Mother in law keeps calling me fat

Sorry skim read

Culture is not an insult card, it is rude but the op meeds to woman up and find her voice and use it and not let a man do her thinking for her

I think a lot of asian women don’t actually like this though. Being constantly disparaged for your appearance in your home and having that extend to you child is just not ok. It’s a cultural habit that needs to be dropped. It serves no purpose other than to shame women and make them feel worthless.

there can be a cultural aspect involved

In England, if you mention anything about weight you are "shaming" people, but in many European countries, so right next door to us, they are more factual about it. No one gets offended because it's true, and it's not culturally accepted to be bigger.

All you need is your DH to tell her to shut up about it, and not to upset you because it's not acceptable comments in your house.

Paraphrase Winston Churchill, 'MIL, you're a nasty person, I could diet and become slimmer...........'

OK, now you've said that she's started on your child I do feel she has really crossed a line. For your daughter's sake you and your husband need to put a stop to that straightaway. Not acceptable.

Why does weight need to be mentioned it is obnoxious

it's not that at all.

Women are bigger in some countries than others. People generally follow what is socially acceptable.

It's not "shaming" women (or men) to believe that being overweight is a negative.

With weight loss jabs being so fashionable, that will become a non-issue soon, nearly no one will will be overweight soon

Agree. Your husband needs to step up and tell his mother that she is causing you to feel awful about yourself in your own home and she needs to keep her opinions about your weight to herself. He should have nipped this in the bud the first time in happened.

Maybe tell her that in our culture it's considered very rude to make disparaging comments about a person's physical appearance . Why do some 'cultures' seem to take presedence?

She needs gone. Before your dd ends up with an eating disorder.
My mil ate like a mouse and tutted at those who didn't.

This.

Speak to your DH and it stops today. If not pack his bags with his mum's.

They would not be welcome in my home for harming your daughter and yourself

I would have thrown her and her stuff out as soon as she said anything. I certainly wouldn't tolerate her speaking to my child like that. As for 'culture' being an excuse - that is disgusting.

I’m asian, I know exactly what it is. It’s seen as just an observation but tell a MIL she’s fat and you will see what offended looks like. A fat wife is a poor reflection on her husband basically. This has nothing to do with health, it’s entirely about appearance.

I knew a family who were constantly praising how slim a child was in their family, she was severely underweight to the point where she had what looked like lanugo. They weren’t from my particular culture (who would have jumper on the OMG YOU ARE TOO THIN and then as soon as had gained some weight they would have told her she’s got chubby) but you can tell they were very proud of how slight she was. It was surreal.

Two months at your house? She treats you like this?

Tell her she's being extremely rude and ungrateful and get her gone.

Tell your horrible rude mother in law to pack her bags and leave your home. And if your spineless husband objects, he can go with her.
It’s not acceptable and culture should not be used as an excuse for nasty behaviour.
You need to stick up for yourself and let your daughter be aware that you’re also advocating for her as well.

Leaving your mother in law aside you You’ve already done the right thing by seeing your GP and getting a referral. I’m sorry your mother-in-law keeps commenting on your body, especially knowing what those comments have meant for you in the past. Asking you to squat to “make your legs smaller” was cruel and uninformed. You’re allowed to tell her plainly that your body is no longer up for discussion, and I hope your partner will back you up while she’s staying in your home. I suspect if you're still a size small in your upper body that is your actual true size, this is a medical issue that will soon pass.

I’ve seen someone who has lipodema on insta and she is reporting anecdotal admittedly stuff that the weight loss jabs have a good effect on lipedema over and above weight loss (btw if it is lipedema you can’t get rid of it just by losing weight…) is it worth talking to your gp about it even if you have to get privately (if you can)?

Honestly, just tell her to fuck off. I struggled with my weight my entire life and when people started making comments about my weight gain in pregnancy I genuinely started insulting them back. That seemed to nip it in the bud. If she says you are big, you day and you are too small, your son is not a dog to eat bones. 🤷‍♀️

wether it is caused by health conditions or not, you don’t own explanation to anyone and most certainly you do not need to put up with nasty comments. Especially in your own home. Wether she means it or not, I would have seriously thrown her out by now..

Time for polite is gone.

OP - it'll get to a point where you completely melt down at her so let's get something done about it now, eh?

Next comment - you point a finger at her and say "no". Just that, not angry, not shouting, no tears, just "no". If she takes offence then - great, that's a reaction you can work with, explain that it's rude and you are offended at her comment. Don't make it historical, don't say "you are always talking about my weight / calling me fat" etc. This is a tool for now and forward.

And continue with the "no" until it sinks in.

I had this with my now ExMIL - wish I'd called it out sooner.

Ok now im sure people will jump on me for this but my mil made me feel like utter crap after I had 3 kids close together. I went from a size 6 to a size 14 not massive but still overweight. She would often say how she walked out the hospital with her size 8 jeans etc etc.
I have lost the weight and now back to a size 6 which is my normal. Mil has gained lots and lots of weight and cannot shift it. Last time she was here I even caught her looking at my label checking the size.

Who are you to say your culture is better than hers? She married into this family so it is her perogative to integrate. If some cultures place high value on maintaining a healthy weight than that doesn't make them any worse, if anything we should be admiring their ability to be frank and honest with people they care about.

Cultural imperialism at its worse.

I presume your mother in law would listen more to her son than to you.

Your husband needs to grow a spine and tell his mum, with you, that this is not acceptable here.

She needs to adjust her behaviour to the place she is in, ie your home.

If she can’t change and be polite and kind to you and your daughter then she can’t stay.

Culture is frequently used as a get out of jail free card for far too many things, mostly to the detriment of women.