Mother in law keeps calling me fat

Utter bollocks.

He also married into her family so your argument makes zero sense. Its up to him to now adapt to her culture by being a decent man and standing with his wife.

And yes if a culture encourages body shaming then its a fucking shit culture because body shaming does not help people lose weight.

Ffs cultural imperialism, what a laugh

I guess you are Asian/ Indian ethnicity where petiteness and elegance iand home cookings highly prized but exercise isn't. . You know you have put on weight for a medical reason, and not through gluttony or overeating or alcohol intake. Try to ignore MiLs horrible, nasty and possiblt vindictively hurtful remarks, and if possible bring the visit to an end as soon as you can. Ask you husband for proper support for your emotional and physical wellbeing being. As he is also disrespectful of you if he makes excuses for his mother's behaviour.

Then calm yourself and get some decent medical advice. Ask to be referred to a dietician as well as tests for a proper diagnosis. Although you say your are a tive, raking up a bit more regular exercise structured into your week would probably be beneficial. Are you able to take dance classes for example, and maybe join a local women's running group. A cheap fitness watch will count steps for you . You can get a free basic calorie counter app for you phone. It is often surprising how many calories are consumed in form of hidden fats sugars and carbs. You do need to get this checked with GP,/ dietician as certain illnesses do lower metabolic rate, so can cause weight gain. , but you need to eat a balanced diet at the same time, not a starvation yoyo diet

So if plain speaking is ok how come OP says her husband would likely kick her out of her home if she was equally frank about her in-laws’ physiques?

If everyone is allowed to speak their mind that’s one thing, but if OP has to keep quiet then it sounds a bit rubbish.

Ok MIL is older (and maybe there’s a belief about being polite to elders) but her SIL is presumably a similar age so why couldn’t OP comment on her body without getting in the neck from her DH? That just seems like flat-out double standards!

Oh this hurts. I have lipedema in my legs, thighs and my arms and it’s fucking horrific. No amount of exercise or diet helps it and even surgery only helps before it comes back. People don’t understand it unless they’ve been there . My legs are my biggest insecurity and I still remember being called chicken drumstick legs at school because my ankles are slim but the rest isn’t. You need to stand up for yourself and your daughter and if they don’t like it they can leave. In the meantime can you look into therapy. If it is confirmed lipedema you’ll need to get your confidence boosted to accept it .

If @Zaina89 has lipedema , dieting and exercise will not move lipedemic fat

Calling a fat person fat isn’t ’body shaming’. It’s telling the truth.

It’s rude and unnecessary. Overweight people know they are overweight - they don’t need to be told by family members, friends or strangers in the street. Their doctors is the only person who needs to raise this.

Are You the type of person who shouts insults at overweight people in public?

I disagree with this suggestion, injecting yourself to remove you appetite at a huge cost, financially and take away food enjoyment forever, not good.

If I was fat and someone pointed it out it would spur me on to do something about it.

So is it OK to tell someone who isn't very clever stupid? Or someone born disabled to mock them for a lack of limbs? Simply because its true?

And if you potentially had lipodema? A special medical condition?

That's interesting. How fat were you when it happened to you?

Have you ever been fat? And lost weight because somebody was kind enough to tell you that you are (or were) indeed fat?

The vast majority of fat people know they’re fat. They don’t need anyone to point it out to them…

Of course it's body shaming. If OP has asked her MIL whether she looked fat and her MIL told her that she did, that is telling the truth. To just make unsolicited and cruel remarks about someone else's weight is rude and very unkind.

Apparently, OP's MIL is also overweight but OP isn't allowed to say that as her husband would be angry at her insulting his mum.

There are massive double standards here.

Just going by your posts, I believe that you are rude, unkind and probably not very bright. Would this spur you on to be a nicer person?

I just think there are so many people on these boards who are fat, and have people tiptoe around them, taking huge offence when anyone mentioned that they put on weight, when it would be easier for them to lose the weight rather than have everyone pretend they’re not fat.

I’ve had 4 kids, and saying ‘I’ve had 4 kids’ on here seems to be shorthand for saying ‘it’s not my fault I’ve gained 3 stone’ whereas I don’t know anyone irl who’s had kids and piled on the weight. You have kids, you’re far less sedentary and you eat much healthier. You lose the baby weight. Unless you use it as an excuse to get fat. It’s all psychology, and I’m really not sure tiptoeing around saying ‘aww, you’re not fat your just big bones’ is helping anyone. Has the number of people unhappy about their weight increased or decreased since the word ‘fat shaming’ was introduced? Has the number of obese people increased or decreased? Who do you think you are helping by denying what’s clearly obvious?

Have you ever tried counseling? Are there a lot of people in your life who don’t speak to you? Have you struggled with work colleagues? Have you been disciplined in work for how you engage with others?

you sound like a very unpleasant, very unhappy person.

Hahaha! I don’t know any fat people - family and friends are all quite sporty - and have a wide circle of healthy, happy friends. I’m just saying I don’t see how tiptoeing around pretending a fat person isn’t fat is helping them.

do you work. I find it hard to believe that in you whole circle of family, friends, colleagues, kids teachers, no one is overweight.

Around two thirds of adults in the uk are overweight - but you don’t know any?

It seems clear to me that the OP has very little agency in her life. Urging her to tell her MIL to fuck off is pointless. She doesn't have that power.
Maybe the real question is how she can get some power.

If she’s overweight herself and wouldn’t tolerate it, it’s not a case of cultural differences etc. It’s downright bullying, plain and simple. She knows it’s your weak point and that it gets to you, so she uses that to her advantage to bully you.

And your husband tolerates it, whereas you say yourself that he would throw you out if you said those things to her or sil.

I feel sorry for you. There is no respect and you have no say in your marriage. I suspect that he controls you too in all areas of your life. You just have to do as you are told?

I don’t suppose divorce is acceptable and I bet there isn’t much support in your community. If there is, please use it to leave the marriage. If there isn’t, I hope you find the strength to do it yourself.

I’m overweight and well aware of it, I don’t need it pointed out. Unfortunately I have numerous physical and mental health problems which make losing weight extremely difficult. I’m trying but it’s a slow process.

But you have experience of being fat, and losing weight after somebody mentioned it to you, right?

I would tell her to go fuck herself. I’m not even joking. I would literally tell her where to go. I’d point out that it’s your house and she can keep her opinions to herself, and if she doesn’t like it, she knows where the door is.

And your husband is a wet lettuce.