is one thing, but it's your job to make sure your daughter is not subjected to this unkind nonsense. I wouldn't accept anyone speaking to my child or me this way, no matter who they are or what the culture is. You have a voice; use it.

Using cultural differences as an excuse to belittle, insult and make hurtful comments towards someone else is not acceptable.

It's bad enough that she's doing it to you, and I'm with the other poster saying say "and you're very rude" in response.
This, though?! Distance your DD from her, that's very damaging and she's going to grow up with issues or disorders if she's around MIL's bullshit any longer.

I think I remember you from a few months ago when you had another issue with MIL, and your husband wasn't willing to deal with her.

Not sure what the relevance of "Asian" is.

I have Asian family too, and my aunt is EXACTLY like this, and I too was always warned as a teenager never to answer her back. As an adult, I no longer speak to her, which is very sad, but my mental health comes first.

As it's not as easy for you to do this, you will have to speak to her firmly and clearly. Your daughter does NOT need this in her life!

OP literally said she has lipoedema and is waiting on a referral to be seen about that

That poster plays devil advocate on various threads related to race and culture, belying her real feelings. I think she believes her posts are funnier and cleverer than they are. Best ignored.

It's not cultural to be a nasty bitch. I know sone cultures are more forthright but it doesn't give them the right to carry on when it's obvious it's hurtful.
Time the nasty cow went home and the husband told his mum she's not welcome back if she doesn't pack it in.

it's the same in many European countries, but for both men and women.

Not to the point of being underweight, but numbers speak for themselves, they have very little obesity, being fat is not socially acceptable and people don't get fat.

Literally the opposite of our vanity sizes. If it's believed in your country that being a 12-14 is being overweight, you don't become that big. On MN, it's the opposite, 14 is "tiny" and anyone under is lying 😂

OP I am from an Asian culture and I want to kill your mother-in-law.

I grew up with every possible insult. Between me and my siblings, we were insulted on everything from being underweight, overweight, skin colour, hairstyles, not being married, you name it. And ofc women got it worse than men.

It has always made me furious. When I complained to my mum, she would always say oh it’s just the culture. I said well, I was born and raised in this country and it certainly is not my culture to have insults thrown around like this.

I don’t care what weight you are, and how you gained it, even if you had gained weight from eating McDonald’s. It’s irrelevant. She has no right to comment on your appearance like this. The fact you have a health issue though makes it more disgusting.

You and your husband need a united front to tell her to stop it or she’s not welcome here. I am deadly serious. Culture is no excuse for rudeness. And quite frankly you are not from her culture and you do take offence. Which is absolutely fine.

The thing is, people from these cultures also get upset by this stuff but they are not allowed to say it. I had one cousin who was constantly commented on by all the aunties about how dark ie awful her skin was. I just don’t know what effect that must have had on her self-esteem growing up. She was virtually mute as a teenager and I can guess why.

This is a long post because I’m absolutely furious that this behaviour still goes on. Zero tolerance I say.

Let's give your MIL the benefit of the doubt, and assume she has no idea that what she is doing is rude. I mean, she'd have to be clueless not to see it upsets you, but again, benefit of the doubt.

Imagine you got upset every time someone talked about the weather. If they came up to you every day and talked about the weather after they had been asked not to, because it upsets you, then yes, that would be very rude. It's the effect not the intention which matters.

So the supposed cultural issues are irrelevant.

My DP was constantly attacked by her DM over her increased weight until she said "stop talking about this or I will not see you." It worked. She's not mentioned it again.

My advice:

Tell your DH to tell your MIL to stop commenting in any way on your or your daughters' weight or appearance. He needs to hold firm whatever she says, regardless of whether she is "trying to help" or not. He also needs to shut down any comments about your weight to him even if you are not there.

If she does not comply with this, do not allow her in the house until she agrees to it.

If your DH is not supportive, then you have other problems.

I'd be booting her out the door. Your poor daughter and you. What a disgusting woman 😡

My exMIL called me fat once. While no one else was in the room to overhear it. I told my exH as soon as we got home. He was furious and went straight over to see her the next day. She minimised it, of course, and implied that I was 'sensitive' just like her own daughter who is 'sensitive', too. We didn't speak to her for months and she then started crying about how she didn't see her grandchildren.

Your husband needs to stop this, OP.

Don't cry about it it, find your anger and tell him to tell her to stop - or ask her when she was last spotted by a modelling agency.

Asians do this and beauty standards are totally different. I’m not saying it’s ok by the way but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. The last wedding I went to in 2019 of Chinese relatives I was a size 10 and easily the fattest Auntie. This is as a post menopausal woman when it’s harder to keep weight off.

@Zaina89 I’ve had this all my life, been told I’m too skinny and then that I’ve filled out too much, you just can’t win!

My ex mil used to slap her thighs and tell me mine were huge, they weren’t, I was a size 8, she was huge herself and always had been.

What I learnt from the jibes were that the people who feel the need to be cruel are just very unhappy themselves.

You just ignore her and when I mean ignore I mean don’t even entertain what she’s saying.

As for your husband, he needs to step in and tell her making comments about anyone’s weight is rude.

If all else fails, just wee in her cup and offer her a tea in it xx

Please stop your MIL from.commenting on your DDs appearance. will give her a lifelong inferiority complex. Teens should only ever be told they look great.

It is her culture. They don’t see weight as a sign of moral worth like we do, they just see it as a description of your body, like saying you’re tall or have long hair or green eyes. So she genuinely won’t see it as rude she’ll think she’s just stating facts. She’s wrong though about squats making your legs smaller. You can’t spot reduce fat, and growing extra muscle there will make them bigger, not smaller.

I don’t know anything about lipedema but it sounds to a laymen like you have that. Good luck with the diagnosis and treatment.

You started this thread by saying
'I’m under a referral for suspected lipedema in thighs.'
and
' I clearly have something medical going on and am now being investigated for lipedema. '

and go on to say
' I have a medical problem going on '

however the more you reply here you now say

' I potentially do have a medical issue '

What if it is not lipedema ?

You mention your MIL is Asian, I guess you are not ?

you also have a husband problem.

This. Such a lazy argument. “It’s a different culture” to use to justify any and every behaviour. I may understand if OP is in the MIL’s country, but it does not appear she is and even if she were doesn’t mean she needs to accept comments on her body.

What is her culture is irrelevant. OP is not required to accept it.

You might not like it - but it is cultural.

Think of an ordinary, every day, thing you do- you go abroad and do that thing and suddenly it’s offensive and you’re a pariah - and you have no clue as to why. Cultural differences!

People should not marry across cultures. Full stop. My grandmother was German, other side Scottish. Just did not work. I loved her dearly, it was fun and amusing, but it was incompatible for her immediate family. Should not happen if you want a normal life. Maybe it is OK among aristocracy, whatever, but does not work among normal people. Constant culture clash. And I mean real culture - not who is fat or not fat. I remember our relatives staying with us saying that compared to the Germans the English have no classical music (?????), that Purcell does not count, etc. etc. Enjoying our hospitality, eating our bread, being driven sight-seeing everywhere by my dad, having taken time off work. And they are allegedly cultured. However they have no manners at all, despite all their superior education, attainment, etc.

Also OP you keep suggesting it’s a medical issue. I am not sure that matters. You are not required to accept comments on your body.