Mother in law keeps calling me fat

Fat people know they’re fat. They don’t need to be told by some tactless prat.

It’s very ignorant of her. Lipomeda is very likely here. There’s someone on instagram that suffers from it and was trying various therapies such as lymphatic drainage.

Ask your mother in law if she has any understanding at all about illness, and secondly how not to be fucking rude.

You have two issues. Firstly the extra weight, secondly the MIL issue.

For the MIL issue, I would have it out with her. Tell her exactly how she makes you feel, cry, scream, - totally have it out with her. Tell her it is completely and utterly unacceptable to mention ANYONES appearance in your house, and then kick her out. Your DH is aware and has done nowt so you have to take charge. She will either leave in a strop and not speak to you again (score), or she will apologise and stop doing it. Either way - win-win. What won't happen is she won't cross your threshold and do that again. If you can't do it for you - do it for your 11 year old. My eldest DD had anorexia - believe me you dont want that. Culture is irrelevant, they dont live in Asia now, and you are a mother - you need to protect your DD, and also role model that you wont have people talking down to you or her.

As for your weight, be really honest with yourself - is this extra eating or could it be something else? Lipodema is very distinctive. Its not just extra fat stored on the legs. Skinny women get it but it makes their legs like elephants, and very lumpy. I think its quite distinctive from weight gain. If you aren't eating anymore than usual there could be other reasons to. You need it all investigated. Don't be down on yourself though, or waste your tears. You need your health fully investigated - that should be the overriding concern here.

You have a husband issue if he won’t step in and speak up for you. Also, why would you ask the woman who makes these hurtful comments to alter clothes to make them bigger?! That’s just inviting her to say more hurtful things! It was very easily predictable.

if it is lipodemia, its a type of fat that is more resistant to traditional weightloss methods, so it might just be something you would have to live with. Even the GLP1 medications might not help, you might need some dedicated help from the lipodemia clinic. Hopefully that'll come soon enough although you never know with the NHS.

Unsolicited help like that is only really ‘help’ if it is offered in a spirit of generosity, humility, and empathy.
You give the impression that any help you offer would spring from brash self-gratification and a feeling of superiority.

True but because she's Asian she probably doesn't realised that the west has turned the word "fat" into the worst insult ever.

So she needs to be told then.

It's all very well telling the OP to integrate, but if the MIL wants a relationship with her DIL she also needs to integrate with our etiquette "rules".

I have had clients from places where "it's the culture". They had eating disorders from "the culture" or as I prefer to call it "the socially sanctioned bullying of anyone who looks different." It would be different if telling people they are too fat made them lose weight but it doesn't, and that is backed up by peer reviewed research. What it does is make people less self confident and push them into disordered eating and unhealthy practices.

I'd advise you to stamp on this. This woman has a hint of power and she is liking the taste.

ETA I have stage 3 lipoedema and have had a lot of surgery and am still fat. Focus on being fit and healthy because you will never please these people.

Yes dialogue that promotes mutual understanding and respect is important in intercultural relationships. It does need both sides to be willing and able to compromise a little though.

I now realise that you actually have no idea how you would react, and are just making it up.